I am leaving tomorrow morning for a few days, but when we get back, I won't have access to a computer for a few days, so this is my last post for a week or so.
I would just like to thank all of you who read this, my friends. For you to waste your valuable time reading the unimportant rantings of yours truly, you must really like me! XD
Thankyou for always being a support, a helping hand when I need it. Don't think everything you have done has gone unnoticed.
To my dearest spouse, this is our first Christmas as a couple, and we're spending it apart! *tear*
Thankyou for being my wife for the last 6 months and 18 days, and thankyou for being my friend before that. I can't put into words how much you mean to me, but if I could, I would.
To my antelope. You have been my antelope for going on 4 years now, and the thing I love most about you is that you don't change. Sure you get a new hairstyle or whatever, but I can always rely on you to be consistent, to be steady, to always be there. Thankyou for being my noble steed for the past few years, and I hope you will continue to be for many many many many many more years to come (aka forever).
To my...hmmm I don't have a pet name for you...you can be my Fairy Angel. To my Fairy Angel; My best friend by defult. You know, the ironic thing is, I have never thought of you as just my best friend by defult, you have always been quite high on the 'best friends' list. Thankyou for making life fun and funny, for laughing at inappropriate times, for saying the perfect thing at the perfect time, for saying stupid things like Nurses and Daughters, and for making everyone else happy, even when you're not.
I meant to write you all extensive Christmas letters, but time has defeated me, and I won't have them done by New Years, so they can be Late New Years/Early Australia Day letters.
To all the rest of you who I don't have time to individually write to, thankyouthankyouthankyou. I will be eternally grateful for, well EVERYTHING!!
I shall now quote the piece of paper that I spent an entire Physics lesson filling in with the same two words over and over and over...
MERRY KRISTYMAS!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
I'm ashamed of myself
I claim to know you
I claim to be your best friend
But the truth is,
I know very little about you
I mean, I know you and the way you act when you are upset and I know when something is wrong
But I am ashamed to say that in fact, I don't know you
After knowing you for 4 years, it wasn't until Sunday night that I found out what books you like.
That you and I actually have the same taste in music
There is so much about you that I don't know, that I want to know, that I should and need to know.
So, I am going to find them out.
I will spend the next year getting to know you
Asking random questions
Just so I can add them to my memory bank of things that I know about you
Only then can I say that I know you.
I'm sorry I don't know you
It wasn't until Sunday that I realised that I don't
But don't worry,
I will.
I claim to be your best friend
But the truth is,
I know very little about you
I mean, I know you and the way you act when you are upset and I know when something is wrong
But I am ashamed to say that in fact, I don't know you
After knowing you for 4 years, it wasn't until Sunday night that I found out what books you like.
That you and I actually have the same taste in music
There is so much about you that I don't know, that I want to know, that I should and need to know.
So, I am going to find them out.
I will spend the next year getting to know you
Asking random questions
Just so I can add them to my memory bank of things that I know about you
Only then can I say that I know you.
I'm sorry I don't know you
It wasn't until Sunday that I realised that I don't
But don't worry,
I will.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
I love my mum
Recently, my mum's boss has had a baby, and the other lady who works with mum has been really sick, so mum has been basically running the business.
She has been working full-time; long hours everyday.
So I have been helping out with the cooking and cleaning and washing etc, cuz otherwise I sit on the couch and watch my butt grow.
But she got me a present! I was so sweet, I wasn't expecting it at all!
So I now officially own series 4 of Grey's Anatomy!
I was lying in bed watching them last night, laughing to myself.
It was quite sad really!XD
So in conclusion, I love my mum
She has been working full-time; long hours everyday.
So I have been helping out with the cooking and cleaning and washing etc, cuz otherwise I sit on the couch and watch my butt grow.
But she got me a present! I was so sweet, I wasn't expecting it at all!
So I now officially own series 4 of Grey's Anatomy!
I was lying in bed watching them last night, laughing to myself.
It was quite sad really!XD
So in conclusion, I love my mum
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Book 16 - The Vile Village
Book Title: Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events Book the Seventh: The Vile Village
Book Number: 16
Page Number: 256
Page Subtotal: 5066
YAY one third of the way through my goal!
In this book, the children are sent to the Village of V.F.D., or the Village of Fowl Devotees. This is because the children are involved in a scheme involving the saying 'It takes a village to raise a child'. The children primarily live with Hector, the town's handyman and while they are there, they are accused of murder but escape and free the Quagmires who escape with Hector in a self-sustaining Hot air Balloon. Unfortunately Olaf, who is disguised as Detective Dumpin, stops the children from escaping.
This gets a 7 out of 10. It also used to be one of my least favourites, but now I don't mind it.
Book Number: 16
Page Number: 256
Page Subtotal: 5066
YAY one third of the way through my goal!
In this book, the children are sent to the Village of V.F.D., or the Village of Fowl Devotees. This is because the children are involved in a scheme involving the saying 'It takes a village to raise a child'. The children primarily live with Hector, the town's handyman and while they are there, they are accused of murder but escape and free the Quagmires who escape with Hector in a self-sustaining Hot air Balloon. Unfortunately Olaf, who is disguised as Detective Dumpin, stops the children from escaping.
This gets a 7 out of 10. It also used to be one of my least favourites, but now I don't mind it.
Book 15 - The Ersatz Elevator
Book Title: Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events Book the Sixth: The Ersatz Elevator
Book Number: 15
Page Number: 259
Page Subtotal: 4810
In this one, the children go to live with the city's 6th most important financial advisor and her husband, Esme` and Jerome Squalor. They live in a 72 bedroom penthouse apartment and are, needless to say, extremely rich. Esme` is ver concerned with what is 'in' and 'out' and elevators are out so they have to walk up all 66 flights of stairs to reach the appartment.
Olaf is Gunther, an Auctioneer who is in cohoots with Esme`.
This earns a 7 out of 10
Book Number: 15
Page Number: 259
Page Subtotal: 4810
In this one, the children go to live with the city's 6th most important financial advisor and her husband, Esme` and Jerome Squalor. They live in a 72 bedroom penthouse apartment and are, needless to say, extremely rich. Esme` is ver concerned with what is 'in' and 'out' and elevators are out so they have to walk up all 66 flights of stairs to reach the appartment.
Olaf is Gunther, an Auctioneer who is in cohoots with Esme`.
This earns a 7 out of 10
Book 14 - The Austere Academy
Book Title: Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events Book the Fifth: The Austere Academy
Book Number: 14
Page Number: 221
Page Subtotal: 4551
In this chapter of the orphans' lives, they attend boarding school at Prufock Prep where the buildings are shaped like tombstones and the motto is 'Remember you will die' (it is in Latin, so not many people realise what it means). Their guardian is Vice Principal Nero and Count Olaf is the PE teacher. Here the orphans meet Isadora and Duncan Quagmire, who are triplets but their brother died in a fire that killed their parents also. The triplets are kidnapped by Olaf because their parents left behind very valuable Saphires and Olaf wants to steal them.
This gets a 7 out of 10
Book Number: 14
Page Number: 221
Page Subtotal: 4551
In this chapter of the orphans' lives, they attend boarding school at Prufock Prep where the buildings are shaped like tombstones and the motto is 'Remember you will die' (it is in Latin, so not many people realise what it means). Their guardian is Vice Principal Nero and Count Olaf is the PE teacher. Here the orphans meet Isadora and Duncan Quagmire, who are triplets but their brother died in a fire that killed their parents also. The triplets are kidnapped by Olaf because their parents left behind very valuable Saphires and Olaf wants to steal them.
This gets a 7 out of 10
Book 13 - The Miserable Mill
Book Title: Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events Book the Fourth: The Miserable Mill
Book Number: 13
Page Number: 194
Page Subtotal: 4330
This used to be one of my least favourites in the series, but it has grown on me. In this one, the children live at a Lumber Mill where they turn logs into pieces of wood. Sir is their guardian and Shirley is Count Olaf, a female receptionist who works for an optomitrist who is actually a hypnotist.
This one is a 6.5 out of 10
Book Number: 13
Page Number: 194
Page Subtotal: 4330
This used to be one of my least favourites in the series, but it has grown on me. In this one, the children live at a Lumber Mill where they turn logs into pieces of wood. Sir is their guardian and Shirley is Count Olaf, a female receptionist who works for an optomitrist who is actually a hypnotist.
This one is a 6.5 out of 10
Book 12 - The Wide Window
Book Title: Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events Book the Third: The Wide Window
Book Number: 12
Page Number: 214
Page Subtotal: 4136
I'm not going to explain the story line to you, that could get tedious, seeing as there are 13 books in total, and I intend to read all of them in the next week (I'm already up to the 8th, so I should make it). In this one, The Baudelaire orphans live with their Aunt Josephine and Count Olaf disguses himself as Captain Sham.
This gets a 7 out of 10
Book Number: 12
Page Number: 214
Page Subtotal: 4136
I'm not going to explain the story line to you, that could get tedious, seeing as there are 13 books in total, and I intend to read all of them in the next week (I'm already up to the 8th, so I should make it). In this one, The Baudelaire orphans live with their Aunt Josephine and Count Olaf disguses himself as Captain Sham.
This gets a 7 out of 10
Book 11 - Deadly D`ecisions
This is a new author, recommended to me by a friend. Gabe, Kathy Reichs is great!
Book Title: Deadly D`ecisions
Book Number: 11
Page Number: 395
Page Sub-total: 3922
This was a very good book, it is by the woman who writes for the TV show 'Bones'. The book wasn't as...intriguing as others I have read, but still worth it. I just found that the suspense parts could have been more...suspensful? It was occasionally like 'oh, she's in grave danger...that sucks' rather than 'asdfjkl; we're all going to die AHHHHHH' if you get what I mean XD
But the story line was very good!
Overall this earns an 8 out of 10.
Book Title: Deadly D`ecisions
Book Number: 11
Page Number: 395
Page Sub-total: 3922
This was a very good book, it is by the woman who writes for the TV show 'Bones'. The book wasn't as...intriguing as others I have read, but still worth it. I just found that the suspense parts could have been more...suspensful? It was occasionally like 'oh, she's in grave danger...that sucks' rather than 'asdfjkl; we're all going to die AHHHHHH' if you get what I mean XD
But the story line was very good!
Overall this earns an 8 out of 10.
Book 10 - The Lost Symbol
I actually finished this about 2 weeks ago, bu haven't had a chance to blog it!
Book Title: The Lost Symbol
Book Number: 10
Page Number: 509
Page Subtotal: 3527
This was AMAZING! Dan Brown has such an intriguing way of writting, it is near impossible to stop! I think it took me about 2 or three days to read this, it was soooo brilliant! I'm not going to tell you the story line, cuz that will give away bits of the story as I go along, it is a very...secretive book, there are always new discoveries and you find out new developments as you go along, rather than know a whole chunck of info to start with.
I would definately give it a 9.5 out of 10
Book Title: The Lost Symbol
Book Number: 10
Page Number: 509
Page Subtotal: 3527
This was AMAZING! Dan Brown has such an intriguing way of writting, it is near impossible to stop! I think it took me about 2 or three days to read this, it was soooo brilliant! I'm not going to tell you the story line, cuz that will give away bits of the story as I go along, it is a very...secretive book, there are always new discoveries and you find out new developments as you go along, rather than know a whole chunck of info to start with.
I would definately give it a 9.5 out of 10
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
I have discovered
The very worst quality, feeling, whatever for someone to have is self-assurance.
If you know what you're good at, and you are self-assured about that, imagine the dispair you would feel when you realise that you are not in fact very good at that one thing.
And when you are self-assured, you stop trying, you stop working hard and you just accept that you will be A-ok.
So never be self-assured. Always know that you can go one better, that you can achieve one better.
Never be satisfied with you ability to do something, it is within human nature to go one better than that.
Push yourself, and never be confident in your ability for something.
You may suprise yourself.
You may actually be really bad at that one thing,
But your self assurance has prevented you from seeing beyond that and now you are a jumbled mess who can't do anything.
I guess just don't 'know' that you are good at something; find out before you tell yourself that
If you know what you're good at, and you are self-assured about that, imagine the dispair you would feel when you realise that you are not in fact very good at that one thing.
And when you are self-assured, you stop trying, you stop working hard and you just accept that you will be A-ok.
So never be self-assured. Always know that you can go one better, that you can achieve one better.
Never be satisfied with you ability to do something, it is within human nature to go one better than that.
Push yourself, and never be confident in your ability for something.
You may suprise yourself.
You may actually be really bad at that one thing,
But your self assurance has prevented you from seeing beyond that and now you are a jumbled mess who can't do anything.
I guess just don't 'know' that you are good at something; find out before you tell yourself that
Friday, December 11, 2009
Amazement
As I do in the holidays, I have recently been watching a LOT of Grey's Anatomy.
And I must say, it is a brilliant show.
There aren't many things that make me cry, but that show does it sometimes.
Anyway, I was watching it last night and there is this episode where there is a massive ferry crash.
And there are heaps of fatalities and even more injuries.
The interns have to go to the scene and basically just help who they can.
This one doctor, Izzie has to help this guy who is trapped under a car and his brain is swelling because he is bleeding into his brain.
So she borrows a power drill from an electrition called Vince and drills multiple burr holes into this man's head...
That is medicine
That is what I want to do
To be able to save someone's life with a power drill on a ferry is...amazing.
To be able to have the ability and the knowledge to do that is just phenomenal, and I want the ability to do that.
I may not be doing anything as dramatic as that (though I would very much like to) I will be helping people.
I will ues my intelligence and knowledge to save someone's life, when no one can.
I want to be a specialty doctor so that I can feel that because of my hard work, I was the only person in the city, or state, or country who could perform that procedure that saved them.
Because of me, not any ol' person off the street, that person is alive.
Talk about job satisfaction!
And I must say, it is a brilliant show.
There aren't many things that make me cry, but that show does it sometimes.
Anyway, I was watching it last night and there is this episode where there is a massive ferry crash.
And there are heaps of fatalities and even more injuries.
The interns have to go to the scene and basically just help who they can.
This one doctor, Izzie has to help this guy who is trapped under a car and his brain is swelling because he is bleeding into his brain.
So she borrows a power drill from an electrition called Vince and drills multiple burr holes into this man's head...
That is medicine
That is what I want to do
To be able to save someone's life with a power drill on a ferry is...amazing.
To be able to have the ability and the knowledge to do that is just phenomenal, and I want the ability to do that.
I may not be doing anything as dramatic as that (though I would very much like to) I will be helping people.
I will ues my intelligence and knowledge to save someone's life, when no one can.
I want to be a specialty doctor so that I can feel that because of my hard work, I was the only person in the city, or state, or country who could perform that procedure that saved them.
Because of me, not any ol' person off the street, that person is alive.
Talk about job satisfaction!
Thursday, December 10, 2009
I wasn't there
I was angry at you for something.
Now I can't remember what it actually was, but I started to ignore you
I forgot about you
Forgot that you might need me
That I should be caring for you, too.
I'm sorry.
I wasn't there
And I should have been, but I wasn't and I can't take that back now.
We've all said and done things we wish we hadn't, and none of us can take that back.
So let's start afresh, start over and forget what's been said and done.
Not just you, but all of you.
Everyone.
Let's stop, forget and start over.
Because we are about to enter the biggest year of our life,
Everything we do next year will determine what we will be able to do in the years to come
So why enter it with grudges,
Why enter the most amazing year of our lives without the friends that we hold most dear.
So I propose a new begining.
No prejudices, No Silent treatment, No Ignoring, No forgetting.
Start completely over.
Hi, I'm Tianna. Want to be friends?
Now I can't remember what it actually was, but I started to ignore you
I forgot about you
Forgot that you might need me
That I should be caring for you, too.
I'm sorry.
I wasn't there
And I should have been, but I wasn't and I can't take that back now.
We've all said and done things we wish we hadn't, and none of us can take that back.
So let's start afresh, start over and forget what's been said and done.
Not just you, but all of you.
Everyone.
Let's stop, forget and start over.
Because we are about to enter the biggest year of our life,
Everything we do next year will determine what we will be able to do in the years to come
So why enter it with grudges,
Why enter the most amazing year of our lives without the friends that we hold most dear.
So I propose a new begining.
No prejudices, No Silent treatment, No Ignoring, No forgetting.
Start completely over.
Hi, I'm Tianna. Want to be friends?
Monday, December 7, 2009
Don't feel guilty
Sometimes, you can't fix them,
Even when you try
And others, try as you might,
There is nothing that can be done.
But don't feel guilty for having feelings,
For having a little self preservance
God knows, once in a while you need to be selfish
ignore all the other problems and think only of yours
And it's been a while since you were selfish
So your 'once in a while' quota needs to be filled
So don't feel guilty,
Be selfish
Worry about your own problems,
I'll take care of everything else XD
p.s. I'm guessing Saturday night didn't go down too well?
how is you 'date' for saturday night going? Is she ok?
love you always
Even when you try
And others, try as you might,
There is nothing that can be done.
But don't feel guilty for having feelings,
For having a little self preservance
God knows, once in a while you need to be selfish
ignore all the other problems and think only of yours
And it's been a while since you were selfish
So your 'once in a while' quota needs to be filled
So don't feel guilty,
Be selfish
Worry about your own problems,
I'll take care of everything else XD
p.s. I'm guessing Saturday night didn't go down too well?
how is you 'date' for saturday night going? Is she ok?
love you always
Thursday, December 3, 2009
I'm writting again
I recently discovered that I quite enjoy writting.
So I have endevoured to write another story/pages of pointless writting
It is a little different from last time
More original, more me
So hopefully, over these holidays I will get a nice chunk of it written...
We'll see!
But it's good; I never thought myself a writter, but recently my self-esteem in regards to writting has been sufficiently boosted, so I'm giving it a go.
If it's any good (or rather if I decide I'm reasonably satisfied with it) I might even post it!
Watch this space! XD
So I have endevoured to write another story/pages of pointless writting
It is a little different from last time
More original, more me
So hopefully, over these holidays I will get a nice chunk of it written...
We'll see!
But it's good; I never thought myself a writter, but recently my self-esteem in regards to writting has been sufficiently boosted, so I'm giving it a go.
If it's any good (or rather if I decide I'm reasonably satisfied with it) I might even post it!
Watch this space! XD
I hate this
I hate that you're hurting
I hate that there isn't anything I can do to fix it
I hate that I know exactly what you are going through, yet still can't help
I hate that I know the feelings you have
I hate that they are so bad
I hate that you can't sleep
I hate that I know how long it took me before I slept soundly again
I hate that this has to happen to one more person
I hate that 16 years isn't long enough with him
I hate that 6 years is no where near enough with him
I hate that you have to grow up before your time
I hate that your mum needs you
I hate that it's his fault that your mum needs you
I hate that you have the fear that I had
I hate this
I hate this
I hate this
You don't deserve this. None of you do. No one does, yet still it is something we must endure.
I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you will get through this, and you will get through it a better and more mature person than you could ever have imagined you would ever be.
You will find your place and you will fulfill your role and you will be brilliant.
And then when it is time for you to go out into the world, you will be mature enough to be able to face it with good grace and accept any challenges that come your way.
I hate this, And I hated it for me
But, morbid though it may seem.
I am grateful now
Because it has changed me for the better
I went through some horrible stuff,
But I grew as a person, and learnt to deal with it,
And now I am ready to face the world.
I have grown up, and I will succeed.
In time, you will get past this,
And you will be ready.
And in the meantime, we will be here,
waiting to fix all your problems,
to help you in any and every way we can
so take advantage of us;
we are here for a reason.
I promise I will be your fairy Godmother
I hate that there isn't anything I can do to fix it
I hate that I know exactly what you are going through, yet still can't help
I hate that I know the feelings you have
I hate that they are so bad
I hate that you can't sleep
I hate that I know how long it took me before I slept soundly again
I hate that this has to happen to one more person
I hate that 16 years isn't long enough with him
I hate that 6 years is no where near enough with him
I hate that you have to grow up before your time
I hate that your mum needs you
I hate that it's his fault that your mum needs you
I hate that you have the fear that I had
I hate this
I hate this
I hate this
You don't deserve this. None of you do. No one does, yet still it is something we must endure.
I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you will get through this, and you will get through it a better and more mature person than you could ever have imagined you would ever be.
You will find your place and you will fulfill your role and you will be brilliant.
And then when it is time for you to go out into the world, you will be mature enough to be able to face it with good grace and accept any challenges that come your way.
I hate this, And I hated it for me
But, morbid though it may seem.
I am grateful now
Because it has changed me for the better
I went through some horrible stuff,
But I grew as a person, and learnt to deal with it,
And now I am ready to face the world.
I have grown up, and I will succeed.
In time, you will get past this,
And you will be ready.
And in the meantime, we will be here,
waiting to fix all your problems,
to help you in any and every way we can
so take advantage of us;
we are here for a reason.
I promise I will be your fairy Godmother
Book 9 - Breaking Dawn
I actually finished this a few days ago, I just keep forgetting to post it.
I was quite proud actually, I finished it in 30 hrs!
Book Number: 9
Book Name: Breaking Dawn
Page Number: 756
Page Subtotal: 3018
This is my favourite in the series, I like the way we hear from Jacob, because he is a central part of the story at this stage. I like the fact that what everyone 'knew would happen' actually did, because many books allude to the fact that something might happen, however the author dodges that and does something else. So it was refreshing to have the outcome we wanted actually spelt out for us, rather than guessing. Like all fairy tales and fantasy books, it had a happy ending for everybody, and at this stage in society, I think it's about time someone got their happy ending. I was a little heart-broken the first time I read this because at one stage in the novel, the narrator is speaking about making things final, and when you know that something is going to end, and it says 'It's like putting 'the end' on the last page of a manuscript' and low and behold, on the last page of the manuscript, there, typed in fancy font were the words 'The End'. That was depressing.
Overall, a 9.9999* (re-occuring) out of 10. I REALLY love this book!
I was quite proud actually, I finished it in 30 hrs!
Book Number: 9
Book Name: Breaking Dawn
Page Number: 756
Page Subtotal: 3018
This is my favourite in the series, I like the way we hear from Jacob, because he is a central part of the story at this stage. I like the fact that what everyone 'knew would happen' actually did, because many books allude to the fact that something might happen, however the author dodges that and does something else. So it was refreshing to have the outcome we wanted actually spelt out for us, rather than guessing. Like all fairy tales and fantasy books, it had a happy ending for everybody, and at this stage in society, I think it's about time someone got their happy ending. I was a little heart-broken the first time I read this because at one stage in the novel, the narrator is speaking about making things final, and when you know that something is going to end, and it says 'It's like putting 'the end' on the last page of a manuscript' and low and behold, on the last page of the manuscript, there, typed in fancy font were the words 'The End'. That was depressing.
Overall, a 9.9999* (re-occuring) out of 10. I REALLY love this book!
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
I
have nothing to say.
I feel as if I should be saying things, so many different things to so many different people
but I'm coming up short.
I have no words.
My words have left the building.
So I'm sorry to all of you,
Please imagine that I have said the right words to you
because right now,
I have run out of words
There are no words in my brain to be said
Currently,
I am wordless
I feel as if I should be saying things, so many different things to so many different people
but I'm coming up short.
I have no words.
My words have left the building.
So I'm sorry to all of you,
Please imagine that I have said the right words to you
because right now,
I have run out of words
There are no words in my brain to be said
Currently,
I am wordless
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Hehehe
My sister got braces today.
I called her brace face
She glared
I laughed!
She was like super dooper excited though,
and she got red and green cuz it's nearly Christmas
I called her brace face
She glared
I laughed!
She was like super dooper excited though,
and she got red and green cuz it's nearly Christmas
Start Spreading the News...
Well, I'm not leaving today, but...
I could.
Because, you see, I have recently aquired a small blue card that entitles me to operate a motor vehicle....
GOT MY LEARNERS TODAY!
yay milestone!
yes, of course I got 30 out of 30 *shifty eyes*
I only got 28. Stupid cyclists. I mean seriously, who needs to know how far apart cyclists can ride on a road! I was only 50cm off!!!
I could.
Because, you see, I have recently aquired a small blue card that entitles me to operate a motor vehicle....
GOT MY LEARNERS TODAY!
yay milestone!
yes, of course I got 30 out of 30 *shifty eyes*
I only got 28. Stupid cyclists. I mean seriously, who needs to know how far apart cyclists can ride on a road! I was only 50cm off!!!
Monday, November 30, 2009
Book 8 - Eclipse
I finished this one in a day and a half!!!
Book number: 8
Book Name: Eclipse
Page Number: 628
Page Subtotal: 2262
This one I really like. You get a bit of Jacob and Edward, and the love triangle starts to develop.
Also, Bella kisses Jacob, that gets a little hot under the collar XD. You start to see the sacrifices the three of them make for one another, and the love they share.
It's my second favourite.
I would give it a 9.5 out of 10.
Book number: 8
Book Name: Eclipse
Page Number: 628
Page Subtotal: 2262
This one I really like. You get a bit of Jacob and Edward, and the love triangle starts to develop.
Also, Bella kisses Jacob, that gets a little hot under the collar XD. You start to see the sacrifices the three of them make for one another, and the love they share.
It's my second favourite.
I would give it a 9.5 out of 10.
Book 7 - New Moon
Book Number: 7
Book Name: New Moon
Page Number: 563
Page Subtotal: 1634
This used to be my least favourite Twilight Saga Novel, but it is growing on me. I think Jacob is a brilliant character, he represents what a lot of people have, someone who loves you, who you can't love back. It's kinda sad to hear about his pain and such because Bella is still so in love with Edward that she can't get close to Jacob in the way that she should.
I would give it a 9 out of 10. It's very well written.
Book Name: New Moon
Page Number: 563
Page Subtotal: 1634
This used to be my least favourite Twilight Saga Novel, but it is growing on me. I think Jacob is a brilliant character, he represents what a lot of people have, someone who loves you, who you can't love back. It's kinda sad to hear about his pain and such because Bella is still so in love with Edward that she can't get close to Jacob in the way that she should.
I would give it a 9 out of 10. It's very well written.
Book 6 - Twilight
No, you don't get to judge me on the number of times I have read this.
Besides, Harry Potter is more
Book Number: 6
Book Name: Twilight
Page Number: 434
Page Subtotal: 1071
Woot Woot, my first thousand!
This book is extremely well written, very intriguing. I'm sure you all know the story, Human falls in love with vampire, Vampire refrains from drinking her blood, vampire falls in love with human, crazy dude wants to drink human, vampire kills crazy dude, vampire and human profess love for each other and they live happily ever after.
But it is so much more than that. The way Stephanie Meyer explains his irrational love, his control and dicipline, and the lengths people go to for love, well it makes you depressed that you don't have a gorgeous vampire risking his existance to save you. I don't think words can do it justice.
9.5 out of 10. It can get a little tiresome with the whole 'i love you' thing. It happens a lot
Besides, Harry Potter is more
Book Number: 6
Book Name: Twilight
Page Number: 434
Page Subtotal: 1071
Woot Woot, my first thousand!
This book is extremely well written, very intriguing. I'm sure you all know the story, Human falls in love with vampire, Vampire refrains from drinking her blood, vampire falls in love with human, crazy dude wants to drink human, vampire kills crazy dude, vampire and human profess love for each other and they live happily ever after.
But it is so much more than that. The way Stephanie Meyer explains his irrational love, his control and dicipline, and the lengths people go to for love, well it makes you depressed that you don't have a gorgeous vampire risking his existance to save you. I don't think words can do it justice.
9.5 out of 10. It can get a little tiresome with the whole 'i love you' thing. It happens a lot
I lied, and I broke my promise
I miss you!
I told you I wouldn't, but I do...
I look at my dutchess, and the book you gave me is there and I miss you
I walk into my room and see the CD you gave me and I miss you
I open my book and see your bookmark and I miss you
I open my phone and see you smiling at me and I miss you
So I'm sorry I broke my promise.
I hope you're having fun
But come back soon,
Half of me is missing.
I told you I wouldn't, but I do...
I look at my dutchess, and the book you gave me is there and I miss you
I walk into my room and see the CD you gave me and I miss you
I open my book and see your bookmark and I miss you
I open my phone and see you smiling at me and I miss you
So I'm sorry I broke my promise.
I hope you're having fun
But come back soon,
Half of me is missing.
Friday, November 27, 2009
I owe you an apology
This has a long time coming.
I'm sorry
I know those words don't mean much, but I mean them.
I was angry at you for a long time, because you were hurting her.
But I see now
That you were doing your best, doing the best you could, and that's all anyone can ask of another person.
Maybe you were right for her,
Maybe you weren't
But I am grateful that you were there for her when I couldn't be
You were able to be the support that she needed, when I was unable to provide it
So thankful
I owe you a lot
Because if she was broken beyond repair
I would not, could not survive
If she were unable to recover
I would have no point being here
She is practically everything to me, and if you couldn't fix her
then I don't know what I would have done.
So thankyou
and sorry
I did some stupid and childish things and I hurt you, but I'm sorry
Mi dispiace, davvero profondamente dispiaciuto.
Mi auguro che ci sia qualcosa che posso fare in futuro per rendere a voi
perché devo molto
Mi auguro che possiate perdonarmi
I'm sorry
I know those words don't mean much, but I mean them.
I was angry at you for a long time, because you were hurting her.
But I see now
That you were doing your best, doing the best you could, and that's all anyone can ask of another person.
Maybe you were right for her,
Maybe you weren't
But I am grateful that you were there for her when I couldn't be
You were able to be the support that she needed, when I was unable to provide it
So thankful
I owe you a lot
Because if she was broken beyond repair
I would not, could not survive
If she were unable to recover
I would have no point being here
She is practically everything to me, and if you couldn't fix her
then I don't know what I would have done.
So thankyou
and sorry
I did some stupid and childish things and I hurt you, but I'm sorry
Mi dispiace, davvero profondamente dispiaciuto.
Mi auguro che ci sia qualcosa che posso fare in futuro per rendere a voi
perché devo molto
Mi auguro che possiate perdonarmi
I cried today
I haven't in a long time.
It wasn't because I hurt myself,
I was hurt, but it wasn't because I fell down or whatever
It wasn't that kind of crying.
It was the
I-don't-know-when-this-is-going-to-stop kind
the
I-can-feel-my-heartbeat-in-the-roof-of-my-mouth kind
the
I'm-so-glad-no-one-has-to-see-this kind
the kind that I haven't done in a while.
Why?
Because Life is unfair.
That seems to be a fickle thing to cry over, but it wasn't
Bad things happen to good people who don't deserve it
Good things happen to bad people who don't deserve it
People who have everything they could ever ask for complain
People who have everything done for them complain that they are hard done by
People can't just accept that other people may be having a harder time then them at the time
It was because I was angry at people who I don't even know
It was becuase I was angry at a person who I am supposed to love unconditionally
It was because I can't handle seeing the people I love in pain
Because they don't need it
They don't deserve it.
Yet they must deal with it anyway
So, the tears fell, my face became red and my eyes turned a brilliant blue upon the backdrop of red. I really do like my eyes when I cry
I cried today
I guess, once I had finished, it felt good
But I hate the helplessness
It wasn't because I hurt myself,
I was hurt, but it wasn't because I fell down or whatever
It wasn't that kind of crying.
It was the
I-don't-know-when-this-is-going-to-stop kind
the
I-can-feel-my-heartbeat-in-the-roof-of-my-mouth kind
the
I'm-so-glad-no-one-has-to-see-this kind
the kind that I haven't done in a while.
Why?
Because Life is unfair.
That seems to be a fickle thing to cry over, but it wasn't
Bad things happen to good people who don't deserve it
Good things happen to bad people who don't deserve it
People who have everything they could ever ask for complain
People who have everything done for them complain that they are hard done by
People can't just accept that other people may be having a harder time then them at the time
It was because I was angry at people who I don't even know
It was becuase I was angry at a person who I am supposed to love unconditionally
It was because I can't handle seeing the people I love in pain
Because they don't need it
They don't deserve it.
Yet they must deal with it anyway
So, the tears fell, my face became red and my eyes turned a brilliant blue upon the backdrop of red. I really do like my eyes when I cry
I cried today
I guess, once I had finished, it felt good
But I hate the helplessness
Yes
The fear
The sheer fear that he would cause her to cry one more time
The fear of being away from her, that she too might disapear
The fear.
But for me, there weren't times before
Well, not in recent years anyway
I suppose it had happened before.
But it was all good.
Well it seemed to be for us at the time anyway.
Looking back I can see that it wasn't
But that's beside the point.
But I'm ok now.
Comparitively anyway.
Because of you and because of her, I made it through.
So together, we will make sure you make it through.
All of you.
So don't hesitate
Call me,
Find me
Hug me,
Cry on me,
Yell at me,
Confide in me
Because I will be there,
No matter what
Even if you don't want me, I will be there.
You don't understand the immense support and help you were to me
You and her were my escape
So we will be your escape
I'll be there
I'll be there
Just call my name
And I'll be there
The sheer fear that he would cause her to cry one more time
The fear of being away from her, that she too might disapear
The fear.
But for me, there weren't times before
Well, not in recent years anyway
I suppose it had happened before.
But it was all good.
Well it seemed to be for us at the time anyway.
Looking back I can see that it wasn't
But that's beside the point.
But I'm ok now.
Comparitively anyway.
Because of you and because of her, I made it through.
So together, we will make sure you make it through.
All of you.
So don't hesitate
Call me,
Find me
Hug me,
Cry on me,
Yell at me,
Confide in me
Because I will be there,
No matter what
Even if you don't want me, I will be there.
You don't understand the immense support and help you were to me
You and her were my escape
So we will be your escape
I'll be there
I'll be there
Just call my name
And I'll be there
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Physics
Just to keep with the trend of freaking out about physics tomorrow, I thought I'd blog too!
I have...20 hours until the Physics exam, 8 of which I plan to spend sleeping, 2 of which I will spend not studying tomorrow morning, and 5 of which I plan to spend writting and re-writting and re-re-writting and re-re-re-writting my SOR until it sticks in my head. Therefore, I have 5 hours left, and I also need to allow time for eating, Australian Idol and toilet breaks....
Essentially, there is minimal physics being done today.
Luckily though, it wasn't my brother Elliot's birthday yesterday, which would have been a difficult feat anyway considering I don't have a brother named Elliot...I don't even have a brother.
Yesterday, I spent the better part of 6 hours at the computer desk with the following laws sticky noted/blue tacked to the wall beside me
F = m x a
Fr = Wsin*theta*
Fr = W cos*theta*
W = m x g
s = ut + 1/2at^2
v = u + at
v^2 = u^2 + 2as
Fr = mu x R
I'm still not sure how do decide whether to use the cos or the sin thingo, and I fail at any of the friction things further than F = ma, BUT I totally ace projectiles, so lets hope there's a few of them chucked in there!
My problem is the whole 'what now' thing, cuz like Kristy said, we don't have the answers next to us to be able to say, 'oh, i see, i now need to multiply this by the acceleration to get the right answer'. somehow i need to just know that the acceleration etc should be multiplied in there.
and i hope we don't have to calculate vector net forces. I don't like Vector, whoever he is, he has some pretty STUPID laws.
The problem is, I am not going to fail chem cuz i will only have monday afternoon to study for it...but in terms of the exam, although they are written by the same person, i think the chem will be astronomically easier, you know considering there is not friction when considering reaction rates!!
ok, i've bored you enough!
I have...20 hours until the Physics exam, 8 of which I plan to spend sleeping, 2 of which I will spend not studying tomorrow morning, and 5 of which I plan to spend writting and re-writting and re-re-writting and re-re-re-writting my SOR until it sticks in my head. Therefore, I have 5 hours left, and I also need to allow time for eating, Australian Idol and toilet breaks....
Essentially, there is minimal physics being done today.
Luckily though, it wasn't my brother Elliot's birthday yesterday, which would have been a difficult feat anyway considering I don't have a brother named Elliot...I don't even have a brother.
Yesterday, I spent the better part of 6 hours at the computer desk with the following laws sticky noted/blue tacked to the wall beside me
F = m x a
Fr = Wsin*theta*
Fr = W cos*theta*
W = m x g
s = ut + 1/2at^2
v = u + at
v^2 = u^2 + 2as
Fr = mu x R
I'm still not sure how do decide whether to use the cos or the sin thingo, and I fail at any of the friction things further than F = ma, BUT I totally ace projectiles, so lets hope there's a few of them chucked in there!
My problem is the whole 'what now' thing, cuz like Kristy said, we don't have the answers next to us to be able to say, 'oh, i see, i now need to multiply this by the acceleration to get the right answer'. somehow i need to just know that the acceleration etc should be multiplied in there.
and i hope we don't have to calculate vector net forces. I don't like Vector, whoever he is, he has some pretty STUPID laws.
The problem is, I am not going to fail chem cuz i will only have monday afternoon to study for it...but in terms of the exam, although they are written by the same person, i think the chem will be astronomically easier, you know considering there is not friction when considering reaction rates!!
ok, i've bored you enough!
False alarm
t'would appear that 100 posts does not necessarily mean 100 published posts.
lol
i really should have checked that...
lol
i really should have checked that...
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Giving Up
Never in my life have I contemplated giving up than these last few weeks.
I have seriously wondered if it would be possible for me to just stop, and still do what I want to do.
I realised the answer is no.
And besides,
I don't want to be the straight A student who had her whole life ahead of her who quit high school and screwed up her whole life.
I could easily do it.
But I'm not going to.
For now.
But does anyone else just get that feeling of being overwhelmed?
I came home yesterday, and the thought of having to walk up those stairs after such a stressful and tiring week nearly brought tears to my eyes.
Between the heat and the stress, and the wanting to give up,
all I could do was collapse on my bed and try to breathe.
All afternoon I was vacant.
I wasn't talking, I wasn't doing anything, because I didn't have the energy to be happy.
A smile or laughter was all too much for me, by the end of this week.
But I'm all good now.
It reminds me that no matter how hard something seems, it will get better.
You will heal
and you will live to smile another day.
I don't know what I was getting at here,
But I think I just needed to convince myself that giving up was not an option,
particularly seeing as I'm about to start some Physics study.
If there ever was a thing that I found hard and 'slit my wrists-y' it is Physics.
But all we can do is endure.
Just endure.
If it's all you can ever do, and this I have learnt this year,
All you must to is endure.
Endure the assignments
Endure the impending depression
Endure the workload
Endure the Maths question
Endure the constant demand of your attention and intelligence.
Just endure.
And, in the end, you will get there,
you will no longer need to endure, you can do it anyway.
I think I have said enough for one day
besides, I really must start this Physics!!
I have seriously wondered if it would be possible for me to just stop, and still do what I want to do.
I realised the answer is no.
And besides,
I don't want to be the straight A student who had her whole life ahead of her who quit high school and screwed up her whole life.
I could easily do it.
But I'm not going to.
For now.
But does anyone else just get that feeling of being overwhelmed?
I came home yesterday, and the thought of having to walk up those stairs after such a stressful and tiring week nearly brought tears to my eyes.
Between the heat and the stress, and the wanting to give up,
all I could do was collapse on my bed and try to breathe.
All afternoon I was vacant.
I wasn't talking, I wasn't doing anything, because I didn't have the energy to be happy.
A smile or laughter was all too much for me, by the end of this week.
But I'm all good now.
It reminds me that no matter how hard something seems, it will get better.
You will heal
and you will live to smile another day.
I don't know what I was getting at here,
But I think I just needed to convince myself that giving up was not an option,
particularly seeing as I'm about to start some Physics study.
If there ever was a thing that I found hard and 'slit my wrists-y' it is Physics.
But all we can do is endure.
Just endure.
If it's all you can ever do, and this I have learnt this year,
All you must to is endure.
Endure the assignments
Endure the impending depression
Endure the workload
Endure the Maths question
Endure the constant demand of your attention and intelligence.
Just endure.
And, in the end, you will get there,
you will no longer need to endure, you can do it anyway.
I think I have said enough for one day
besides, I really must start this Physics!!
I don't think you understand...
I know you're hurting.
And there is no way you could ever keep that from me.
You need to understand that not knowing why you're hurting,
and that helpless sense of uselessness it worse than seeing you hurting...
well not really, but it's close.
You can come to me.
Tell me all your problems and I will fix them for you.
That's my job
To take away your pain, and dispose of it safely.
You can't keep this from me.
I will find out in the end...
If it's different from what I think it is.
Don't worry about me.
Don't think that you are protecting me,
I can't bear to watch you upset,
So let me help you fix it.
Love you always,
My darling Amythyst
And there is no way you could ever keep that from me.
You need to understand that not knowing why you're hurting,
and that helpless sense of uselessness it worse than seeing you hurting...
well not really, but it's close.
You can come to me.
Tell me all your problems and I will fix them for you.
That's my job
To take away your pain, and dispose of it safely.
You can't keep this from me.
I will find out in the end...
If it's different from what I think it is.
Don't worry about me.
Don't think that you are protecting me,
I can't bear to watch you upset,
So let me help you fix it.
Love you always,
My darling Amythyst
Thursday, November 12, 2009
I'm not going to tell you it'll be easy
Cuz it won't.
It will hurt like hell
You will hurt, and cry, and be angry,
At yourself, and at her
but then
one day
It will change.
You will realise that
things are getting better
You are sleeping a little longer
Eating a little more
Begining to smile once in a while
You start to forget
Forget the pain,
Forget that you 'should' be sad
But don't feel guilty,
You are allowed to forget
She won't want you to be sad forever
But be sad
Feel the pain
For as long as you have to.
Don't let others decide when you should
and shouldn't feel pain.
That's your choice,
Your decision
All you have to do
Is deal with it to the best of your ability
Thats all you can do.
Just do your best, and you will cope.
Do your best, and you will get through it.
Love you always,
you have a special place in my heart
It will hurt like hell
You will hurt, and cry, and be angry,
At yourself, and at her
but then
one day
It will change.
You will realise that
things are getting better
You are sleeping a little longer
Eating a little more
Begining to smile once in a while
You start to forget
Forget the pain,
Forget that you 'should' be sad
But don't feel guilty,
You are allowed to forget
She won't want you to be sad forever
But be sad
Feel the pain
For as long as you have to.
Don't let others decide when you should
and shouldn't feel pain.
That's your choice,
Your decision
All you have to do
Is deal with it to the best of your ability
Thats all you can do.
Just do your best, and you will cope.
Do your best, and you will get through it.
Love you always,
you have a special place in my heart
You know I still checked
Just in case, waiting for you to write something.
And then, for a couple of days, I don't.
And you blog.
And I missed it.
Just my luck.
I miss reading you
And then, for a couple of days, I don't.
And you blog.
And I missed it.
Just my luck.
I miss reading you
Monday, November 9, 2009
Book 5 - The Reptile Room
This is the second of the Lemony Snicket Novels.
Book Number: 5
Book Title: Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events Book the Second: The Reptile Room
Page Number: 190
Page Subtotal: 637
WooHoo! More Pages!!
In this one, the orphans are taken to their Uncle Monty (They haven't ever met him) who is a herpatologist I think, He studies snakes and reptiles. They have a wonderful time with him until his new assistant arrives, Stefano, only it is really Count Olaf in disguise. After threatening to cut of Sunny's toe, Stefano kills Uncle Monty, making it seem as if a snake did it. He then proceeds to attempt to whisk them away to Peru, but accidently drives into Mr Poe's car (he's the bank manager due in charge of the Baudelaire Fortune) when the children tell him what is going on, and Olaf escapes. The children get back in Mr Poe's car ready to be re-asigned a guardian.
I would give this one a 7.5 out of 10. It is quite good, and I like the style of writting that Snicket uses.
Book Number: 5
Book Title: Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events Book the Second: The Reptile Room
Page Number: 190
Page Subtotal: 637
WooHoo! More Pages!!
In this one, the orphans are taken to their Uncle Monty (They haven't ever met him) who is a herpatologist I think, He studies snakes and reptiles. They have a wonderful time with him until his new assistant arrives, Stefano, only it is really Count Olaf in disguise. After threatening to cut of Sunny's toe, Stefano kills Uncle Monty, making it seem as if a snake did it. He then proceeds to attempt to whisk them away to Peru, but accidently drives into Mr Poe's car (he's the bank manager due in charge of the Baudelaire Fortune) when the children tell him what is going on, and Olaf escapes. The children get back in Mr Poe's car ready to be re-asigned a guardian.
I would give this one a 7.5 out of 10. It is quite good, and I like the style of writting that Snicket uses.
Book 4 - Animal Farm
Yes, I did just read it for the 3rd time (Ms Smart will be happy XD)
I had to find quotes for the essay, and that required me re-re-reading it!
so
Book Number: 4
Book Title: Animal Farm
Page Number: 95
Page Subtotal: 447
I still have the same opinion, only I'm getting a little annoyed with it!!!
I had to find quotes for the essay, and that required me re-re-reading it!
so
Book Number: 4
Book Title: Animal Farm
Page Number: 95
Page Subtotal: 447
I still have the same opinion, only I'm getting a little annoyed with it!!!
Book 3 - The Bad Beginning
Childrens' book? Yes I know. Doesn't stop me from reading it though!
Book Number: 3
Book Title: Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events Book the First: The Bad Beginning
Page Number: 162
Page Subtotal: 352
I have read this before so I suppose that's cheating, but there aren't many books I own that I haven't read, so get used to it! XD
It is a book intended for pre-teens (i.e. my maturity level!). The story is about 3 children who find that their parents have been killed in a fire that destroyed their entire home. They are told by their parent's executor of estate who coughs a lot that they are to live with their closest relative; either their 3rd cousin 4 times removed or 4th cousin 3 times removed. Geographically though, he was just down the road. Here they are forced to do a great number of chores for Count Olaf and by the end of the story, Olaf tries to marry Violet (The eldest, she is 14, Klaus is 12 and Sunny is so small she is scarecely larger than a loaf of Bread) so that as her husband, he can assume control of the enormous fortune their parents left them. She discovers his plan and signs the marriage certificate with her left hand (she is right handed) and it is null and void. They are removed from his care.
In it's category, it is about an 8.5 out of 10. Obviously, I have read some more complex and...adult books...like the Tomorrow Series, there is a lot more blood and guts in those!! XD
Toodles!
oh! seeing as I have reduced the total/goal, it seems my countdown has significantly reduced!!!
Book Number: 3
Book Title: Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events Book the First: The Bad Beginning
Page Number: 162
Page Subtotal: 352
I have read this before so I suppose that's cheating, but there aren't many books I own that I haven't read, so get used to it! XD
It is a book intended for pre-teens (i.e. my maturity level!). The story is about 3 children who find that their parents have been killed in a fire that destroyed their entire home. They are told by their parent's executor of estate who coughs a lot that they are to live with their closest relative; either their 3rd cousin 4 times removed or 4th cousin 3 times removed. Geographically though, he was just down the road. Here they are forced to do a great number of chores for Count Olaf and by the end of the story, Olaf tries to marry Violet (The eldest, she is 14, Klaus is 12 and Sunny is so small she is scarecely larger than a loaf of Bread) so that as her husband, he can assume control of the enormous fortune their parents left them. She discovers his plan and signs the marriage certificate with her left hand (she is right handed) and it is null and void. They are removed from his care.
In it's category, it is about an 8.5 out of 10. Obviously, I have read some more complex and...adult books...like the Tomorrow Series, there is a lot more blood and guts in those!! XD
Toodles!
oh! seeing as I have reduced the total/goal, it seems my countdown has significantly reduced!!!
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Quote of the Day
I meant to include this with the other one...
Mr Wagner: So we have an x value...lets call it x
Tianna: duh, sir
Mr Wagner: now we have a y value, what will we call it?
Tianna: *sounding cocky* should we call it y?
Mr Wagner: No, it's called the function of x [as in f(x)]
Tianna: *feeling dejected turns to erin* I could have sworn you would call the y value y if the x value is called x
Erin: *reels over with laughter*
Stress management Session
Mari: Now, you can make these bad thoughts into musical thoughts
Tianna: *raises eyebrow*
Mari: for example *to tune of Happy Birthday* I'm gonna fail the maths test, I'm gonna fail the maths test, I'm gonna fail the maths test tomorrow, I'm gonna fail the maths test
Tianna: *laughs, then glances at erin*
Erin: *reels over with laughter*
Gabe: *Runs into wall* I so did not see that coming
Tianna: what, the wall that's been there the whole time?
Mr Wagner: So we have an x value...lets call it x
Tianna: duh, sir
Mr Wagner: now we have a y value, what will we call it?
Tianna: *sounding cocky* should we call it y?
Mr Wagner: No, it's called the function of x [as in f(x)]
Tianna: *feeling dejected turns to erin* I could have sworn you would call the y value y if the x value is called x
Erin: *reels over with laughter*
Stress management Session
Mari: Now, you can make these bad thoughts into musical thoughts
Tianna: *raises eyebrow*
Mari: for example *to tune of Happy Birthday* I'm gonna fail the maths test, I'm gonna fail the maths test, I'm gonna fail the maths test tomorrow, I'm gonna fail the maths test
Tianna: *laughs, then glances at erin*
Erin: *reels over with laughter*
Gabe: *Runs into wall* I so did not see that coming
Tianna: what, the wall that's been there the whole time?
Moving on...
I'm in a surprisingly good mood today.
Surprising considering my antelope had galloped away for a day,
Surprising considering I had a physics testy thing
Surprising considering Mr Wagner spent 30 minutes explaining to us something that got us the answer we started with...like long division, just a long way to do something quick
Surprising considering I have work tonight
Why was today good?
Because I decided I have changed/am changing/will change
Because I finished SOR
Because I understood Physics (for the first time EVER)
Because I sat in Admin doing nothing, and not stressing at all
Because I only partially yelled at Mr Wagner, and he didn't care anyway (he yelled back lol)
Because I ate cake, and a chicken burger
Because I have more people coming to my event (New Moon!!!)
Because I had a good day
I hope it stays good!
Surprising considering my antelope had galloped away for a day,
Surprising considering I had a physics testy thing
Surprising considering Mr Wagner spent 30 minutes explaining to us something that got us the answer we started with...like long division, just a long way to do something quick
Surprising considering I have work tonight
Why was today good?
Because I decided I have changed/am changing/will change
Because I finished SOR
Because I understood Physics (for the first time EVER)
Because I sat in Admin doing nothing, and not stressing at all
Because I only partially yelled at Mr Wagner, and he didn't care anyway (he yelled back lol)
Because I ate cake, and a chicken burger
Because I have more people coming to my event (New Moon!!!)
Because I had a good day
I hope it stays good!
I'm not a quitter, or a cheater
So I'm going to do neither.
I am not going to quit. I am not going to cheat.
I am going to change the rules so I don't have to cheat or quit!!!
I have decided that after long hard thinking and contemplation at the busyness of my life that 20,000 pages is quite a lot to read. Quite impossible to read.
That would be averaging 50 pages a day, and I have hardly read 50 pages in the last 3 weeks.
Needless to say, I'm not going to make it.
So the rules are changes!
I am going to reduce my endevour to 15,000 pages. This is still averaging 40 pages a day, so it's still an awful lot!
Sorry if y'all are disappointes, deal with it! XD
I am not going to quit. I am not going to cheat.
I am going to change the rules so I don't have to cheat or quit!!!
I have decided that after long hard thinking and contemplation at the busyness of my life that 20,000 pages is quite a lot to read. Quite impossible to read.
That would be averaging 50 pages a day, and I have hardly read 50 pages in the last 3 weeks.
Needless to say, I'm not going to make it.
So the rules are changes!
I am going to reduce my endevour to 15,000 pages. This is still averaging 40 pages a day, so it's still an awful lot!
Sorry if y'all are disappointes, deal with it! XD
Monday, November 2, 2009
And I thought today was bad...
It would seem that next week will be worse...
Look out on the 9th! I think bad mood will be an understatement!
lol intellectual -70% that is so true!
Why?
I think the main reason I don't tell you things straight away is that I really don't like drawing attention to myself. I didn't realise till today, but I really am a secretive person...I don't tell many people very much at all... I guess I am afraid that if you know too much about me, if you know me, or if you realise certain parts of me, you won't want to hang around.
Sometimes I feel that I am too broken, too beyond repair, that there is no point saying anything, because the only thing it will do is make you worse, not me better.
So I choose not to tell.
I will eventually tell you, in most cases, but I wait until it no longer hurts, so that you don't hurt.
You have enough to be getting on with without worrying about me.
I am well equipt to dealing with things, because I am a private person, so sometimes it's best not saying anything.
But it doens't mean I love you any less. It doesn't mean I don't trust you, or value your friendship.
Quite the opposite really.
I just don't like to air my dirty laundry in public, as they say.
So, I think you were the only one who heard earlier today, but the wedding was two or three weeks ago. No, I wasn't invited, but despite what I have said in this post, it didn't hurt. To be honest, I didn't really care, He can do what he likes as far as I'm concerned.
He lost his right to me caring a LONG time ago.
Sometimes I feel that I am too broken, too beyond repair, that there is no point saying anything, because the only thing it will do is make you worse, not me better.
So I choose not to tell.
I will eventually tell you, in most cases, but I wait until it no longer hurts, so that you don't hurt.
You have enough to be getting on with without worrying about me.
I am well equipt to dealing with things, because I am a private person, so sometimes it's best not saying anything.
But it doens't mean I love you any less. It doesn't mean I don't trust you, or value your friendship.
Quite the opposite really.
I just don't like to air my dirty laundry in public, as they say.
So, I think you were the only one who heard earlier today, but the wedding was two or three weeks ago. No, I wasn't invited, but despite what I have said in this post, it didn't hurt. To be honest, I didn't really care, He can do what he likes as far as I'm concerned.
He lost his right to me caring a LONG time ago.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Book 2 - Animal Farm
Yes, I do realise this was also book 1, but I had to read it again to find quotes for an assignment, so it counts.
Book Number: 2
Book Title: Animal Farm
Page Number: 95 I discovered after reading a second time that there are 95, not 94 pages
Page Sub-total: 190
My opinion is still the same...I won't bother repeating it!
Though I must say that after examining it, I do like it a little more...maybe I will say it is worth a 7.5 out of 10.
Book Number: 2
Book Title: Animal Farm
Page Number: 95 I discovered after reading a second time that there are 95, not 94 pages
Page Sub-total: 190
My opinion is still the same...I won't bother repeating it!
Though I must say that after examining it, I do like it a little more...maybe I will say it is worth a 7.5 out of 10.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
EXCITING!
I got to meet my buddy yesterday! Or rather, my little sister!
Her name is Nicole and she is lovely.
I felt a bit bad for her yesterday, Ms Ives was making notes about all the things she likes doing and stuff, and I know that is part of her job description, but it was like she was just another girl, making notes on her like she is a ....I don't know, but I didn't like it.
And the other thing I don't like. PEOPLE!
'I get to meet my buddy today!'
'Oh, why?'
'She is a special needs student'
'OH! Whats wrong with her then?'
I realise what people mean, but its just such a terrible way to say it. There is nothing wrong with her, she is perfectly right. Yes, she does have a learning difficulty, but that doesn't mean that there is something wrong with her. She is just a normal girl who has trouble with some things that the rest of us take for granted. There is nothing wrong about that.
But yes, I'm very excited, and judging from yesterday, so is she!
She was a bit overwhelmed meeting all the people and me explaining how there are 4 different blocks of classrooms, and she met and had photos with about 15 different people, but that isn't even the start of it! But she handled it all very well considering, and is very much looking forward to next year.
To be honest, so am I!
I really have a lot on next year.
I guess not getting a captain was kinda a good thing, though I was still disappointed.
It means that I now have more time to concentrate on Nicole, Chamber/potentially America, Musical and getting grades to be a fancy Doctor in a white coat with a job title no-one can pronounce, but knows I worked extremely hard to get there.
In conclusion, maybe we can organise a lunch date somewhere around...December next year? I'm all booked out till then!
Her name is Nicole and she is lovely.
I felt a bit bad for her yesterday, Ms Ives was making notes about all the things she likes doing and stuff, and I know that is part of her job description, but it was like she was just another girl, making notes on her like she is a ....I don't know, but I didn't like it.
And the other thing I don't like. PEOPLE!
'I get to meet my buddy today!'
'Oh, why?'
'She is a special needs student'
'OH! Whats wrong with her then?'
I realise what people mean, but its just such a terrible way to say it. There is nothing wrong with her, she is perfectly right. Yes, she does have a learning difficulty, but that doesn't mean that there is something wrong with her. She is just a normal girl who has trouble with some things that the rest of us take for granted. There is nothing wrong about that.
But yes, I'm very excited, and judging from yesterday, so is she!
She was a bit overwhelmed meeting all the people and me explaining how there are 4 different blocks of classrooms, and she met and had photos with about 15 different people, but that isn't even the start of it! But she handled it all very well considering, and is very much looking forward to next year.
To be honest, so am I!
I really have a lot on next year.
I guess not getting a captain was kinda a good thing, though I was still disappointed.
It means that I now have more time to concentrate on Nicole, Chamber/potentially America, Musical and getting grades to be a fancy Doctor in a white coat with a job title no-one can pronounce, but knows I worked extremely hard to get there.
In conclusion, maybe we can organise a lunch date somewhere around...December next year? I'm all booked out till then!
Oh Baby...
Needless to say I MISSED YOU!
You were gone, and there was no laughter or happiness in the world...well not in my world.
I think you were right, not only do you take up half my heart but three quaters of my brain as well. I didn't do much today...I just took some measly notes and yelled at the Wag-ninator.
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG! 11 days till your birthday!!!
You are fifteen, going on sixteen inoccent as a rose...I am sixteen, going on seventeen, I'll take care of you! lol I love the Sound of Music!!!
Hope you are well
Cordially
Tianna
You were gone, and there was no laughter or happiness in the world...well not in my world.
I think you were right, not only do you take up half my heart but three quaters of my brain as well. I didn't do much today...I just took some measly notes and yelled at the Wag-ninator.
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG! 11 days till your birthday!!!
You are fifteen, going on sixteen inoccent as a rose...I am sixteen, going on seventeen, I'll take care of you! lol I love the Sound of Music!!!
Hope you are well
Cordially
Tianna
So...
Sup y'all?
I have to get ready for work in 10 minutes so i figured there's no point in my actually doing anthing...So ima bloggin'!
oh, the reading thing isn't coming along so well...as in I have read about 5 pages since I last posted...naturally I'm not yet finished a book!!!
so...*gay babies being born*
yeh I got nothing to say...
Bye
I have to get ready for work in 10 minutes so i figured there's no point in my actually doing anthing...So ima bloggin'!
oh, the reading thing isn't coming along so well...as in I have read about 5 pages since I last posted...naturally I'm not yet finished a book!!!
so...*gay babies being born*
yeh I got nothing to say...
Bye
Monday, October 19, 2009
Dear Plannie Blogger,
With my deepest regrets, I am obliged to inform you that I have already started the Jane Austen Books. Currently, I am reading page 230 of Pride & Prejudice.
Regretably, it was not of my knowledge that the likes of you were interested in such texts, nor were you interested in reading them in tandem with the likes of me, formally known as 'The Hottness' or 'Oh Sexy One'.
Fortunately, the book that is currently being read by yours truly is the first out of all of them to be read, and if you feel it would not cause you too much inconvenience, you could aquire a copy of said book and merely 'catch-up' to said page.
In the future I will do my upmost to ensure that the aspirations of all are considered before enbarking on such adventures as reading Ms Austen's novels, and I will be sure to consult you first.
Cordially,
Book Blogger
Regretably, it was not of my knowledge that the likes of you were interested in such texts, nor were you interested in reading them in tandem with the likes of me, formally known as 'The Hottness' or 'Oh Sexy One'.
Fortunately, the book that is currently being read by yours truly is the first out of all of them to be read, and if you feel it would not cause you too much inconvenience, you could aquire a copy of said book and merely 'catch-up' to said page.
In the future I will do my upmost to ensure that the aspirations of all are considered before enbarking on such adventures as reading Ms Austen's novels, and I will be sure to consult you first.
Cordially,
Book Blogger
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Genah's HP Survey
01. If you went to Hogwarts, which house would you be sorted in? Gryfindor
02. Have you ever been to a Harry Potter midnight release? No...I don't think Australia has them
03. What did you think of Deathly Hallows? Sad it ended...need more books!!! Oh, Hated the kid's names!
04. How many times have you reread the books? Good God! it Varies...The first about 12, but the 7th about 3
05. Whose death was the saddest? Dobby's - I cried
06. If you went to Hogwarts, would you rather have a pet owl, cat, or rat? Owl
07. What did you think of the movie Half-Blood Prince? too many...feelings
08. What do you think of Deathly Hallows being split in half? Good, but now i have to wait
09. Have you read The Tales of Beedle the Bard? Yeh, but i was disappointed
10. When did you first become a Harry Potter fan? Grade 3 but i wasn't allowed to read/watch it because it would 'corrupt my mind' I didn't actually read it till Year 5
FavoritesFemale Character? Hermione
Male Character? Sirius
Professor? Lupin
Death Eater? Bellatrix Lestrange
Magical Creature? Merepeople
Spell? Accio...or disapparating..does that count?
Quote? "Harry's scar hadn't bothered him in 17 years...All was good" i also like the scene in Deathly Hallows when Hermione goes off at Ron after he comes back from Shell Cottage
Book? Order of the Phoenix
Movie? 6th
Hogwarts House? Gryfindor
Place? Hogwarts
Weasley? Fred & George...i like them for their sense of humour
Couple? Ron and Hermione...reminds me of my grandarents (don't ask why)
This or That
Gryffindor or Slytherin? Gryfindor
Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff? Ravenclaw
Fred or George? Fred
Ginny or Luna? Luna
Butterbeer or Firewhiskey? Butterbeer
Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley? Hogsmeade
Books or Movies? Books
Half-Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows? Deathly Hallows
Sorcerer’s Stone or Chamber of Secrets? Chamber of Secrets
Snape or Slughorn? Snape....but not till the end
Lupin or Sirius? Sirius
Harry/Ginny or Harry/Hermione? Harry/Hermione
Lavender Brown or Parvati Patil? Lavender
Seamus Finnigan or Dean Thomas? Seamus
Kreacher or Dobby? Dobby
Muggleborn or Pureblood? Muggleborn...always wanted to be one
Daniel Radcliffe or Rupert Grint? Rupert Grint
Bellatrix Lestrange or Narcissa Malfoy? Bellatrix
Voldemort or Tom Riddle? Tom Riddle i like him in the chamber of secrets...and the half blood prince too actually...
Hedwig or Crookshanks? Hedwig (i cried when she died too!)
02. Have you ever been to a Harry Potter midnight release? No...I don't think Australia has them
03. What did you think of Deathly Hallows? Sad it ended...need more books!!! Oh, Hated the kid's names!
04. How many times have you reread the books? Good God! it Varies...The first about 12, but the 7th about 3
05. Whose death was the saddest? Dobby's - I cried
06. If you went to Hogwarts, would you rather have a pet owl, cat, or rat? Owl
07. What did you think of the movie Half-Blood Prince? too many...feelings
08. What do you think of Deathly Hallows being split in half? Good, but now i have to wait
09. Have you read The Tales of Beedle the Bard? Yeh, but i was disappointed
10. When did you first become a Harry Potter fan? Grade 3 but i wasn't allowed to read/watch it because it would 'corrupt my mind' I didn't actually read it till Year 5
FavoritesFemale Character? Hermione
Male Character? Sirius
Professor? Lupin
Death Eater? Bellatrix Lestrange
Magical Creature? Merepeople
Spell? Accio...or disapparating..does that count?
Quote? "Harry's scar hadn't bothered him in 17 years...All was good" i also like the scene in Deathly Hallows when Hermione goes off at Ron after he comes back from Shell Cottage
Book? Order of the Phoenix
Movie? 6th
Hogwarts House? Gryfindor
Place? Hogwarts
Weasley? Fred & George...i like them for their sense of humour
Couple? Ron and Hermione...reminds me of my grandarents (don't ask why)
This or That
Gryffindor or Slytherin? Gryfindor
Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff? Ravenclaw
Fred or George? Fred
Ginny or Luna? Luna
Butterbeer or Firewhiskey? Butterbeer
Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley? Hogsmeade
Books or Movies? Books
Half-Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows? Deathly Hallows
Sorcerer’s Stone or Chamber of Secrets? Chamber of Secrets
Snape or Slughorn? Snape....but not till the end
Lupin or Sirius? Sirius
Harry/Ginny or Harry/Hermione? Harry/Hermione
Lavender Brown or Parvati Patil? Lavender
Seamus Finnigan or Dean Thomas? Seamus
Kreacher or Dobby? Dobby
Muggleborn or Pureblood? Muggleborn...always wanted to be one
Daniel Radcliffe or Rupert Grint? Rupert Grint
Bellatrix Lestrange or Narcissa Malfoy? Bellatrix
Voldemort or Tom Riddle? Tom Riddle i like him in the chamber of secrets...and the half blood prince too actually...
Hedwig or Crookshanks? Hedwig (i cried when she died too!)
Grey's Anatomy
Why do I like it so?
I think it is because it is so real.
The characters are far from perfect.
They sleep around, get pregnant, get syflis, sleep with their bosses, turn lesbian, turn straight again, party, have sex and drink tequilla.
They are normal people who make mistakes, and have to deal with real consequences. Like the other night I was watching an episode where a surgeon accidentally left a towel under this woman's lung (inside of her) and it went undiscovered till her next surgery 15 years later. He nearly lost his job.
They deal with real life issues and problems, show grief, suicide, love, hate and jelousy in a very real and intriguing way.
And I love it.
Because I know it could be me some day. If I decide to be a surgeon (which I am strongly being advised not to do) that will be me. Hopefully without the STD, or such a well-used vag, but in essence it will be me. And it's good to know (weird though this may sound) that the people we put out lives in make mistakes too. They may be really intelligent and practically perfect in every way, but they still pop a glove and scratch a heart, or cut the wrong nerve in someone's brain. For me, that is a comfort to know that when I am a doctor, fixing someone, it's ok if I accidently drop the kidney I'm supposed to be transplating on the floor, because the 5-second-rule exists in surgery too.
This was really random...but you know, that's me for you!
I think it is because it is so real.
The characters are far from perfect.
They sleep around, get pregnant, get syflis, sleep with their bosses, turn lesbian, turn straight again, party, have sex and drink tequilla.
They are normal people who make mistakes, and have to deal with real consequences. Like the other night I was watching an episode where a surgeon accidentally left a towel under this woman's lung (inside of her) and it went undiscovered till her next surgery 15 years later. He nearly lost his job.
They deal with real life issues and problems, show grief, suicide, love, hate and jelousy in a very real and intriguing way.
And I love it.
Because I know it could be me some day. If I decide to be a surgeon (which I am strongly being advised not to do) that will be me. Hopefully without the STD, or such a well-used vag, but in essence it will be me. And it's good to know (weird though this may sound) that the people we put out lives in make mistakes too. They may be really intelligent and practically perfect in every way, but they still pop a glove and scratch a heart, or cut the wrong nerve in someone's brain. For me, that is a comfort to know that when I am a doctor, fixing someone, it's ok if I accidently drop the kidney I'm supposed to be transplating on the floor, because the 5-second-rule exists in surgery too.
This was really random...but you know, that's me for you!
Julie & Julia
I just went and saw it.
Twas very good.
It showed the good and the bad, though in a comedic way.
I have decided that I also have a to-do list that relates to the 'Book Blog'
Actually it is more of a 'To-read list'.
ahem
A Breath of Snow and Ashes
The obernewtyn Series (there are 5 books, over 3000 pages between them! XD)
The Lost Symbol
At least 5 Dean Koontz books...perhaps I should start with the ones I own but haven't read...
10-15 of Janet Evenovitch's books - The Stephanie Plum ones
Persuasion, Sense & Sensibility, Emma, Northanger Abbey, (finish) Pride & Predjudice
Nineteen Eighty-four...sounds interesting
April Fools Day by Bryce Courtney
WOW...thats already 24 books...
At least one Italian book.
This I would really like to do...even if it's something I have already read, Like Harry potter or something, but I think I am ready to do it...I hope I can get through a whole book!
Twas very good.
It showed the good and the bad, though in a comedic way.
I have decided that I also have a to-do list that relates to the 'Book Blog'
Actually it is more of a 'To-read list'.
ahem
A Breath of Snow and Ashes
The obernewtyn Series (there are 5 books, over 3000 pages between them! XD)
The Lost Symbol
At least 5 Dean Koontz books...perhaps I should start with the ones I own but haven't read...
10-15 of Janet Evenovitch's books - The Stephanie Plum ones
Persuasion, Sense & Sensibility, Emma, Northanger Abbey, (finish) Pride & Predjudice
Nineteen Eighty-four...sounds interesting
April Fools Day by Bryce Courtney
WOW...thats already 24 books...
At least one Italian book.
This I would really like to do...even if it's something I have already read, Like Harry potter or something, but I think I am ready to do it...I hope I can get through a whole book!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
You make me SMILE
Oh, how you make me smile.
You are the cutest thing ever.
Seeing you today, begging for money, more than a head shorter than a bunch of year 8's, telling them off, then going all sweet and liturgical and telling them about the nuns.
Then i read your blog. Which part made me laugh? The part about peanut. And the word 'plannie'. It is SOOOO YOU!
And I love you
Just thought I'd let you know
You are the cutest thing ever.
Seeing you today, begging for money, more than a head shorter than a bunch of year 8's, telling them off, then going all sweet and liturgical and telling them about the nuns.
Then i read your blog. Which part made me laugh? The part about peanut. And the word 'plannie'. It is SOOOO YOU!
And I love you
Just thought I'd let you know
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
I do care
I do care about you.
I know you were upset today, but I didn't swarm to comfort you, because I could see that the important people were already there.
I don't know you as well as I would like to, and I knew that they know you better, so therefore they have more of a right to be there with you.
But I want you to know
I do care.
I also know that when I am upset, I would rather assume that very few people saw me with puffy eyes, red nose etc...so i thought I'd let you think that! XD
Love you always,
Hoping you are ok,
Waiting to grant your wishes,
Your Fairy Godmother.
I know you were upset today, but I didn't swarm to comfort you, because I could see that the important people were already there.
I don't know you as well as I would like to, and I knew that they know you better, so therefore they have more of a right to be there with you.
But I want you to know
I do care.
I also know that when I am upset, I would rather assume that very few people saw me with puffy eyes, red nose etc...so i thought I'd let you think that! XD
Love you always,
Hoping you are ok,
Waiting to grant your wishes,
Your Fairy Godmother.
Book 1 - Animal Farm
Depressing to start with this, but I have read it.
Book Number: 1
Book Title: Animal Farm
Page Number: 94
Page Sub-total: 94
This is a story that mimics and mocks the Russian Revolution. A classic. Relitavely boring, I prefer a little more action. An Old pig has a dream that there will be a major rebellion of animals against humans. Not long after he dies, the dream comes true. Animals make 7 commandments, 7 rules by which they will live their new lives on this farm under this new concept called Animalism. Grumpy, selfish pig kicks out the 'good-guy' and slowly starts to change things, but if the other animals question things, he tells them it was like this all along. Basically throughout the novel, a chapter is set aside to show how the farm moves from having these 7 commandments that are totally against humans to adjusting the rules so that they end up being pretty much the same as humans. The book could include some of the more intelectual 'gets you thinking' stuff, but it is described as an allegory; a fable with animal characters, and it is exactly that; you could read it to your children as a bed-time story. I personally would find it more interesting if it was kept the same story line, but expanded a little.
Overall, as a novel I would give it a 6.5 out of 10. Good book in it's category, but after reading the blurb, I probably wouldn't pick it up again.
Sorry if this is your favourite book, but I expected it to be brilliant, like 'To Kill A Mockingbird', but it was very much so an anti-climax.
Book Number: 1
Book Title: Animal Farm
Page Number: 94
Page Sub-total: 94
This is a story that mimics and mocks the Russian Revolution. A classic. Relitavely boring, I prefer a little more action. An Old pig has a dream that there will be a major rebellion of animals against humans. Not long after he dies, the dream comes true. Animals make 7 commandments, 7 rules by which they will live their new lives on this farm under this new concept called Animalism. Grumpy, selfish pig kicks out the 'good-guy' and slowly starts to change things, but if the other animals question things, he tells them it was like this all along. Basically throughout the novel, a chapter is set aside to show how the farm moves from having these 7 commandments that are totally against humans to adjusting the rules so that they end up being pretty much the same as humans. The book could include some of the more intelectual 'gets you thinking' stuff, but it is described as an allegory; a fable with animal characters, and it is exactly that; you could read it to your children as a bed-time story. I personally would find it more interesting if it was kept the same story line, but expanded a little.
Overall, as a novel I would give it a 6.5 out of 10. Good book in it's category, but after reading the blurb, I probably wouldn't pick it up again.
Sorry if this is your favourite book, but I expected it to be brilliant, like 'To Kill A Mockingbird', but it was very much so an anti-climax.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Next Year's direction...
Julie & Julia
Well, just putting it out there, I haven't seen the movie. I saw the shorts, talked to Molly, and I am inspired.
I have decided I need a purpose. With everything in life, it is so easy to get over whelmed and feel as if you have no direction. So, for when I feel that way, I will know that there is something I must persevere on with...Sorry, it may get a little boring for y'all out there.
I am going to make this partially a 'Book Blog'. I plan to read 20,000 pages of novels by the graduation next year. That is approximately the 21st November I think, and the pages are roughly 40 decent sized books. I know it doesn't seem like much, but if you calculate how many pages a day that is...WOW...It's about 50. So I guess I shall have a lot of reading ahead of me!
I will ensure that I include on here the number book I am up to and the pages I have thus accumulated. I will also include a brief summary of the book and my favourite quotes.
I hope I can achieve it!
Well, just putting it out there, I haven't seen the movie. I saw the shorts, talked to Molly, and I am inspired.
I have decided I need a purpose. With everything in life, it is so easy to get over whelmed and feel as if you have no direction. So, for when I feel that way, I will know that there is something I must persevere on with...Sorry, it may get a little boring for y'all out there.
I am going to make this partially a 'Book Blog'. I plan to read 20,000 pages of novels by the graduation next year. That is approximately the 21st November I think, and the pages are roughly 40 decent sized books. I know it doesn't seem like much, but if you calculate how many pages a day that is...WOW...It's about 50. So I guess I shall have a lot of reading ahead of me!
I will ensure that I include on here the number book I am up to and the pages I have thus accumulated. I will also include a brief summary of the book and my favourite quotes.
I hope I can achieve it!
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Dearest Me,
How have you been? We haven't spoken in a while.
For a while some crazy psycho person has taken over your body.
I hope you don't mind...It's me.
I was wondering what happened to you.
Why you aren't there very much anymore.
I know I am always on the outside, but surely you could make some more effort to kick me out?
Do you even want to?
Do I even want you to?
No.
The old you has gone. The one who rarely had fun, and knew when to put her head down and work.
The one who knew what was important (or thought she knew)
The one who was dedicated to her school work, no matter the cost?
what ever happened to her?
I think i know the answer...
She grew up.
She realised that, in fact school didn't matter in the slightest, it was the people there that mattered
she realised that there were far more important things than who got what in the maths test
she realised that her friends were hurting, possibly because of her, but she had neglected to notice
she realised that she had come an obnoxious, greedy, school-driven person, like someone else she knew, one person she vowed she would never become.
She realised that she needed to change.
So she let me move in.
The one who listens to her friend's unspoken words
The one who will help anyone, no matter the disadvantage it is doing herself
The one who knows what is good for others, because she actually took the care of noticing
So why does the knew you want to Lead people?
What was the reason that she couldn't put on the form?
She wanted to show that though before she has been power-hungary and neglectful, she is different now
She wanted to show that she cares enough about everyone to want to make a difference
She wanted to show that not now, nor ever will she sit back and let things happen that she doesn't think are right
She wanted to show that she would make a great captain
For a while some crazy psycho person has taken over your body.
I hope you don't mind...It's me.
I was wondering what happened to you.
Why you aren't there very much anymore.
I know I am always on the outside, but surely you could make some more effort to kick me out?
Do you even want to?
Do I even want you to?
No.
The old you has gone. The one who rarely had fun, and knew when to put her head down and work.
The one who knew what was important (or thought she knew)
The one who was dedicated to her school work, no matter the cost?
what ever happened to her?
I think i know the answer...
She grew up.
She realised that, in fact school didn't matter in the slightest, it was the people there that mattered
she realised that there were far more important things than who got what in the maths test
she realised that her friends were hurting, possibly because of her, but she had neglected to notice
she realised that she had come an obnoxious, greedy, school-driven person, like someone else she knew, one person she vowed she would never become.
She realised that she needed to change.
So she let me move in.
The one who listens to her friend's unspoken words
The one who will help anyone, no matter the disadvantage it is doing herself
The one who knows what is good for others, because she actually took the care of noticing
So why does the knew you want to Lead people?
What was the reason that she couldn't put on the form?
She wanted to show that though before she has been power-hungary and neglectful, she is different now
She wanted to show that she cares enough about everyone to want to make a difference
She wanted to show that not now, nor ever will she sit back and let things happen that she doesn't think are right
She wanted to show that she would make a great captain
Monday, October 5, 2009
Not sure I want this on the internet, but eh
I wrote this a while ago, when I was in a 'I'm going to write a book' mood.
I am content with the prologue, but am yet to perfect chapter one,
but watch this space, I may continue it one day...maybe.
Feedback welcomed!
PROLOGUE
‘I mustn’t do this,’ thought Raquella. But looking at Joab, she decided that she didn’t care much what she must or mustn’t do. As she glanced at him through the crack of the bathroom door that adjoined her room, she decided to go out. She had never loved a man so much, she had school-girl crushes before, but never before had she wanted to share her entity with a man. It occurred to her, standing there that these were her last moments a virgin, and she smiled at this. With shaking hands she removed her bathrobe and took one cautious step towards her beloved. When he saw her standing there in all her beauty, shyly staring at her feet, he let out a gasp of satisfaction and surprise; he hadn’t expected her to come out. As she lay on the bed beside him, he moved to hover above her, placed one hand carefully behind her head, and the other in the small of her back. He leaned in to kiss her, but paused, awaiting approval, consent. ‘This is why I love him,’ Raquella thought, and nodded ever so slightly. He pulled her close to him and kissed her tenderly on the lips. Her heart leaped out of her chest and began to thump so strong against her ribs she was surprised Joab didn’t hear. She sighed with contentment, clutched him to her and began to kiss him back.
NB: This is not based on a true story...well not mine anyway, someone else in this vast world of ours may have encountered similar circumstances, but i didn't write about them.
I am content with the prologue, but am yet to perfect chapter one,
but watch this space, I may continue it one day...maybe.
Feedback welcomed!
PROLOGUE
‘I mustn’t do this,’ thought Raquella. But looking at Joab, she decided that she didn’t care much what she must or mustn’t do. As she glanced at him through the crack of the bathroom door that adjoined her room, she decided to go out. She had never loved a man so much, she had school-girl crushes before, but never before had she wanted to share her entity with a man. It occurred to her, standing there that these were her last moments a virgin, and she smiled at this. With shaking hands she removed her bathrobe and took one cautious step towards her beloved. When he saw her standing there in all her beauty, shyly staring at her feet, he let out a gasp of satisfaction and surprise; he hadn’t expected her to come out. As she lay on the bed beside him, he moved to hover above her, placed one hand carefully behind her head, and the other in the small of her back. He leaned in to kiss her, but paused, awaiting approval, consent. ‘This is why I love him,’ Raquella thought, and nodded ever so slightly. He pulled her close to him and kissed her tenderly on the lips. Her heart leaped out of her chest and began to thump so strong against her ribs she was surprised Joab didn’t hear. She sighed with contentment, clutched him to her and began to kiss him back.
NB: This is not based on a true story...well not mine anyway, someone else in this vast world of ours may have encountered similar circumstances, but i didn't write about them.
I was edgy,
But then you walked in.
And I was ok.
I missed you, I really did.
More than just 'oh haven't seen you in a while so i suppose i missed you'
but actual 'I thought about you and really wished you were there for me to hug' kind of missed you.
I missed your smile, your laugh, your smell.
I missed the comfort of knowing that you are always there
I missed the way that no matter the differences of our lives and the differences between us, you make it seem like it doesn't matter.
I need you there.
I needed you to tell me that it didn't matter
That it was only once, and that it was good anyway
I needed you to tell me that you are completely flabergasted at yours, because you didn't expect it, and don't know how you did it
I needed you to go through stuff and tell me all the good things i did, rather than let me focus on the bad.
I needed you there.
But you couldn't be there
I know it's not your fault
But I still wish you were there.
I don't think I would be taking it so hard if you were there.
I remember what I wanted to say to you,
I love you, and I missed you.
And I was ok.
I missed you, I really did.
More than just 'oh haven't seen you in a while so i suppose i missed you'
but actual 'I thought about you and really wished you were there for me to hug' kind of missed you.
I missed your smile, your laugh, your smell.
I missed the comfort of knowing that you are always there
I missed the way that no matter the differences of our lives and the differences between us, you make it seem like it doesn't matter.
I need you there.
I needed you to tell me that it didn't matter
That it was only once, and that it was good anyway
I needed you to tell me that you are completely flabergasted at yours, because you didn't expect it, and don't know how you did it
I needed you to go through stuff and tell me all the good things i did, rather than let me focus on the bad.
I needed you there.
But you couldn't be there
I know it's not your fault
But I still wish you were there.
I don't think I would be taking it so hard if you were there.
I remember what I wanted to say to you,
I love you, and I missed you.
t'would appear my aspirations are too large for my abilities.
I feel bad about writting this, but i need to say it so don't anyone take offence cuz it is relating totally to me and me only.
I got Maths assignment and exam marks back today.
The assignment I aced, as one does in maths assignments.
But the exam.
Oh, the exam.
I remember walking out of that exam thinking 'Wow, i actually think i did alright in that', and then upon hearing that the two most intelligent girls in the grade didn't even start most of the test, I really, honestly thought I would have a chance at getting somewhere this semester. I thought that maybe I would be able to come close to, if not Dux.
Stupid Dream, I know.
Because I got the exam back and I looked at the first mark I saw on the page.
32 out of 41.
That was for Knowledge and Procedures.
I nearly slit my wrists.
Then I proceeded to look at my Modelling and Problem Solving Marks.
I didn't even get the easy one out.
I got a 3, 1,4,3.
Once again, I nearly slit my wrists.
Now I know that these marks are quite acceptable.
I know they may even be good.
But for me, in maths, with this level of work,
it should have been at least 36 out of 41, and at least two of the MAPS out.
I know that I am an A student in Maths.
I know that I have the potential to be an A+ student.
But in one exam, I drop my marks to a measly B+.
For most, this is overjoying.
For me?
It is beyond dismal.
For me, that is a fail.
For me, in maths, to get those marks....I just...I don't know what to do.
I can't get good marks lately.
I just can't get them.
I work my fingers TO THE BONE
and still, I can't get the marks.
My only conclusion is that I am not good enough.
That these marks just aren't an achievable mark for me.
Everyone has one study area, one subject that they excell in.
For me, it's maths, and to have such a terrible mark for me is like an Olympic Standard Swimmer told that actually, they can't swim faster than a 2 year-old.
My entire future education relies on the fact that I am good at, and moreover, Talented at some maths/science subject. My security was always that if I couldn't do too well in physics or chemistry, I would always be good at Maths.
But now I'm not too sure.
I got Maths assignment and exam marks back today.
The assignment I aced, as one does in maths assignments.
But the exam.
Oh, the exam.
I remember walking out of that exam thinking 'Wow, i actually think i did alright in that', and then upon hearing that the two most intelligent girls in the grade didn't even start most of the test, I really, honestly thought I would have a chance at getting somewhere this semester. I thought that maybe I would be able to come close to, if not Dux.
Stupid Dream, I know.
Because I got the exam back and I looked at the first mark I saw on the page.
32 out of 41.
That was for Knowledge and Procedures.
I nearly slit my wrists.
Then I proceeded to look at my Modelling and Problem Solving Marks.
I didn't even get the easy one out.
I got a 3, 1,4,3.
Once again, I nearly slit my wrists.
Now I know that these marks are quite acceptable.
I know they may even be good.
But for me, in maths, with this level of work,
it should have been at least 36 out of 41, and at least two of the MAPS out.
I know that I am an A student in Maths.
I know that I have the potential to be an A+ student.
But in one exam, I drop my marks to a measly B+.
For most, this is overjoying.
For me?
It is beyond dismal.
For me, that is a fail.
For me, in maths, to get those marks....I just...I don't know what to do.
I can't get good marks lately.
I just can't get them.
I work my fingers TO THE BONE
and still, I can't get the marks.
My only conclusion is that I am not good enough.
That these marks just aren't an achievable mark for me.
Everyone has one study area, one subject that they excell in.
For me, it's maths, and to have such a terrible mark for me is like an Olympic Standard Swimmer told that actually, they can't swim faster than a 2 year-old.
My entire future education relies on the fact that I am good at, and moreover, Talented at some maths/science subject. My security was always that if I couldn't do too well in physics or chemistry, I would always be good at Maths.
But now I'm not too sure.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Narnia...
I think you're right...no, i know you're right.
Sometimes we need a place we can go, where you can re-create who you are, be a different person, and be accepted for that, and when you come back, everything is still the same.
Like Narnia.
Everyone needs their narnia. a place where they can go, and everything is so different it seems like a magical land with fauns wearing scarfs, and turkish delight that is made from a drop of special potion.
A place where you can go and totally be someone new, try them out, like test driving a car, then when you come home, you can decide if you want to bring the 'new you' with you.
I have that, and i think we all need that.
Where i go, I am like a god to people.
My little cousins, and i'm not trying to sound stuck up, but they WORSHIP me.
and i think sometimes its alright.
For me to feel that there is someone out there who thinks nothing is more important than your favourite person giving you a bath. or sitting next to your favourite person at dinner.
They are y Narnia, because i know that when i come back, there is a very VERY minute amount of people who think i am their absolute world. aka no one.
They are like magical creatures because that is something so new, so un heard of in my world, that i can't help but marvel at them.
So i think we all need our narnia, and go there often.
To escape from the world, to realise that though your life can be harsh and may suck sometimes, there is something magical out there, a magical land that you can return to that will always be there and always amaze you...
I shudder to think what will happen when they grow up and realise that i am not as awesome as they all seem to think....
Sometimes we need a place we can go, where you can re-create who you are, be a different person, and be accepted for that, and when you come back, everything is still the same.
Like Narnia.
Everyone needs their narnia. a place where they can go, and everything is so different it seems like a magical land with fauns wearing scarfs, and turkish delight that is made from a drop of special potion.
A place where you can go and totally be someone new, try them out, like test driving a car, then when you come home, you can decide if you want to bring the 'new you' with you.
I have that, and i think we all need that.
Where i go, I am like a god to people.
My little cousins, and i'm not trying to sound stuck up, but they WORSHIP me.
and i think sometimes its alright.
For me to feel that there is someone out there who thinks nothing is more important than your favourite person giving you a bath. or sitting next to your favourite person at dinner.
They are y Narnia, because i know that when i come back, there is a very VERY minute amount of people who think i am their absolute world. aka no one.
They are like magical creatures because that is something so new, so un heard of in my world, that i can't help but marvel at them.
So i think we all need our narnia, and go there often.
To escape from the world, to realise that though your life can be harsh and may suck sometimes, there is something magical out there, a magical land that you can return to that will always be there and always amaze you...
I shudder to think what will happen when they grow up and realise that i am not as awesome as they all seem to think....
Friday, September 25, 2009
You're very cute you know
I do forgive you
I do trust you.
But i can't see why you would want to be like me.
You're not my best friend by defult, you are one of my best friends.
always and forever.
And that post? after friday night?
When i wrote it, i was half thinking of you.
only i actually had you in my arms when i was thinking about writting it.
I was stroking your hair and trying to make it go away.
because you don't deserve any of the horrible things that have happened to you.
So i try to make it better.
I love you
I do trust you.
But i can't see why you would want to be like me.
You're not my best friend by defult, you are one of my best friends.
always and forever.
And that post? after friday night?
When i wrote it, i was half thinking of you.
only i actually had you in my arms when i was thinking about writting it.
I was stroking your hair and trying to make it go away.
because you don't deserve any of the horrible things that have happened to you.
So i try to make it better.
I love you
I missed you...
I have spent the last week checking both your blogs...
Then realising that you weren't home to write in them...
But the next day doing the same thing and checking them again, like i had to assure myself that you were still away.
I missed you both...
You are two of the most important people in my life,
Don't leave me again.
Then realising that you weren't home to write in them...
But the next day doing the same thing and checking them again, like i had to assure myself that you were still away.
I missed you both...
You are two of the most important people in my life,
Don't leave me again.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
In spite of my better instincts, im going to confort you...
Well, I'll try.
You're in pain...it's kinda obvious. But I'm sorry, you can't keep doing this.
She's in pain too, and you are just going to add to it.
You need to make it go away, or just deal with it. And i know that is easier said than done.
You can't keep expecting her to run to you at every moment that you need her, because sometimes there are people who matter more to her than you do at that point in time.
Tu amo lui, Io guarda.
Ma e` non bene per suo.
Si deve ferme...
Prime e` troppo tardi.
oh what am i doing here...
I don't know how to comfort you...I'm still not sure why i want to.
But please, please
try not to hurt her
at the moment.
she is hurt enough
You're in pain...it's kinda obvious. But I'm sorry, you can't keep doing this.
She's in pain too, and you are just going to add to it.
You need to make it go away, or just deal with it. And i know that is easier said than done.
You can't keep expecting her to run to you at every moment that you need her, because sometimes there are people who matter more to her than you do at that point in time.
Tu amo lui, Io guarda.
Ma e` non bene per suo.
Si deve ferme...
Prime e` troppo tardi.
oh what am i doing here...
I don't know how to comfort you...I'm still not sure why i want to.
But please, please
try not to hurt her
at the moment.
she is hurt enough
Saturday, September 19, 2009
I never knew how well i know you...
I was just thinking the other day, how much i know you.
there isn't a lot i know of the inside of you, because you are very reluctant to let people in, but i know you.
I know your cough
I know your scent
I know who your first kiss was with
I know you had a dog until year 7
I know numerous things about your family, their jobs/ages/birthdays
I know all of your grades
I know your profile - if i see you from a distance i know its you
I know your voice, i can pick it from a choir of 50
I know where you live
I know you used to share a room with your sister
I know your writting
I know how you like to set out your pages at school
I know your bra size, incorrect though it may be
I know when you are upset, despite what you tell me
I know what you are thinking most of the time, and when i guess, i am nearly always right
I know when you're depressed... like now for instance
I KNOW YOU
thats why im concerned. i think i know what you have been thinking about these last few weeks. i know you, and i am afraid for you, if what i am thinking is right. i know what you feel, i know why you feel it. I just wish i could help you...i try all i can, but you won't let me in.
please let me in.
i need to fix you
If i can't, i don't know what I'll do
there isn't a lot i know of the inside of you, because you are very reluctant to let people in, but i know you.
I know your cough
I know your scent
I know who your first kiss was with
I know you had a dog until year 7
I know numerous things about your family, their jobs/ages/birthdays
I know all of your grades
I know your profile - if i see you from a distance i know its you
I know your voice, i can pick it from a choir of 50
I know where you live
I know you used to share a room with your sister
I know your writting
I know how you like to set out your pages at school
I know your bra size, incorrect though it may be
I know when you are upset, despite what you tell me
I know what you are thinking most of the time, and when i guess, i am nearly always right
I know when you're depressed... like now for instance
I KNOW YOU
thats why im concerned. i think i know what you have been thinking about these last few weeks. i know you, and i am afraid for you, if what i am thinking is right. i know what you feel, i know why you feel it. I just wish i could help you...i try all i can, but you won't let me in.
please let me in.
i need to fix you
If i can't, i don't know what I'll do
I don't know what to do...
i could hardly bear to look at you last night
i couldn't let myslef see you that way.
i could clearly see the pain etched in your face, and the pain slowly etched itself in my face too.
i could see the hurt in your eyes; the never ending stab wounds in the stomache, and my eyes too, reflected your hurt.
i could hardly bear to look at you tonight.
So I'm Sorry.
I'm sorry i let i get this bad.
Im sorry i focussed so much on myself when i should have been focussing on you.
I'm sorry i wasn't being the person i was supposed to be; the one you can turn to in all situations, no matter what.
I'M SORRY I CAN'T FIX YOU
i love you with all my heart, but sometimes, and i know this better than anyone, it isn't enough.
if i could take this away; your pain, your suffering,
i would in a heartbeat
if i could take it from you, and carry your burdens for you,
i would in a heartbeat
IF I KNEW HOW TO FIX YOU, I WOULD IN A HEART BEAT
but the fact of the matter is, i can't take it from you. i can't carry it for you and up until this point, i am yet to figure you how to fix you.
So i'm Sorry.
I'm sorry my love for you doesn't take your pain away, or pout you back together again.
Maybe i don't love you enough
Maybe too much
but right now, i can't fix you
So i'm sorry
As i held you in my arms tonight i couldn't tear my eyes away from your chest. i wouldn't let myself look away from the rise and fall of you ribs with each breath.
watching you breathe, slowly in and out and gently stroking you it occurred to me that my love for you is the same love a mother has for her child.
As i watched you exhale, i begged for you to have the strength, the willpower for just one more breath, just one other, only one more. As once you did, i prayed again, for the same thing. I sat there seriously contemplating pulling you into my lap, stroking your hair and rocking you back and forth, just like you mother would have when you were a child. You needed me and i needed to know that i was strong enough, good enough to help you.
So i sat there, stroking you so gently i don't think you even noticed, watching you breathe, ready at any moment to breathe for you, if you could no longer do it yourself.
I don't know how much longer i can watch you go on like this. but what ever happens, know that always, i will be there. to watch you breathe, to make sure each breath makes it in and out safely, all the while waiting to step in and do it for you if you can't.
You should know, that if ever you feel it is too much effort, it takes too much strength to breathe, i will be there to breathe for you. Always.
Just don't ever stop. My life would have no point, without you. when i needed you, you breathed for me. Now I'm ready to do the same thing.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, IT'S UNHEALTHY.
i couldn't let myslef see you that way.
i could clearly see the pain etched in your face, and the pain slowly etched itself in my face too.
i could see the hurt in your eyes; the never ending stab wounds in the stomache, and my eyes too, reflected your hurt.
i could hardly bear to look at you tonight.
So I'm Sorry.
I'm sorry i let i get this bad.
Im sorry i focussed so much on myself when i should have been focussing on you.
I'm sorry i wasn't being the person i was supposed to be; the one you can turn to in all situations, no matter what.
I'M SORRY I CAN'T FIX YOU
i love you with all my heart, but sometimes, and i know this better than anyone, it isn't enough.
if i could take this away; your pain, your suffering,
i would in a heartbeat
if i could take it from you, and carry your burdens for you,
i would in a heartbeat
IF I KNEW HOW TO FIX YOU, I WOULD IN A HEART BEAT
but the fact of the matter is, i can't take it from you. i can't carry it for you and up until this point, i am yet to figure you how to fix you.
So i'm Sorry.
I'm sorry my love for you doesn't take your pain away, or pout you back together again.
Maybe i don't love you enough
Maybe too much
but right now, i can't fix you
So i'm sorry
As i held you in my arms tonight i couldn't tear my eyes away from your chest. i wouldn't let myself look away from the rise and fall of you ribs with each breath.
watching you breathe, slowly in and out and gently stroking you it occurred to me that my love for you is the same love a mother has for her child.
As i watched you exhale, i begged for you to have the strength, the willpower for just one more breath, just one other, only one more. As once you did, i prayed again, for the same thing. I sat there seriously contemplating pulling you into my lap, stroking your hair and rocking you back and forth, just like you mother would have when you were a child. You needed me and i needed to know that i was strong enough, good enough to help you.
So i sat there, stroking you so gently i don't think you even noticed, watching you breathe, ready at any moment to breathe for you, if you could no longer do it yourself.
I don't know how much longer i can watch you go on like this. but what ever happens, know that always, i will be there. to watch you breathe, to make sure each breath makes it in and out safely, all the while waiting to step in and do it for you if you can't.
You should know, that if ever you feel it is too much effort, it takes too much strength to breathe, i will be there to breathe for you. Always.
Just don't ever stop. My life would have no point, without you. when i needed you, you breathed for me. Now I'm ready to do the same thing.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, IT'S UNHEALTHY.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
I'm sorry
i just realised it has been about a year since our fight.
i am truly sorry about that.
i don't know what it is with this time of year, but the girls seem to go psycho
so, because i haven't yet, i want to formally apologise.
i know i hurt you,
and i know it was bad
i was hurting too
but i realised just yesterday how far our friendship has come in the last year.
there was a time where it was sort of off again, on again, but now i feel it is definately on.
i don't know why, but now, i seem to value your friendship more than before i lost it.
so thankyou, for coming back and welcoming me back into your life
i probably don't deserve it,
so thankyou anyway
i will always have a special place for you in my heart.
my little blondie
i am truly sorry about that.
i don't know what it is with this time of year, but the girls seem to go psycho
so, because i haven't yet, i want to formally apologise.
i know i hurt you,
and i know it was bad
i was hurting too
but i realised just yesterday how far our friendship has come in the last year.
there was a time where it was sort of off again, on again, but now i feel it is definately on.
i don't know why, but now, i seem to value your friendship more than before i lost it.
so thankyou, for coming back and welcoming me back into your life
i probably don't deserve it,
so thankyou anyway
i will always have a special place for you in my heart.
my little blondie
This has got to stop
the yelling
the fighting
the behaviour of us all
it is not acceptable for us to go like this.
no one should go around calling people childish
no one should go around saying they hate each other
i don't agree with what was said by either parties, but im not going to take sides.
im going to protect my friends in all directions, and try not to get involved.
but this has got to stop.
it cannot go on anymore.
we have more important things to think about,
it ends here.
the situation that has taken place in the last few days finished now.
no more talking about it
no more telling people about it.
things were said, they were taken back
end of story
i don't want to hear about it again, because i cannot handle any more crisis in our group.
so for the sake of ourselves, our friends and the group on a whole
THIS ENDS HERE
the fighting
the behaviour of us all
it is not acceptable for us to go like this.
no one should go around calling people childish
no one should go around saying they hate each other
i don't agree with what was said by either parties, but im not going to take sides.
im going to protect my friends in all directions, and try not to get involved.
but this has got to stop.
it cannot go on anymore.
we have more important things to think about,
it ends here.
the situation that has taken place in the last few days finished now.
no more talking about it
no more telling people about it.
things were said, they were taken back
end of story
i don't want to hear about it again, because i cannot handle any more crisis in our group.
so for the sake of ourselves, our friends and the group on a whole
THIS ENDS HERE
Monday, September 7, 2009
i think i owe you all an apology
sorry. i ranted. i was selfish. i shouldn't have posted that.
but do you ever get that way sometimes? so caught up...not really caught up, but so ...i don't know. but achievement for me is like maya in hinduism. it is like a veil that i must try to remove. not remove achievement as such, but my need to succeed. i suppose that is a good thing sometimes, but its not good when you go all crazy like i did.
i know i can be selfish, but i spent so much of the early part of my life constantly trying to please people, to the point where if i wasn't the best, i felt as if i was a failure to my family, that it is so hard to break the habit now. thats why i cant leave things to the last minute, i can't just conceed with a B, because i know i can do better, so i force myself to do that. its not too healthy but i am trying to get myself out of that.
but yes, selfishly i am the sort of person who wants to be great at something. i have spent my life being so average at everything, and watching everyone else show off what they are great at. i will never be naturally great at something, but i will work until i make myself great at something. i havent decided what that something is, but when i decide, there will be no stopping me.
oh and antelope? im sorry, but i do get very competitive with you. i will beat you at something significant, more than talking or boob size...just you watch me! i would love it to be maths...but i can't see that happening...i will try though!
but do you ever get that way sometimes? so caught up...not really caught up, but so ...i don't know. but achievement for me is like maya in hinduism. it is like a veil that i must try to remove. not remove achievement as such, but my need to succeed. i suppose that is a good thing sometimes, but its not good when you go all crazy like i did.
i know i can be selfish, but i spent so much of the early part of my life constantly trying to please people, to the point where if i wasn't the best, i felt as if i was a failure to my family, that it is so hard to break the habit now. thats why i cant leave things to the last minute, i can't just conceed with a B, because i know i can do better, so i force myself to do that. its not too healthy but i am trying to get myself out of that.
but yes, selfishly i am the sort of person who wants to be great at something. i have spent my life being so average at everything, and watching everyone else show off what they are great at. i will never be naturally great at something, but i will work until i make myself great at something. i havent decided what that something is, but when i decide, there will be no stopping me.
oh and antelope? im sorry, but i do get very competitive with you. i will beat you at something significant, more than talking or boob size...just you watch me! i would love it to be maths...but i can't see that happening...i will try though!
now i see why y'all do it
i went for a run.
it was tiny by the standards of any of you who read my blog, im sure, but i felt good.
i was walking home from the bus today and i though 'hey, im going to go for a walk'
so i did.
i don't walk very fast
i don't walk very far
but the point is, i made myself do it, and now i feel great.
t'was a major epiphany moment for me...damn i couldn't have taken chem with me and wrote it! i would have figured it all out.
no, i found that if i tell myself i have to do something, if i tell myself i want it bad enough, i know i will have the will power to follow through.
i have some goals. i will achieve them. i will become what i want to be, even if i have to take the long way around.
goals for the end of 2010
i will beat ashlee in physics
i will get an A+ in maths
i will get in the 'a' range for italian
i will move up three spaces in each chem, english and sor
i will become more out-going
i will beat kristy in english (sorry, but look out. i will get there)
i will train in the cross country and athletics
i will get below 60 kilos
things i would really like to do and will try like hell to achieve
i would like to dux a subject
i would like to be level with kristy in physics and maths
i would like to get on the athletics/cross country team
i would like to be able to sing well on my own
i would like to be school capitan
why do i want these things?
selfish though it may be, i want to be remembered.
i want there to be a girl in 15 years come to the school with my last name and be asked if they are related to be, becuase in 15 years, the teachers still remember my intelligence, or some aspect of me. i want to be the person who is renound for conducting a procedure in medicine, i want to have people ask me things, i want to be the top or the best at something
I WANT TO MAKE MY MARK ON THIS WORLD
because i believe that there is more to life then what we live on earth. after that i'm not sure, but i want to ensure that whenever and where ever i go, i will be remembered. i don't want to be the person in the dusty photograph who is truly dead because no one alive knows my name.
is that too much to ask?
to be remembered, to be recognised for something other than just being?
of all the things that i can do, is it fair for me to not be remembered for a single one of them?
is it fair that out of all the things i can do, there are about three that i can do better than one person?
no, i suppose it's not fair. but that's life
it was tiny by the standards of any of you who read my blog, im sure, but i felt good.
i was walking home from the bus today and i though 'hey, im going to go for a walk'
so i did.
i don't walk very fast
i don't walk very far
but the point is, i made myself do it, and now i feel great.
t'was a major epiphany moment for me...damn i couldn't have taken chem with me and wrote it! i would have figured it all out.
no, i found that if i tell myself i have to do something, if i tell myself i want it bad enough, i know i will have the will power to follow through.
i have some goals. i will achieve them. i will become what i want to be, even if i have to take the long way around.
goals for the end of 2010
i will beat ashlee in physics
i will get an A+ in maths
i will get in the 'a' range for italian
i will move up three spaces in each chem, english and sor
i will become more out-going
i will beat kristy in english (sorry, but look out. i will get there)
i will train in the cross country and athletics
i will get below 60 kilos
things i would really like to do and will try like hell to achieve
i would like to dux a subject
i would like to be level with kristy in physics and maths
i would like to get on the athletics/cross country team
i would like to be able to sing well on my own
i would like to be school capitan
why do i want these things?
selfish though it may be, i want to be remembered.
i want there to be a girl in 15 years come to the school with my last name and be asked if they are related to be, becuase in 15 years, the teachers still remember my intelligence, or some aspect of me. i want to be the person who is renound for conducting a procedure in medicine, i want to have people ask me things, i want to be the top or the best at something
I WANT TO MAKE MY MARK ON THIS WORLD
because i believe that there is more to life then what we live on earth. after that i'm not sure, but i want to ensure that whenever and where ever i go, i will be remembered. i don't want to be the person in the dusty photograph who is truly dead because no one alive knows my name.
is that too much to ask?
to be remembered, to be recognised for something other than just being?
of all the things that i can do, is it fair for me to not be remembered for a single one of them?
is it fair that out of all the things i can do, there are about three that i can do better than one person?
no, i suppose it's not fair. but that's life
sometimes i think...
what's the point?
is there a reason we do this.
is there an absolute necesesity that we push ourselves like this.
is it absolutely vital that i put myself under this amount of pressure, seemingly for nothing?
no its not.
but i willingly do it anyway.
there are so many times where i am this close to giving up, but somehow, i don't.
i always seem to find a way through it a way to endure.
i find mostly, when i am close to giving up, when i can no longer sleep at night for worry, when i am wound so tight that i start snapping at people for no reason, when i seriously consider leaving school, just so it can all end; i see something that inspires me.
sometimes it is something that someone says to me, but rarely (soz but words don't do much for me when i want to give up). no, what gets me is seeing a baby. or watching some medical show and seeing the before an after, seeing the woman who was blind see again, see a man get a lung transplant and play with his kids again, see a child get the beads pulled out of their nose for god's sake! but what ever it is that i see, it inspires me. i am propelled to do more. i aspire to be more. because i know that someday, that will be me.
now im not saying that im going to be a transplant surgeon or whatever, but to know that i will be one of them, that all this work, pointless though it may seem, will actully go somewhere, and become something. i will be helping people.
and when you feel as if it is all too much, and feel like giving up, when you realise that maybe you can't change the world, find something to inspire you. find something that you look at or hear and think 'hey yeh. this is worth it. one day i will be something, be someone great.'
i don't expect to change the world, but i sure as hell expect to change many people's worlds.
is there a reason we do this.
is there an absolute necesesity that we push ourselves like this.
is it absolutely vital that i put myself under this amount of pressure, seemingly for nothing?
no its not.
but i willingly do it anyway.
there are so many times where i am this close to giving up, but somehow, i don't.
i always seem to find a way through it a way to endure.
i find mostly, when i am close to giving up, when i can no longer sleep at night for worry, when i am wound so tight that i start snapping at people for no reason, when i seriously consider leaving school, just so it can all end; i see something that inspires me.
sometimes it is something that someone says to me, but rarely (soz but words don't do much for me when i want to give up). no, what gets me is seeing a baby. or watching some medical show and seeing the before an after, seeing the woman who was blind see again, see a man get a lung transplant and play with his kids again, see a child get the beads pulled out of their nose for god's sake! but what ever it is that i see, it inspires me. i am propelled to do more. i aspire to be more. because i know that someday, that will be me.
now im not saying that im going to be a transplant surgeon or whatever, but to know that i will be one of them, that all this work, pointless though it may seem, will actully go somewhere, and become something. i will be helping people.
and when you feel as if it is all too much, and feel like giving up, when you realise that maybe you can't change the world, find something to inspire you. find something that you look at or hear and think 'hey yeh. this is worth it. one day i will be something, be someone great.'
i don't expect to change the world, but i sure as hell expect to change many people's worlds.
Friday, September 4, 2009
you don't get it
you are anything BUT a blank canvas.
there is so much beauty, so much substance in everything you do that i don't know how you think that is nothing.
everything you do, and everything you are is full of something. there is no part of you that is full of nothing.
do you hear me?
NO PART!
everything about you; your personality, your actions, your thoughts are so full of something that it is unbelievable.
i know when it feels like you have nothing
when you feel empty, yet so full of the nothing-ness.
you don't have to hide behind it.
i am here, i am there, i will listen
even when you're not fine, i want to be there, i want to help you.
it is my job, as your topaz, to be there all the time.
i will be here, dear wifey, and i will be waiting.
whenever, whatever you need me for, i am here
and promise me you will never again think you are full of nothing
deal?
there is so much beauty, so much substance in everything you do that i don't know how you think that is nothing.
everything you do, and everything you are is full of something. there is no part of you that is full of nothing.
do you hear me?
NO PART!
everything about you; your personality, your actions, your thoughts are so full of something that it is unbelievable.
i know when it feels like you have nothing
when you feel empty, yet so full of the nothing-ness.
you don't have to hide behind it.
i am here, i am there, i will listen
even when you're not fine, i want to be there, i want to help you.
it is my job, as your topaz, to be there all the time.
i will be here, dear wifey, and i will be waiting.
whenever, whatever you need me for, i am here
and promise me you will never again think you are full of nothing
deal?
moshin'
there is nothing better, i have discovered, than a good mosh pit.
before that dance (if it is me you are refering to, and the dance we attended?) i realised i had never been to a dance just the two of us. and i admit i had a BRILLIANT time.
i have never moshed all night.
literally, jumping for 3 and a half hour was something i have always wanted to do but never got around to. and with you, i didn't care that i dance like retard.
i danced like no one was watching...though i think alex had a nice look
i didn't care what people thought of me, and i think that is a real achievement, seeing as i am such a self consious person.
jumping, swaying, getting lost, sweating, getting thirsty, meeting new people, getting hit on, getting stood on, getting pushed, shoved and hit in all directions (including getting bitten on the cheek by you! XD) TWAS AMAZING!
we should do it again sometime!
before that dance (if it is me you are refering to, and the dance we attended?) i realised i had never been to a dance just the two of us. and i admit i had a BRILLIANT time.
i have never moshed all night.
literally, jumping for 3 and a half hour was something i have always wanted to do but never got around to. and with you, i didn't care that i dance like retard.
i danced like no one was watching...though i think alex had a nice look
i didn't care what people thought of me, and i think that is a real achievement, seeing as i am such a self consious person.
jumping, swaying, getting lost, sweating, getting thirsty, meeting new people, getting hit on, getting stood on, getting pushed, shoved and hit in all directions (including getting bitten on the cheek by you! XD) TWAS AMAZING!
we should do it again sometime!
I don't write to you very often...
i would like to thank you.
you have healed her... i have said before that people are like humpty dumpty, they fall off their wall and it takes another to put them back together and back on the wall. not only have you put her together, but you have helped her back onto the wall.
you have made her happy again. i have never seen her look so happy with someone as i see her with you. she literally lights up, and she looks at you like there is not a thing more important to her in the world. and to her, there isn't.
so on her behalf, on my behalf, and just because,
i would like to thank you.
you have brought her back to life, helped her while she has helped you.
thankyou for taking care of her when i can't
thankyou for listening when i can't
thankyou for helping with things i can't
thankyou.
you have made an honest woman out of her,
happy anniversary
may you have many more.
you have healed her... i have said before that people are like humpty dumpty, they fall off their wall and it takes another to put them back together and back on the wall. not only have you put her together, but you have helped her back onto the wall.
you have made her happy again. i have never seen her look so happy with someone as i see her with you. she literally lights up, and she looks at you like there is not a thing more important to her in the world. and to her, there isn't.
so on her behalf, on my behalf, and just because,
i would like to thank you.
you have brought her back to life, helped her while she has helped you.
thankyou for taking care of her when i can't
thankyou for listening when i can't
thankyou for helping with things i can't
thankyou.
you have made an honest woman out of her,
happy anniversary
may you have many more.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
No body knows
Nobody knows,
nobody knows but me
That I sometimes cry,
if I could pretend that I'm asleep
When my tears start to fall
I peek out from behind these walls
I think nobody knows, nobody knows, no
have you ever cried for no reason?
just laid on your bed and let the tears fall?
have you ever had so much stress, so much emotion,
that the only way for you not to explode,
is to let it out in tears?
do you hold it in,
so that no body knows,
and only let go when you know they aren't watching?
so that they don't have to feel pain with you?
so you don't have to try and explain yourself to them,
you can just cry and wait for it to end?
i love you, but there are some things you just don't need to see...
'I'm lost without you'
me without you is like
bread without butter
mobiles without credit
B1 without B2
the cat without a hat
a bed without sheets
a hardrive without a screen
a violin without strings
the night sky without stars
a car without seatbelts
a toothbrush without toothpaste
a pencil case without pens
a school without kids
alice without her wonderland
TWEEDLE-DEE WITHOUT TWEEDLE-DUMM
without you i am alone, bare and helpless.
incomplete, unfinished
you said that your solution for not ever causing anyone grief is to not die.
i have said that death is not the worst thing that can happen to a person...i agree with that...but it's the worst thing that can happen to their family.
so do me a favour...
stick to your word...
don't die...
don't leave me.
dictionary says...
LOVE
1.
a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2.
a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
that is NOTHING compared to how i feel for you. i have such a sense of protection, and utter...i don't know, there is no word for it, but i promise you, if you were to die tomorrow, i would never stop grieving...never stop thinking about you...and i would never stop loving you...
besides, i'm your husband, i will protect you no matter what, so you won't die...i promise
bread without butter
mobiles without credit
B1 without B2
the cat without a hat
a bed without sheets
a hardrive without a screen
a violin without strings
the night sky without stars
a car without seatbelts
a toothbrush without toothpaste
a pencil case without pens
a school without kids
alice without her wonderland
TWEEDLE-DEE WITHOUT TWEEDLE-DUMM
without you i am alone, bare and helpless.
incomplete, unfinished
you said that your solution for not ever causing anyone grief is to not die.
i have said that death is not the worst thing that can happen to a person...i agree with that...but it's the worst thing that can happen to their family.
so do me a favour...
stick to your word...
don't die...
don't leave me.
dictionary says...
LOVE
1.
a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2.
a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
that is NOTHING compared to how i feel for you. i have such a sense of protection, and utter...i don't know, there is no word for it, but i promise you, if you were to die tomorrow, i would never stop grieving...never stop thinking about you...and i would never stop loving you...
besides, i'm your husband, i will protect you no matter what, so you won't die...i promise
isn't it odd...
how much easier it is to express anger?
how much more effective anger is, compared to love for example?
how much more of your message can be conveyed through pure hatred?
i was reading a friend's english draft, and she has taken on the roll of a crazy Afrikaana nazi lover who hates the english. when i read the draft, i was blown away. the words she used, and the way she used them made me imaging Sergent Botha yelling at me. i could see the flecks of spit coming from his mouth, and hear his growling voice. i could hear the utter hatred coming from his mouth, only it was coming from these words...maybe she's an amazing writter (she is!) maybe im a good imaginer, but the way the hatred was conveyed was PHENOMENAL
sorry my little friend, i am going to include a bit, so everyone can see how powerful it is.
God had sent Hitler to deliver us from the English bastards who stole our country and killed our people. I was doing my duty. I was eliminating the English. PK deserved to die, and still does. All English had to pay but he got away, free and innocent he escaped with nothing but a bruise to his forehead. Me, I was scared for life.
Once PK is gone, I will find him, my father, and beat him like he did to me so many years ago. He will grovel as I overpower him. Oh! How sweet the revenge will be.
As of tonight, it will all change, for the better. Now I am on top . I have the authority and I will authorize his killing. He is hope for the Africans. With him gone we will rule. He must die. I will hunt him down. He will pay.
don't cross blondie in a dark alleyway!
throughout the world we try desperately to convey love...but it is like swimming against the current. no amount of love in the world will ever make up for the amount of hatred that exists.
so why try and love?
because although it hurts when it's gone, it feels like nothing else while it is in your grasp
how much more effective anger is, compared to love for example?
how much more of your message can be conveyed through pure hatred?
i was reading a friend's english draft, and she has taken on the roll of a crazy Afrikaana nazi lover who hates the english. when i read the draft, i was blown away. the words she used, and the way she used them made me imaging Sergent Botha yelling at me. i could see the flecks of spit coming from his mouth, and hear his growling voice. i could hear the utter hatred coming from his mouth, only it was coming from these words...maybe she's an amazing writter (she is!) maybe im a good imaginer, but the way the hatred was conveyed was PHENOMENAL
sorry my little friend, i am going to include a bit, so everyone can see how powerful it is.
God had sent Hitler to deliver us from the English bastards who stole our country and killed our people. I was doing my duty. I was eliminating the English. PK deserved to die, and still does. All English had to pay but he got away, free and innocent he escaped with nothing but a bruise to his forehead. Me, I was scared for life.
Once PK is gone, I will find him, my father, and beat him like he did to me so many years ago. He will grovel as I overpower him. Oh! How sweet the revenge will be.
As of tonight, it will all change, for the better. Now I am on top . I have the authority and I will authorize his killing. He is hope for the Africans. With him gone we will rule. He must die. I will hunt him down. He will pay.
don't cross blondie in a dark alleyway!
throughout the world we try desperately to convey love...but it is like swimming against the current. no amount of love in the world will ever make up for the amount of hatred that exists.
so why try and love?
because although it hurts when it's gone, it feels like nothing else while it is in your grasp
Saturday, August 29, 2009
maybe...
maybe i had a list
maybe i considered it
maybe i did
maybe i didn't.
maybe i realised that it wasn't for me
maybe i realised i want more than that can give me
maybe i realised i wouldn't be strong enough anyway
maybe i realised i didn't want it enough to go through what you did
maybe, baby
maybe i considered it
maybe i did
maybe i didn't.
maybe i realised that it wasn't for me
maybe i realised i want more than that can give me
maybe i realised i wouldn't be strong enough anyway
maybe i realised i didn't want it enough to go through what you did
maybe, baby
No body realises
how observant i am.
i don't usually say much...just sit in the corner so to speak, and watch.
i watch and i listen.
i pick up on things i shouldn't
i see things i wish i didn't
but all the while
no body realises
how observant i am.
i see you. whether you actually realise, or whether it is noticable or not, i see it.
no body realises, but i know you well. i know your body language, your facial expressions, everything. both of you. and i know. i see you. and i watch and i wait.
no body realises how much i care for you
no body realises how much you mean to me
no body realises how hard it is for me to see you in pain
no body realises that when you try to hide your pain, i still see it
no body realises how painful their words can be
no body realises that it's none of their business
no body realises
no body realises
no body realises how observant i am.
you say that your friends know more than you want them to, more than they should.
i am one of them.
because no body realises how observant i am.
no body realises what i have the potential to know.
no body realises that there is no point in hiding anything from me, because i am only going to find out in the end. it's only a matter of time.
no body realises me
i don't usually say much...just sit in the corner so to speak, and watch.
i watch and i listen.
i pick up on things i shouldn't
i see things i wish i didn't
but all the while
no body realises
how observant i am.
i see you. whether you actually realise, or whether it is noticable or not, i see it.
no body realises, but i know you well. i know your body language, your facial expressions, everything. both of you. and i know. i see you. and i watch and i wait.
no body realises how much i care for you
no body realises how much you mean to me
no body realises how hard it is for me to see you in pain
no body realises that when you try to hide your pain, i still see it
no body realises how painful their words can be
no body realises that it's none of their business
no body realises
no body realises
no body realises how observant i am.
you say that your friends know more than you want them to, more than they should.
i am one of them.
because no body realises how observant i am.
no body realises what i have the potential to know.
no body realises that there is no point in hiding anything from me, because i am only going to find out in the end. it's only a matter of time.
no body realises me
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Disappointement
i completed the 40 hr famine on sunday.
i was quite dissapointed in myself.
why?
well, in 40 hrs i consumed 5 barley sugars and about 2 litres of water
no, i didn't cheat.
no, the reason i was disappointed was that the 40hr fmaine is supposed to be a challenge, something you struggle to do. something you consider giving up on.
though i thought of food adnd would have liked some, i wasn't hungry.i wasn't sitting there brooding about the Etheopian children. no, i was out enjoying myself because
a) i wasn't actually hungry
and b) i knew at the end i would have food waiting for me anyway.
IT WASN'T A CHALLENGE
the 40hr famine should be something that requires complete self-control and dicipline, great will power and be a major challenge.
next year? definately
only next year i am going to suffer like an etheopia child.
no food
limited water
no furnature
no electricity
no human contact
next year i plan to have 40 hrs of no talking, no emailing, no light, no tv, i will use only 2 buckets of water in the 2 days.
i will suffer and i will stick it out.
and only then will i begin to realise how good i have it.
i was quite dissapointed in myself.
why?
well, in 40 hrs i consumed 5 barley sugars and about 2 litres of water
no, i didn't cheat.
no, the reason i was disappointed was that the 40hr fmaine is supposed to be a challenge, something you struggle to do. something you consider giving up on.
though i thought of food adnd would have liked some, i wasn't hungry.i wasn't sitting there brooding about the Etheopian children. no, i was out enjoying myself because
a) i wasn't actually hungry
and b) i knew at the end i would have food waiting for me anyway.
IT WASN'T A CHALLENGE
the 40hr famine should be something that requires complete self-control and dicipline, great will power and be a major challenge.
next year? definately
only next year i am going to suffer like an etheopia child.
no food
limited water
no furnature
no electricity
no human contact
next year i plan to have 40 hrs of no talking, no emailing, no light, no tv, i will use only 2 buckets of water in the 2 days.
i will suffer and i will stick it out.
and only then will i begin to realise how good i have it.
WHERE DO YOU GET OFF
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU.
I ACTUALLY CANNOT BELIEVE THE THINGS YOU SAY.
WHY DON'T YOU READ YOUR BLOG YOURSELF AND REALISE THAT HALF THE STUFF YOU ARE TRYING TO PIN ON HER IS ACTUALLY YOU
YOU JUST DON'T GET IT!
YOU ARE TOO SELF ABSORBED, TOO FOCUSED ON WHAT MATTERS TO YOU TO SEE WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT I THOUGHT OF YOU AS A FRIEND.
YOU ARE THE FURTHEREST THING FROM IT.
I JUST DON'T GET WHERE YOU GET OFF BLAMING HER FOR YOUR MISTAKES.
YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO HAVE THE LAST WORD, ALWAYS HAVE TO ENSURE THAT NO ONE SEES YOU AS THE BAD GUY
WELL GUESS WHAT?
ITS NOT WORKING
you are pathetic
I ACTUALLY CANNOT BELIEVE THE THINGS YOU SAY.
WHY DON'T YOU READ YOUR BLOG YOURSELF AND REALISE THAT HALF THE STUFF YOU ARE TRYING TO PIN ON HER IS ACTUALLY YOU
YOU JUST DON'T GET IT!
YOU ARE TOO SELF ABSORBED, TOO FOCUSED ON WHAT MATTERS TO YOU TO SEE WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT I THOUGHT OF YOU AS A FRIEND.
YOU ARE THE FURTHEREST THING FROM IT.
I JUST DON'T GET WHERE YOU GET OFF BLAMING HER FOR YOUR MISTAKES.
YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO HAVE THE LAST WORD, ALWAYS HAVE TO ENSURE THAT NO ONE SEES YOU AS THE BAD GUY
WELL GUESS WHAT?
ITS NOT WORKING
you are pathetic
you make me ME
i don't know if you know.
but everytime i am with you, i feel a sense of calmness.
i don't feel the pressure to be anything i'm not, to put my guard up.
when i am with you, there is something about you that makes me ME again.
i no longer feel self concious, nervous or quiet and shy. with you i am more lively, confident and HAPPY. you make me YOU, and i think that is one of the best ways to be.
on saturday to begin with i was self concious about what i was wearing, how i was acting, but you just make me calm. i was making conversation and jokes with people i hardly knew. i was totally comfortable and not afraid to say or do anything, because i no longer cared what other people thought, i was happy. for the first time in a very long time, i let go.
i always thought that i would never get a guy to even look at me, yet when i let go, when i stopped caring, i found that maybe, just maybe someone might like what they see in me.
i know it was just a dance and guys dance with girls all over the place, but to have someone want to dance with me, particularly with you standing next to me, gave me the confidence and self esteem i need. i have developed the confidence, over the last couple of months to be me, to let go and suddenlt the world is a more inviting place.
i don't know that i am ready for the world yet, and i don't know that i want to be, but i know that with you there, i am more me, and i like who i am.
so thank you for making me ME. i am glad she has found her way out, and i look forward to having some fun with her.
love you always
but everytime i am with you, i feel a sense of calmness.
i don't feel the pressure to be anything i'm not, to put my guard up.
when i am with you, there is something about you that makes me ME again.
i no longer feel self concious, nervous or quiet and shy. with you i am more lively, confident and HAPPY. you make me YOU, and i think that is one of the best ways to be.
on saturday to begin with i was self concious about what i was wearing, how i was acting, but you just make me calm. i was making conversation and jokes with people i hardly knew. i was totally comfortable and not afraid to say or do anything, because i no longer cared what other people thought, i was happy. for the first time in a very long time, i let go.
i always thought that i would never get a guy to even look at me, yet when i let go, when i stopped caring, i found that maybe, just maybe someone might like what they see in me.
i know it was just a dance and guys dance with girls all over the place, but to have someone want to dance with me, particularly with you standing next to me, gave me the confidence and self esteem i need. i have developed the confidence, over the last couple of months to be me, to let go and suddenlt the world is a more inviting place.
i don't know that i am ready for the world yet, and i don't know that i want to be, but i know that with you there, i am more me, and i like who i am.
so thank you for making me ME. i am glad she has found her way out, and i look forward to having some fun with her.
love you always
oh sweetie...
i just read your blog.
it almost made me cry!
you are the most adorable, cutest, sweetest most sensitive person i know and i love you.
i won't leave you again, dearest wifey,
and you should know that even when i'm not there physically, i am always there in your heart.
love you more than i can say,
your hubby.
it almost made me cry!
you are the most adorable, cutest, sweetest most sensitive person i know and i love you.
i won't leave you again, dearest wifey,
and you should know that even when i'm not there physically, i am always there in your heart.
love you more than i can say,
your hubby.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
i never realised
have you ever thought about how much of your day you spend related to food?
how much of your week?
between cooking, shopping and eating, the average person would spend close to 19 hours a week doing something with food.
and that's just actualy doing something with it.
do you know how much time you spend THINKING about food?
i was doing the 40hr famine and i never realised how much i thought about food. i was doing homework and i wondered why i was getting restless and i realised that i normally have a break and go and eat something, but i was famining so i didn't stop!!!
i kept going to the cupboard when i got bored, then realising that i couldn't eat, then realising what a fattie i was, wanting to eat cuz i was bored!!!
twas an interesting and enlightening experience
how much of your week?
between cooking, shopping and eating, the average person would spend close to 19 hours a week doing something with food.
and that's just actualy doing something with it.
do you know how much time you spend THINKING about food?
i was doing the 40hr famine and i never realised how much i thought about food. i was doing homework and i wondered why i was getting restless and i realised that i normally have a break and go and eat something, but i was famining so i didn't stop!!!
i kept going to the cupboard when i got bored, then realising that i couldn't eat, then realising what a fattie i was, wanting to eat cuz i was bored!!!
twas an interesting and enlightening experience
SUCCESS!!!
guess who finished their maths assignment
even though she stayed up till 1am tuesday night 'finishing' it
ME
guess who finished her Physics Background
even though she procrastinated and put it off and took 2hours to write 300 words
ME!
i feel such a sense of achievemt that i let myself have a break.
life is good.
even though she stayed up till 1am tuesday night 'finishing' it
ME
guess who finished her Physics Background
even though she procrastinated and put it off and took 2hours to write 300 words
ME!
i feel such a sense of achievemt that i let myself have a break.
life is good.
im on a roll
15 and a half hours down and im not even hungary! *touch wood*
i feel...normal...i usually do this on weekends! lol
only one barley sugar so far...and antelope? they're not having any 'laxative' effects on me!!! lol
marist tonight!
can't wait, havent been to one in like a year!
i will get to see my new-found male friends!
well...two of them, then again, i only have 4!!! lol me
i need to get out more...
BUT FISRT!
to finish maths assignment...groan
i feel...normal...i usually do this on weekends! lol
only one barley sugar so far...and antelope? they're not having any 'laxative' effects on me!!! lol
marist tonight!
can't wait, havent been to one in like a year!
i will get to see my new-found male friends!
well...two of them, then again, i only have 4!!! lol me
i need to get out more...
BUT FISRT!
to finish maths assignment...groan
i think i have failed you...
i promised to be there for you
but havent been.
i told myself that you were one of the only people who i would be there for no matter what.
i told that to other people too,
yet still,
i have failed you.
i can see that you are slowly falling apart, breaking away piece by piece.
i want to do something to help,
to pull you into my arms,
stroke your hair,
whisper nonesense calming words in your ear,
and make it all go away.
but i failed you.
over the last few months i have tried marginally to comfort you, to help you
but not enough.
you deserve more.
from now on you will know that i care, i will prove it to you.
you will know that even though you may not want me to be, i will be here, waiting.
you will know that you can let your guard down for me, i won't care, i will just listen and try my best to make it better.
i am sorry for not paying you better attention
i am sorry for believing, or making myself believe the mask
i am sorry for thinking you were ok, when i really knew you werent
i am truly, deeply and totally sorry for not being there for you
but from now on i will be
i promise.
though there are others who expect you to be super woman, to give back what they put in,
you should know that you don't have to do that for me.
i have always felt some major responsibility to protect you, to be the mother lioness protecting her cubs.
i don't care that you go with the others, when you come back, if you come back, i will be waiting.
i love you and i will try to make it up to you.
i won't fail you again
but havent been.
i told myself that you were one of the only people who i would be there for no matter what.
i told that to other people too,
yet still,
i have failed you.
i can see that you are slowly falling apart, breaking away piece by piece.
i want to do something to help,
to pull you into my arms,
stroke your hair,
whisper nonesense calming words in your ear,
and make it all go away.
but i failed you.
over the last few months i have tried marginally to comfort you, to help you
but not enough.
you deserve more.
from now on you will know that i care, i will prove it to you.
you will know that even though you may not want me to be, i will be here, waiting.
you will know that you can let your guard down for me, i won't care, i will just listen and try my best to make it better.
i am sorry for not paying you better attention
i am sorry for believing, or making myself believe the mask
i am sorry for thinking you were ok, when i really knew you werent
i am truly, deeply and totally sorry for not being there for you
but from now on i will be
i promise.
though there are others who expect you to be super woman, to give back what they put in,
you should know that you don't have to do that for me.
i have always felt some major responsibility to protect you, to be the mother lioness protecting her cubs.
i don't care that you go with the others, when you come back, if you come back, i will be waiting.
i love you and i will try to make it up to you.
i won't fail you again
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Things I learnt at a semi/post...
i forgot to post this!
1. it is possible to dance for more than 3 hours straight.
2. Mr Baker and Ms Ragonissi can get 'down and giggy with it'
3. Brad doesn't like my rack...lol
4. Brad thinks i am easily offended - he apologised about 80 times!
5. There wasn't a lot of point of supervision, they miss most of the good stuff (note i said most there, erin!)
6. Gabe fails at scissors, paper, rock
7. it is possible to not eat for 11 hours and still not be hungry (bring on the 40hr famine!)
8. Connor is AWESOME...but very shy and insecure...
9. Ryan is better than i am at pool
10. i can't play pool at 12:30 in the morning
1. it is possible to dance for more than 3 hours straight.
2. Mr Baker and Ms Ragonissi can get 'down and giggy with it'
3. Brad doesn't like my rack...lol
4. Brad thinks i am easily offended - he apologised about 80 times!
5. There wasn't a lot of point of supervision, they miss most of the good stuff (note i said most there, erin!)
6. Gabe fails at scissors, paper, rock
7. it is possible to not eat for 11 hours and still not be hungry (bring on the 40hr famine!)
8. Connor is AWESOME...but very shy and insecure...
9. Ryan is better than i am at pool
10. i can't play pool at 12:30 in the morning
Friday, August 14, 2009
Woe is me
what is today?
the semi
what have i spent the morning doing?
the usual 'getting ready' kind of stuff
what am i about to do?
MY BIG FAT STUPID MATHS ASSIGNMENT WHICH I AM THIS CLOSE [HOLDS FINGERS 1MM APART] FROM BURNING WITH A DOUBLRE CONVEX LENS!
NOT HAPPY JAN!
what is this world coming to?
the semi
what have i spent the morning doing?
the usual 'getting ready' kind of stuff
what am i about to do?
MY BIG FAT STUPID MATHS ASSIGNMENT WHICH I AM THIS CLOSE [HOLDS FINGERS 1MM APART] FROM BURNING WITH A DOUBLRE CONVEX LENS!
NOT HAPPY JAN!
what is this world coming to?
Thursday, August 13, 2009
emotions mirror
you were happy today.
so i was happy.
i don't like it when you're depressed, because, like you, i also remember.
that was a bad time, and though i know it is very VERY unlikely to happen,
i fear that you will go back to that place.
and that's a place i don't want you to be.
i didn't get to say properly the other night what i wanted, i didn't process it properly until the morning, but i must say that is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.
you don't need to feel weak or guilty for having an off day, we all have them, and sometimes it does get too much. don't be afraid to rant to me and get anything off your chest, i am here, any hour of the day or night.
i will love you always, and i will be here always.
so i was happy.
i don't like it when you're depressed, because, like you, i also remember.
that was a bad time, and though i know it is very VERY unlikely to happen,
i fear that you will go back to that place.
and that's a place i don't want you to be.
i didn't get to say properly the other night what i wanted, i didn't process it properly until the morning, but i must say that is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.
you don't need to feel weak or guilty for having an off day, we all have them, and sometimes it does get too much. don't be afraid to rant to me and get anything off your chest, i am here, any hour of the day or night.
i will love you always, and i will be here always.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Do you know what i love?
Ethics and Morals debates/old people getting up their nose at stuff
such as
Death Penalty (i actually wrote a paper on it!)
Abortion
Homosexuality
most of the time, these arguments are carried out with my grangmother (love you nanna!). (lol i meant grandmother, not grangmother, but i kept it in so you could laugh at my expense)
i am the only person in our family that has a chance at arguing with her, but she is so stubborn and single minded (in a good way) that even i don't stand a chance
i have gotten to the stage with her where it is a yelling match, and though my arguments are well thought out and possibly right, i just give up for the sake of peace and quiet.
so.
i am looking forward to year 12 SOR for the ethics topic so i can rant and rave about abortion! thanks ms hess, you've got me fired up already!
i am on the 'FOR' side of the argument.
those who went to the gifted and talented conference, i am not as blunt to say that it is ok because it is an 'unwanted visitor', but i am a very 'best interests of the child' type person...im a divorced kid, its all you hear about during custody aragements lol
so my beliefs are that if the child is unwanted (no matter how bad that sounds) and that means that the mother won't be as keen to take proper care of the child, then it is ok.
if the child is going to have a disability that will affect the child's quality of life, then i say yes
if the child is a rape child and the mother cannot bear to keep it, then i think it's fine.
if the child is going to be born into poverty or close enough, then abortion is acceptable.
if the mother/father is unfit to care for the child, or they are alcoholics etc and the child could get hurt, then it is acceptable.
would i get an abortion?
no.
i know its one thing to say that they are ok, and then say i wouldn't have one, but i have very different reasonings.
i know what it does to a family to lose a child.
it takes years to recover, if you ever do.
so would i put myself through that if i had another choice? selfishly i think that i would keep the child and try my hardest to provide for it, rather than put myself through that level of grief.
i would like to think that i am the sort of person who would say 'it doesn't matter what i go through, if the child isn't going to have a good life, then don't bring it into the world' but i don't think i could
that is one of my worse traits, im selfish, all too often.
but if i found out one of my friends were pregnant, or later down the track, my kids, i would support them all the way, no matter what they chose, and no matter what i had to sacrifice.
this was an interesting blog... i really do like ethical/'old people hate this' debates. don't get me started on gay rights!
such as
Death Penalty (i actually wrote a paper on it!)
Abortion
Homosexuality
most of the time, these arguments are carried out with my grangmother (love you nanna!). (lol i meant grandmother, not grangmother, but i kept it in so you could laugh at my expense)
i am the only person in our family that has a chance at arguing with her, but she is so stubborn and single minded (in a good way) that even i don't stand a chance
i have gotten to the stage with her where it is a yelling match, and though my arguments are well thought out and possibly right, i just give up for the sake of peace and quiet.
so.
i am looking forward to year 12 SOR for the ethics topic so i can rant and rave about abortion! thanks ms hess, you've got me fired up already!
i am on the 'FOR' side of the argument.
those who went to the gifted and talented conference, i am not as blunt to say that it is ok because it is an 'unwanted visitor', but i am a very 'best interests of the child' type person...im a divorced kid, its all you hear about during custody aragements lol
so my beliefs are that if the child is unwanted (no matter how bad that sounds) and that means that the mother won't be as keen to take proper care of the child, then it is ok.
if the child is going to have a disability that will affect the child's quality of life, then i say yes
if the child is a rape child and the mother cannot bear to keep it, then i think it's fine.
if the child is going to be born into poverty or close enough, then abortion is acceptable.
if the mother/father is unfit to care for the child, or they are alcoholics etc and the child could get hurt, then it is acceptable.
would i get an abortion?
no.
i know its one thing to say that they are ok, and then say i wouldn't have one, but i have very different reasonings.
i know what it does to a family to lose a child.
it takes years to recover, if you ever do.
so would i put myself through that if i had another choice? selfishly i think that i would keep the child and try my hardest to provide for it, rather than put myself through that level of grief.
i would like to think that i am the sort of person who would say 'it doesn't matter what i go through, if the child isn't going to have a good life, then don't bring it into the world' but i don't think i could
that is one of my worse traits, im selfish, all too often.
but if i found out one of my friends were pregnant, or later down the track, my kids, i would support them all the way, no matter what they chose, and no matter what i had to sacrifice.
this was an interesting blog... i really do like ethical/'old people hate this' debates. don't get me started on gay rights!
I've Decided...or rather i've decided not to decide
I have recently realised how much time i have spent stressing over pointless things.
namely, what im going to do when i 'grow up', if that ever happens...
and i've decided, WHY CHOOSE NOW! im only going to spend all this time worrying about what im going to do, and how im going to do it, without appreciating what is right in front of me.
i have an awesome life at the moment, no matter if occasionally i forget that.
i have an AMAZING circle of friends
i am slowly gaining guy-friends
i have good grades
i can juggle work and school
im going to america
so I've decided that from now on, you will see the more positive me, the happier, content-er, overall grateful (most of the time) me.
i hope you enjoy her
namely, what im going to do when i 'grow up', if that ever happens...
and i've decided, WHY CHOOSE NOW! im only going to spend all this time worrying about what im going to do, and how im going to do it, without appreciating what is right in front of me.
i have an awesome life at the moment, no matter if occasionally i forget that.
i have an AMAZING circle of friends
i am slowly gaining guy-friends
i have good grades
i can juggle work and school
im going to america
so I've decided that from now on, you will see the more positive me, the happier, content-er, overall grateful (most of the time) me.
i hope you enjoy her
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Leadership
we had a leadership day today, and i think i have realised what makes a good leader...
the day didn't contribute, but i think i just had an idea
people say that courage is the absence of fear, sam mentioned it today, but straight away i though, hang on no. courage isn't the absence of fear, courage is realising fear, embracing and acknowledging it, and persevering anyway.
i think leadership has a simlar concept.
leadership isn't people who are great at standing out in front of crowds, or good speakers, or particularly respected people. no, the greatest leaders are the ones who can honestly say to themselves, "look, i realise i'm not the best person for this job, but i'll have a crack anyway."
leaders are better if they think they can't do it, becuase it will only make them try that bit harder to prove themselves, whereas the others will be so caught up in their self confidence that they won't stop to realise that they are doing a shocking job.
if you can realise that you wouldn't make a good leader, or that someone else could do it better, then you are the perfect one for the job.
if you know that this isn't what you were cut out for, then it is the job for you...
like in a desperate housewives episode i saw a segment of recently, a 6 year old wanted to make up, and her mother told her she couldn't. when the daughter asked when she was allowed to wear the make up, her mother replied, " the day you realise that you don't need make up, is the day that you can start wearing it."
the day you realise that you aren't a leader, is the day you start being one.
the day didn't contribute, but i think i just had an idea
people say that courage is the absence of fear, sam mentioned it today, but straight away i though, hang on no. courage isn't the absence of fear, courage is realising fear, embracing and acknowledging it, and persevering anyway.
i think leadership has a simlar concept.
leadership isn't people who are great at standing out in front of crowds, or good speakers, or particularly respected people. no, the greatest leaders are the ones who can honestly say to themselves, "look, i realise i'm not the best person for this job, but i'll have a crack anyway."
leaders are better if they think they can't do it, becuase it will only make them try that bit harder to prove themselves, whereas the others will be so caught up in their self confidence that they won't stop to realise that they are doing a shocking job.
if you can realise that you wouldn't make a good leader, or that someone else could do it better, then you are the perfect one for the job.
if you know that this isn't what you were cut out for, then it is the job for you...
like in a desperate housewives episode i saw a segment of recently, a 6 year old wanted to make up, and her mother told her she couldn't. when the daughter asked when she was allowed to wear the make up, her mother replied, " the day you realise that you don't need make up, is the day that you can start wearing it."
the day you realise that you aren't a leader, is the day you start being one.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
thought i'd get in there before erin
should be doing homework...but this is very funny...
football games on saturday night (i think, might have been friday)
Cowboys slaughtered the titans....something like 26-0 at half time
Broncos...SHAMEFUL GAME OF FOOTBALL!
at full time guess what the score was
my guesses were
32...no, higher
42...no, higher
52...no, higher
56 points...to NIL!!!
against the raiders, who are currently like 3rd from the bottom of the ladder!
RIDICULOUS!
football games on saturday night (i think, might have been friday)
Cowboys slaughtered the titans....something like 26-0 at half time
Broncos...SHAMEFUL GAME OF FOOTBALL!
at full time guess what the score was
my guesses were
32...no, higher
42...no, higher
52...no, higher
56 points...to NIL!!!
against the raiders, who are currently like 3rd from the bottom of the ladder!
RIDICULOUS!
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