t'would appear my aspirations are too large for my abilities.

I feel bad about writting this, but i need to say it so don't anyone take offence cuz it is relating totally to me and me only.

I got Maths assignment and exam marks back today.
The assignment I aced, as one does in maths assignments.
But the exam.
Oh, the exam.

I remember walking out of that exam thinking 'Wow, i actually think i did alright in that', and then upon hearing that the two most intelligent girls in the grade didn't even start most of the test, I really, honestly thought I would have a chance at getting somewhere this semester. I thought that maybe I would be able to come close to, if not Dux.
Stupid Dream, I know.

Because I got the exam back and I looked at the first mark I saw on the page.
32 out of 41.
That was for Knowledge and Procedures.
I nearly slit my wrists.
Then I proceeded to look at my Modelling and Problem Solving Marks.
I didn't even get the easy one out.
I got a 3, 1,4,3.
Once again, I nearly slit my wrists.

Now I know that these marks are quite acceptable.
I know they may even be good.
But for me, in maths, with this level of work,
it should have been at least 36 out of 41, and at least two of the MAPS out.
I know that I am an A student in Maths.
I know that I have the potential to be an A+ student.
But in one exam, I drop my marks to a measly B+.
For most, this is overjoying.
For me?
It is beyond dismal.
For me, that is a fail.
For me, in maths, to get those marks....I just...I don't know what to do.
I can't get good marks lately.
I just can't get them.
I work my fingers TO THE BONE
and still, I can't get the marks.
My only conclusion is that I am not good enough.
That these marks just aren't an achievable mark for me.

Everyone has one study area, one subject that they excell in.
For me, it's maths, and to have such a terrible mark for me is like an Olympic Standard Swimmer told that actually, they can't swim faster than a 2 year-old.
My entire future education relies on the fact that I am good at, and moreover, Talented at some maths/science subject. My security was always that if I couldn't do too well in physics or chemistry, I would always be good at Maths.
But now I'm not too sure.