Book 23 - The Stone Key

Book Number: 23
Book Title: The stone Key
Page Number: 1000
Page sub-total: 8579

I had the wierdest dream about you last night

Like, it was the definition of wierd.
But the wierdest thing is I don't know where it came from
Other wierd dreams I have are instigated by something you said, or something that happened, or in relation to a book I read or something,
but this one was just... Wierd!
Actually, I had a few wierd dreams last night. I was climbing on roofs and tipping houses over and being chased by crazy people....
I think there may have been something in my dinner last night...

Oh

I actually can't express in words how much you mean to me.
How much you all mean to me,
but I think you were the only one who understood that, or perhaps the only one who read it.
You made me cry at the fact that I made you cry.
But yes, I am ok
I'm trying to sort myself out, trying to figure out what to do
how to respond.
I wish you could read it
I wish I could tell you everything
But I don't think I can bring myself to relive that
I have spent far too long trying to build a barrier over those memories
trying not to dream about them
or relate them to my current experiences
I'm afraid if I let them out, I won't be able to put them back
I'm afraid that they'll take over my life
That they'll consume all that I have rebuilt
So I hope you understand
I wish I could tell you
I really do
But I don't know if I can
Maybe one day
You will hear everything
until then
I'm afraid I can't.
I love you

confused

what does it mean if blogger is telling you you have a comment but the post says there is no comment??

You don't get to apologise

You hurt me
It may have been a while ago,
and maybe I don't think about it or you every day anymore
but the fact of the matter is you hurt me
you broke me beyond repair.
I was normal
I was an uncomplicated, normal person
and you took that away from me
you ripped my world from under my feet
you destroyed everything I had
Everything I believed in
You made me dark and twisty
and nothing will take that away.
I don't think you will ever fully grasp the concept of what you did to me
of how your actions impacted on me and my life
You took away my youth
you took away my childhood
You took away every stable thing I had in my life.
You say that you weren't mentally stable enough to handle my reaction
but did you ever think that maybe we weren't mentally stable enough either?
You made me fear the one thing I though was meant to protect me
You destroyed the one indestructible thing in my life
You were the thing I never deserved to have to deal with
Just when my life was back on track
finally when things are good again
you decide it's time to apologise
So I don't care if you were depressed
I don't care if you realise now that what you did was wrong
You don't get to apologise
You don't get to get it off your conscience
You don't get to feel better

History

Most of the time I don't understand you
it is a rare occasion when I completely understand all that you say
And I don't know you very well.
I don't think we were ever close enough for me to really know you
Yet I think I know that you have always been right for her
Always been the one person she could turn to.
I think even amidst the yelling and abuse that I threw at you, both to your face and not
I knew the reason you hurt her so much, or the reason she felt hurt by the things you did
was because she always knew you were right for her
you may have different personalities
and value different things
but I have a good feeling about this
I think it will all work out
because I think you were always right for her...
She was always a happier, more fun loving person with you
and although you both hurt each other at times
I think you were both better people for knowing each other
and I'm not just saying this
I honestly think you are good for her.

I don't have enough issues...

I'm a teenage girl, but I don't have any issues

I think I need a life...

oh em gee

ALANNA! I WAS JUST DOING MY CHEMISTRY HOMEWORK AND THERE IS A FORMULA I THINK YOU WILL LIKE!!!

it is

4KO2 + 2H2O ---> 4KOH + 3O2

I nearly jumped out of my skin with excitement!

Just thought I'd tell you
How's life? It's totes your birthday in... *checks calendar for today's date* *realises it's the 6th* *calculates in head* 19 days! Maybe I should give you a lovely text in 12 days like I did last year! haha :)

Is it too late to apologise?

I realised today how hypocritical I am
I have complained and whinged about not knowing your issues, but I tell you stuff all and expect you to give me something
So I'm sorry
I'm sorry for expecting too much of you
I'm sorry for being hypocritical when that's the one thing I try so hard not to be
I'm sorry for expecting you to spill your heart out when I know full well how hard that can be
So I am sincerely, truly and completely sorry
I didn't realise how bad I really was

I was proud of you today

On the bus. I'm very proud of you as a mother that you figured it out
That you found out how to fix it, and now you're going to be fixed

So well done. I was very proud.
I always am.

DON'T EVER FORGET

I love you

don't you ever forget. you must never let yourself forget that you are loved
no matter what you do, who you hurt, I love you
I love YOU
I LOVE you
I LOVE YOU
Don't ever forget

The first time...

Today was the first time you've ever done that
You don't know how good it felt for me to finally know
for me to finally have a starting point
I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong
and I'm not going to feel sorry for you
I'm not going to ask you if you're ok
because you don't want me to feel pity, that will just make you hate yourself more
and I know you're not ok, so why would I bother asking
But I have a starting point
I wish I was your shrink
because then I would be able to help with more...I don't know, more impact I suppose
But I'm not your shrink
and if I was I'd probably not be any help anyway
but my point is that
although snow white is addicted to those apples
that seem to mess up her entire life
at least she knows they are bad for her
at least she knows that she needs to stop
maybe she needs to go to an Apples Anonymous meeting to really start on her way to stopping
but at least she figured that out for herself
at least snow white knows that her prince charming will get sick of kissing her back to life
at least she knows that she needs to tell that damned witch to stop giving her apples
and until she finds the strength and ability to do that
the dawarfs will be there to help her

I don't normally make strange analogies like that, so please forgive the cheesyness.
but the point is there
you know you need to stop
you may not know how, but you know you have to.
and if prince charming is the one who is kissing you back to life
I'm glad he's around
and I'm glad you're happy,
even though it's in an obscure and confusing way.