You're killing me

I'm at my witt's end.
I cannot watch a romantic movie without my chest aching.
I'm not an attention seeker, I'm not doing this on purpose.
I just want this to end.
I want to live my life. I want to live my life without the memory of you hanging over my shoulder.
I want to watch a fucking movie and not be distraught for 3 hours afterwards.
Is that so much to ask?
Is the universe that much of a bitch that I'm going to continue to live like this forever?
Loving you is the most painful thing I've ever experienced in my entire life.
I need it to end.
If there's no point to loving you, then why do I have to keep experiencing this?
I need this to stop, to end, to heal.
I need to stop loving you so I can have my life back.

I wish I knew how to make it go away

Body ache

I want you to hug me until I feel it
I want you to kiss me until I feel it
I want to feel that I'm loved, that I'm something for you, for anyone.
Because each day I just plod along, supposedly getting hurt by things people do or say,
But I don't feel a thing. I'm numb.
And yet sometimes, I feel everything all at once.
It's like my dam of emotions gets a crack in it and all these emotions flow out
I don't know which rain storm it came from, I just know they're there and I can't keep them in.

Sometimes I wonder who named emotions.
It's not heartache. It's a whole body ache.