Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Saturday, July 25, 2009
What i should, but can't say...
there are so many things i should be doing right now, but i need to say this to you.
i'm sorry
i'm sorry im always there
i'm sorry i annoy you
i'm sorry i read what i shouldn't
i'm sorry i know too much about you
i'm sorry i care so much
i'm sorry i act immature
i have always had some attraction, but in the magnetisation way, to you, i am not able to leave you till i know you are ok, till you're happy, and until i know you know i am there.
everything i do for you, i do in your best interests, i feel like i am a mother and you are my first child, i am obliged to protect you in every way, from everything.
but now that i think about it, i am not sorry for it.
i am not sorry for always being there, because if you need me i am there
i am not sorry i know too much about you, i know just what you show me, no deeper, i know too little about you, and that i am sorry for
i am not sorry i care so much about you, if i didn't, i don't think i could cope
but i am sorry that when you don't want me, when you feel you don't need me; i can't stay away.
i wish i could, but if you are the north pole, i am the compas hand that always points your way, if you are the minutes hand on a clock, i am the hour hand, trying to keep up, if you are the sun, then i am the earth, orbiting around you.
no matter what you ever do or say, i will never stop loving you, and you will forever be my best friend
for the record, the reason i wrote this in a blog, and didn't tell you, is that whenever i say things alloud they never come out right, no matter how much i edit them. if i write it here, though it is somewhat unedited, my though-train can be better understood...it doesn't mean any less just because you see it on a computer screen...
love you
i'm sorry
i'm sorry im always there
i'm sorry i annoy you
i'm sorry i read what i shouldn't
i'm sorry i know too much about you
i'm sorry i care so much
i'm sorry i act immature
i have always had some attraction, but in the magnetisation way, to you, i am not able to leave you till i know you are ok, till you're happy, and until i know you know i am there.
everything i do for you, i do in your best interests, i feel like i am a mother and you are my first child, i am obliged to protect you in every way, from everything.
but now that i think about it, i am not sorry for it.
i am not sorry for always being there, because if you need me i am there
i am not sorry i know too much about you, i know just what you show me, no deeper, i know too little about you, and that i am sorry for
i am not sorry i care so much about you, if i didn't, i don't think i could cope
but i am sorry that when you don't want me, when you feel you don't need me; i can't stay away.
i wish i could, but if you are the north pole, i am the compas hand that always points your way, if you are the minutes hand on a clock, i am the hour hand, trying to keep up, if you are the sun, then i am the earth, orbiting around you.
no matter what you ever do or say, i will never stop loving you, and you will forever be my best friend
for the record, the reason i wrote this in a blog, and didn't tell you, is that whenever i say things alloud they never come out right, no matter how much i edit them. if i write it here, though it is somewhat unedited, my though-train can be better understood...it doesn't mean any less just because you see it on a computer screen...
love you
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
NOT uni-sexed
well, i just ate one of the sweetheart candies that i recieved at a recent birthday party
and found it saying 'Be my girl'
i have two concerns...
a) who sent that to me...i really should know who they are before agreeing to anything
b) if it wasn't sent to me, who was i meant to send/give it to?
they really should make either uni-sexed candy, or indicate when it is for a certain sex...
maybe we should have swapped, antelope, you would have had someone to give it to! XD
guess what!
totally used tug of war to explain electronegativity in chem today! best part of the lesson!
and found it saying 'Be my girl'
i have two concerns...
a) who sent that to me...i really should know who they are before agreeing to anything
b) if it wasn't sent to me, who was i meant to send/give it to?
they really should make either uni-sexed candy, or indicate when it is for a certain sex...
maybe we should have swapped, antelope, you would have had someone to give it to! XD
guess what!
totally used tug of war to explain electronegativity in chem today! best part of the lesson!
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Twilight vs Harry potter
i know this is a topic of many people's blogs, but im not here to argue which is better, or whether or not the movie is good.
im going to talk about why they appeal to me...i hope it doesn't show too much of the part of me that i don't want to be shown...
i think what appeals to me most about them is that both harry and bella didn't fit into the normal world at all, but once they were taken into a neew world, they found where they finally fit.
i think that cuz i 've always been the person who doesn't fit into this world, i hope that some day there will be a world that i do fit into.
i don't mean that i am expecting a hot vampire, or a half giant to come and tell me about their new world that i fit into, i mean that there will be some part of the world, some clique that i will actually fit into.
as much as i try, i can never seem to fit in as well as i would like. i don't expect to be everyone's best friend, but there are few people that i can say really know me and i can be comfortable with.
i don't know whether it is because i don't let people in, or whether its just that people don't want to get close to me, but i do know that in the past i have exposed myself, and been ridiculed... so i think that may be why i no longer expose me...
sorry this was a really wacked/ranty/didn't make sense blog...i will try to keep them to a minimum...
i hope that didn't show too much of the part of me that i don't want to be shown...
im going to talk about why they appeal to me...i hope it doesn't show too much of the part of me that i don't want to be shown...
i think what appeals to me most about them is that both harry and bella didn't fit into the normal world at all, but once they were taken into a neew world, they found where they finally fit.
i think that cuz i 've always been the person who doesn't fit into this world, i hope that some day there will be a world that i do fit into.
i don't mean that i am expecting a hot vampire, or a half giant to come and tell me about their new world that i fit into, i mean that there will be some part of the world, some clique that i will actually fit into.
as much as i try, i can never seem to fit in as well as i would like. i don't expect to be everyone's best friend, but there are few people that i can say really know me and i can be comfortable with.
i don't know whether it is because i don't let people in, or whether its just that people don't want to get close to me, but i do know that in the past i have exposed myself, and been ridiculed... so i think that may be why i no longer expose me...
sorry this was a really wacked/ranty/didn't make sense blog...i will try to keep them to a minimum...
i hope that didn't show too much of the part of me that i don't want to be shown...
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Maths one liner's
Mr Wagner was an absolute crack-up today....unintentionally i believe...
Tianna: thats 22.2 re-occuring, 44.4 re-occuring -
Mr Wagner: and of course this is zero re-occuring
Tianna to erin: yes Mr Wagner, but it is a general assumption in decimals that zero is re-occuring...but you can't have a whole number re-occuring
Erin: *reeling over with laughter*
Mr Wagner: if you do this *points to board* you're dumb...*looks at shocked faces of his class* ... but not in a bad way
Erin: *reeling over with laughter*
Mr Wagner: yeh girls, you can do the boring maths at home, questions 5,6,7 and 8 *proceeds to write 5,7,8 on the board, cocks head to side*...now that's not right is it?
Tianna: no Mr Wagner, no its not
Erin: *reeling over with laughter*
Mr Wagner: now girls i know what you're looking at is dumb - *gestures to text book*
tianna to erin: i know what we are looking at is dumb *gestures to mr wagner*
Erin: *reeling over with laughter*
Mr Wagner: now this graph is skewed
Tianna: *cocks head to side* skewed?
Erin: i know what else is skewed
Tianna and Erin: *reeling over with laughter*
and the discussion at morning tea with bec, about the fat person toilet seats!
NEVER LAUGHED SO MUCH IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! LITERALLY! i couldn't see for laughter tears! or the skinny-person toilet telling a fat person to get off cuz they are too fat!
Tianna: thats 22.2 re-occuring, 44.4 re-occuring -
Mr Wagner: and of course this is zero re-occuring
Tianna to erin: yes Mr Wagner, but it is a general assumption in decimals that zero is re-occuring...but you can't have a whole number re-occuring
Erin: *reeling over with laughter*
Mr Wagner: if you do this *points to board* you're dumb...*looks at shocked faces of his class* ... but not in a bad way
Erin: *reeling over with laughter*
Mr Wagner: yeh girls, you can do the boring maths at home, questions 5,6,7 and 8 *proceeds to write 5,7,8 on the board, cocks head to side*...now that's not right is it?
Tianna: no Mr Wagner, no its not
Erin: *reeling over with laughter*
Mr Wagner: now girls i know what you're looking at is dumb - *gestures to text book*
tianna to erin: i know what we are looking at is dumb *gestures to mr wagner*
Erin: *reeling over with laughter*
Mr Wagner: now this graph is skewed
Tianna: *cocks head to side* skewed?
Erin: i know what else is skewed
Tianna and Erin: *reeling over with laughter*
and the discussion at morning tea with bec, about the fat person toilet seats!
NEVER LAUGHED SO MUCH IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! LITERALLY! i couldn't see for laughter tears! or the skinny-person toilet telling a fat person to get off cuz they are too fat!
Monday, July 13, 2009
what she said...
i was just reading alanna's blog (Hi alanna!)
and i was thinking most of the time, holy cow thats me (in as many words)
i have recently mentioned to amethyst that i feel as if, no matter the 'grand goals' i have in life, i am currently doing nothing to achieve them. i feel as if i am just one more object on this earth, trying her best to adapt to the world we live in, but on the whole, meaningless. nothing i will ever do will ever have an impact on the world. sure people say that its not about changing the world for everyone, its about changing someone's world, and how you have to build a wall one brick at a time, but at this stage in our lives, that is all meaningless. we don't care that one day we could succeed. we don't care that all this hard work will pay off. quite frankly, at the moment i can't see any of what i am doing going anywhere in the near future
i must go now..will continue later
and i was thinking most of the time, holy cow thats me (in as many words)
i have recently mentioned to amethyst that i feel as if, no matter the 'grand goals' i have in life, i am currently doing nothing to achieve them. i feel as if i am just one more object on this earth, trying her best to adapt to the world we live in, but on the whole, meaningless. nothing i will ever do will ever have an impact on the world. sure people say that its not about changing the world for everyone, its about changing someone's world, and how you have to build a wall one brick at a time, but at this stage in our lives, that is all meaningless. we don't care that one day we could succeed. we don't care that all this hard work will pay off. quite frankly, at the moment i can't see any of what i am doing going anywhere in the near future
i must go now..will continue later
Childhood memories
i remember when the bathroom tiles were blue
i remember being petrified of the bathtub drain
i remember sitting on the kitchen floor mixing unpeeled, uncut onions but knowing that i was being a big help to nanna
i remember almost drowning in the pool
i remember when the stairs were carpet
i remember getting carpet burn on those stairs when teaching mikayla how to go down them
i remember getting prickles from the grass outside
i remember when i was scared to go downstairs at night because thats where the boogie man was
i remember when nunna died
i remember getting ready for carmen's wedding
i remember getting ready for annettes wedding
i remember when joe still lived there
i remember when joe threw my doll across the room
i remember how many times the whole in the kitchen cupboard has been fixed up
i remember falling down those stairs
i remember when i used to hide behind the wash basket in the bathroom while nanna pretended not to know i was there
i remember when i got too big to hide behind the wach basket
i remember when the organ was upstairs
i remember when the organ actually worked
i remember carmen giving a 5 year old me singing lessons downstairs, and telling me i had to make my eyebrows go really high
i remember the day before christmas packing up the cars and driving to haliday bay
i remember eating my first sand there
i remember nearly getting eaten by a snake there
i remember making bonfires on the beach
i remember the year all the toilets overflowed
i remember when, despite my age, i was allowed to 'hang with the big boys', most of which were 10 years my senior, but seemed so old then
i remember playing in the enclosure
i remember the year nunna came to the beach
i remember when nunna used to live with dotty
i remember when nunna lived in her own house
i remember how she used to give me milk arroots
i remember she always had a seat in front of the pantry
i remember learning to say 'kafinti' which is maltese for 'Hi, how are you' because nunna didn't speak english
i remember visiting nunna in the home
i remember mikayla running off, and us finding her an hour later in some old lady's room, just talking
i remember how the home used to smell like old people
i remember going to the hospital and seeing alyce
i remember promising nanna that one day i would fix her scars and make her better
i remember being 5 and not shying away from the sight of blood on the medical shows
i remember when i used to hide in the pantry
i remember when nanna had the cat called allie
i don't remember nunno ever having dark hair
i don't remember ever going to mackay and not baking
i don't remember nanna ever changing the curtains
i don't remember ever not feeling safe at nanna's house
no matter how old i get, or how many houses i live in, when we go to nanna's house for the holidays, we are going home for the holidays.
i remember being petrified of the bathtub drain
i remember sitting on the kitchen floor mixing unpeeled, uncut onions but knowing that i was being a big help to nanna
i remember almost drowning in the pool
i remember when the stairs were carpet
i remember getting carpet burn on those stairs when teaching mikayla how to go down them
i remember getting prickles from the grass outside
i remember when i was scared to go downstairs at night because thats where the boogie man was
i remember when nunna died
i remember getting ready for carmen's wedding
i remember getting ready for annettes wedding
i remember when joe still lived there
i remember when joe threw my doll across the room
i remember how many times the whole in the kitchen cupboard has been fixed up
i remember falling down those stairs
i remember when i used to hide behind the wash basket in the bathroom while nanna pretended not to know i was there
i remember when i got too big to hide behind the wach basket
i remember when the organ was upstairs
i remember when the organ actually worked
i remember carmen giving a 5 year old me singing lessons downstairs, and telling me i had to make my eyebrows go really high
i remember the day before christmas packing up the cars and driving to haliday bay
i remember eating my first sand there
i remember nearly getting eaten by a snake there
i remember making bonfires on the beach
i remember the year all the toilets overflowed
i remember when, despite my age, i was allowed to 'hang with the big boys', most of which were 10 years my senior, but seemed so old then
i remember playing in the enclosure
i remember the year nunna came to the beach
i remember when nunna used to live with dotty
i remember when nunna lived in her own house
i remember how she used to give me milk arroots
i remember she always had a seat in front of the pantry
i remember learning to say 'kafinti' which is maltese for 'Hi, how are you' because nunna didn't speak english
i remember visiting nunna in the home
i remember mikayla running off, and us finding her an hour later in some old lady's room, just talking
i remember how the home used to smell like old people
i remember going to the hospital and seeing alyce
i remember promising nanna that one day i would fix her scars and make her better
i remember being 5 and not shying away from the sight of blood on the medical shows
i remember when i used to hide in the pantry
i remember when nanna had the cat called allie
i don't remember nunno ever having dark hair
i don't remember ever going to mackay and not baking
i don't remember nanna ever changing the curtains
i don't remember ever not feeling safe at nanna's house
no matter how old i get, or how many houses i live in, when we go to nanna's house for the holidays, we are going home for the holidays.
30 Things you learn in Mackay...
1. Fifty year old women like to talk about their grandchildren's sex life, lack there of and future sex life...in front of them, as well as discussing obtaining, in the future, an afadavit allowing said granddaughter to have sex
2. fifty year old women do not like homosexuality, nor do they like to see it on TV
3. because of the amount of rain they recieve, mackay has 3 times the water pressure than brisbane
4. houses are so far apart that it is possible to have yelling matches from two different storeys of the house and the neighbours will not hear a thing
5. it is unwise to climb salt-water-covered steep rocks in thongs
6. people in small towns like to boast about how big the fish they caught is, so they hang the skeleton off street signs
7. one is able to send their children to play at the next door neighbour's house with the reassurance that they will not come back raped or murdered
8. sugar-cane-cutting season is not good for hay-fever sufferers
9. it is possible to sneeze so much in one day that you give yourself a sore throat for the rest of the week
10. it is considered rude to turn up at someone's house between 12 and 2pm as they will either be eating, or sleeping, as that is what mackay-ians do after lunch
11. it is not considered rude to turn up to someone's house unannouced, sit in their chairs and eat their food, as long as you bring a plate of food with you
12. it is wise to check the date of a christening before turning up to the church a day late
13. it is possible to book a table for dinner at 6pm, and not turn up until 6:30, and still know that your table will still be there
14. grandfathers don't like to shut the door when they shower
15. eating is a way of life, thus i have put on weight and the 'girls' have grown
16. it is normal for most people NOT to have a computer or internet
17. people are very attached to their appliances - it is possible to have a 22 year old oven, whos heat settings are either low or high (no actual temperature settings), whos door won't shut (it is currently being held shut with a piece of wood), and who takes 20 minutes longer to cook anything, but still think it is in 'good nick'
18. people from small towns have a very large carbon footprint - it is normal for a person to have 2 fridge-freezers, a stand-up freezer (it resembles a fridge) a large bar fridge, and a deep-freezer that is 2m long, 1m wide and 1m deep, all of which are turned on high due to the emense amount of food that is in each
19. that kids like to grab your boobs - i had it happen with three different kids!
20. small town people marvel at the awesomeness of their luxurys, like 2 whole shopping centres
21. lack of sunday trade is really annoying
22. everyone is either related to, or knows everyone
23. there really are more photos of the first born
24. they rinse the bubbles of plates after washing them, rather than letting them drip off
25. it is possible to find a 40 year old, single man with a full head of hair, fairly slim, no kids, clean shaven, no baggage, steady income, no peircings, tattoos or criminal record, in his own place (so to speak, he rents, but has been for 20odd years), with few disgusting habits, likes/is good with kids, maltese - therefore pretty attractive; who is he? uncle joe, eat your heart out!
26. the size of the town can be compared to brisbae by the number of 'gates' at the airport - Mackay = 4, Brisbane = 60+
27. there are 26 suburbs in mackay, and the surrounding mackay areas, compared to the 188 in brisbane alone
28. in the distance from te city to the gold coast in brisbane, you could be at another small town outside of mackay
29. mackay's income comes from the coal mines, the gold mines and the cane fields...when in doubt, look for a job at the mines
30. some of the kindest, most down to earth people live in mackay, and that's why i love it!
2. fifty year old women do not like homosexuality, nor do they like to see it on TV
3. because of the amount of rain they recieve, mackay has 3 times the water pressure than brisbane
4. houses are so far apart that it is possible to have yelling matches from two different storeys of the house and the neighbours will not hear a thing
5. it is unwise to climb salt-water-covered steep rocks in thongs
6. people in small towns like to boast about how big the fish they caught is, so they hang the skeleton off street signs
7. one is able to send their children to play at the next door neighbour's house with the reassurance that they will not come back raped or murdered
8. sugar-cane-cutting season is not good for hay-fever sufferers
9. it is possible to sneeze so much in one day that you give yourself a sore throat for the rest of the week
10. it is considered rude to turn up at someone's house between 12 and 2pm as they will either be eating, or sleeping, as that is what mackay-ians do after lunch
11. it is not considered rude to turn up to someone's house unannouced, sit in their chairs and eat their food, as long as you bring a plate of food with you
12. it is wise to check the date of a christening before turning up to the church a day late
13. it is possible to book a table for dinner at 6pm, and not turn up until 6:30, and still know that your table will still be there
14. grandfathers don't like to shut the door when they shower
15. eating is a way of life, thus i have put on weight and the 'girls' have grown
16. it is normal for most people NOT to have a computer or internet
17. people are very attached to their appliances - it is possible to have a 22 year old oven, whos heat settings are either low or high (no actual temperature settings), whos door won't shut (it is currently being held shut with a piece of wood), and who takes 20 minutes longer to cook anything, but still think it is in 'good nick'
18. people from small towns have a very large carbon footprint - it is normal for a person to have 2 fridge-freezers, a stand-up freezer (it resembles a fridge) a large bar fridge, and a deep-freezer that is 2m long, 1m wide and 1m deep, all of which are turned on high due to the emense amount of food that is in each
19. that kids like to grab your boobs - i had it happen with three different kids!
20. small town people marvel at the awesomeness of their luxurys, like 2 whole shopping centres
21. lack of sunday trade is really annoying
22. everyone is either related to, or knows everyone
23. there really are more photos of the first born
24. they rinse the bubbles of plates after washing them, rather than letting them drip off
25. it is possible to find a 40 year old, single man with a full head of hair, fairly slim, no kids, clean shaven, no baggage, steady income, no peircings, tattoos or criminal record, in his own place (so to speak, he rents, but has been for 20odd years), with few disgusting habits, likes/is good with kids, maltese - therefore pretty attractive; who is he? uncle joe, eat your heart out!
26. the size of the town can be compared to brisbae by the number of 'gates' at the airport - Mackay = 4, Brisbane = 60+
27. there are 26 suburbs in mackay, and the surrounding mackay areas, compared to the 188 in brisbane alone
28. in the distance from te city to the gold coast in brisbane, you could be at another small town outside of mackay
29. mackay's income comes from the coal mines, the gold mines and the cane fields...when in doubt, look for a job at the mines
30. some of the kindest, most down to earth people live in mackay, and that's why i love it!
Just so you know
it would appear that i have previously used this as a title..but it still applies
Just so you know, i love you more every day.
Not in the 'i want to be with you way', that would just be odd...
in the 'i would throw myself in front of a bus, jump off a cliff if you did, stay up all night just to let you know i am here, love you not in spite of your flaws, but because of them, eternally love you' kind of way.
everything you say inspires me, and makes me want to know more about you.
everything you do leaves me in awe and jelousy, wishing i could do that the way you do
i cannot stand seeing you unhappy, and i love to see you smile.
because you see, when you are unhappy, i am unhappy
when you smile, i smile
you are infectious, in the best sense
i am so glad i know you, for without you, i would find little purpose being here
with you around, i am no longer the 3rd or 5th wheel, (not that i mind otherwise) you make us our own vehicle that needs only two wheels to run
i will truly love you long time
Just so you know, i love you more every day.
Not in the 'i want to be with you way', that would just be odd...
in the 'i would throw myself in front of a bus, jump off a cliff if you did, stay up all night just to let you know i am here, love you not in spite of your flaws, but because of them, eternally love you' kind of way.
everything you say inspires me, and makes me want to know more about you.
everything you do leaves me in awe and jelousy, wishing i could do that the way you do
i cannot stand seeing you unhappy, and i love to see you smile.
because you see, when you are unhappy, i am unhappy
when you smile, i smile
you are infectious, in the best sense
i am so glad i know you, for without you, i would find little purpose being here
with you around, i am no longer the 3rd or 5th wheel, (not that i mind otherwise) you make us our own vehicle that needs only two wheels to run
i will truly love you long time
Thursday, July 2, 2009
i feel obliged
Just thought I'd publically wish Genah a Happy 16th Birthday
Hope you get everything you ever wanted
Because you sure as hell know how to knock other people out of the way to get there
hmmm...that was rude...I'm sorry....
Have a great day
Hope you get everything you ever wanted
Because you sure as hell know how to knock other people out of the way to get there
hmmm...that was rude...I'm sorry....
Have a great day
saying stuff..
the problem with telling people stuff,
is that it is no longer a secret.
the best part of getting anything
is the chase,
hiding it,
keeping it to yourself
and not revealing it till the right moment...
don't you love how you are attracted to music that relates to you?
Now when I caught myself
I had to stop myself
From saying something that
I should have never thought
You got it, You got it
Some kind of magic
Hypnotic, Hypnotic
You're leaving me breathless
I hate this, I hate this
You're not the one I believe in
When God is my witness
Of you, I knew
I know in my heart it's not you
I knew
But now I know what I want
I want
I want
Oh no, I should have never thought
is that it is no longer a secret.
the best part of getting anything
is the chase,
hiding it,
keeping it to yourself
and not revealing it till the right moment...
don't you love how you are attracted to music that relates to you?
Now when I caught myself
I had to stop myself
From saying something that
I should have never thought
You got it, You got it
Some kind of magic
Hypnotic, Hypnotic
You're leaving me breathless
I hate this, I hate this
You're not the one I believe in
When God is my witness
Of you, I knew
I know in my heart it's not you
I knew
But now I know what I want
I want
I want
Oh no, I should have never thought
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