I'm sick of it.

Sick and tired. Of this thing they call love. Everyone wants it, once you have it you love it, but then the inevitable comes around and you're left bleeding on the street with no one to clean you up. What's the point. What's the point of loving, if it's going to be taken away. What's the point of enjoying the moment if we all know the moment is going to end. You fall in love, you fall out of friendship,15 years later you get married and she gets hit by a fucking bus. Where is the logic in that, where is the point in him loving her if it's going to lead to a life of heartbreak after? I'm sick and tired. I'm tired of being alone, I'm tired of missing you, I'm tired of taking care of you and I'm tired of pretending to be happy. I'm tired of being screwed around and being judged and I'm tired of sitting back and taking it. I want a life, a real life. These are meant to be the best years of my life, and so far, I've spent no more than a month happy. Is that what I'm destined for? A month of happy at a time and then a year of heartbreak? Because I don't know if I can deal with that. The person who said it was better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all was a fucking idiot who had never been hurt. Loving anyone is not worth this.

Thresholds.

If you get punched in the arm in the same spot enough times, does it stop to bruise? Does your body create an immunity to the injury, to the point where it no longer recognises it anymore? Does your threshold increase? Are you able to handle more pain for longer? They say that people who abuse pain killers lower their threshold for pain. What about people who abuse pain? What happens to them? And what about the people who block pain? Do they lose their threshold to be able to deal with it because they never gave their heart a chance to? If your body can't handle pain and you're allergic to morphine, how do you solve your issues. Hope do you deal with being left, forgotten, replaced. How do you deal with him having another child and thinking it's ok. How do you numb the pain you've built up for 6 years, if there's nothing you can do to dull it? I guess you don't. You just hold on tight and ride out the storm. Same girl making the same mistakes in the same way. See, most people learn from their mistakes; the smart ones. God knows she's not smart. She makes the most stupid mistakes of all and heaven knows she pays for them. Forever stupid Forever broken Forever alone.