You don't get to apologise

You hurt me
It may have been a while ago,
and maybe I don't think about it or you every day anymore
but the fact of the matter is you hurt me
you broke me beyond repair.
I was normal
I was an uncomplicated, normal person
and you took that away from me
you ripped my world from under my feet
you destroyed everything I had
Everything I believed in
You made me dark and twisty
and nothing will take that away.
I don't think you will ever fully grasp the concept of what you did to me
of how your actions impacted on me and my life
You took away my youth
you took away my childhood
You took away every stable thing I had in my life.
You say that you weren't mentally stable enough to handle my reaction
but did you ever think that maybe we weren't mentally stable enough either?
You made me fear the one thing I though was meant to protect me
You destroyed the one indestructible thing in my life
You were the thing I never deserved to have to deal with
Just when my life was back on track
finally when things are good again
you decide it's time to apologise
So I don't care if you were depressed
I don't care if you realise now that what you did was wrong
You don't get to apologise
You don't get to get it off your conscience
You don't get to feel better

Complaining

I have complained in the past
about what little I am told
how no one tells me anything
and let's face it, it's true
and I set out to write this blog demanding that you tell me what is going on
what you feel you can tell the one who hurt you most and not me
but then I realised
I don't tell you much either
sometimes I think you don't want to tell me because I am to whole
and I wonder why you are so sorely mistaken
I wonder why you feel you need to shield me from your pain
The same way I do with others
but then I realised
The reason I don't tell you things
isn't because I think you are too whole, too innocent and pure to be ruined
it's because you are too broken
you have too much hurt, too much pain, and I need to shield you from any more
And I think it is the same with me
you don't think I am too whole, you think I am too broken
But I'm not
I'm not too broken for you
I can handle your pain
Because you need to let me in
I will go mad if you don't let me in
I honestly don't think I can stand you go through the pain you think I haven't noticed
If I'm not there to help you through it
so tell me
let me in
I'm not broken
I need to help you
I can't not help you
So just let me