Oh

I actually can't express in words how much you mean to me.
How much you all mean to me,
but I think you were the only one who understood that, or perhaps the only one who read it.
You made me cry at the fact that I made you cry.
But yes, I am ok
I'm trying to sort myself out, trying to figure out what to do
how to respond.
I wish you could read it
I wish I could tell you everything
But I don't think I can bring myself to relive that
I have spent far too long trying to build a barrier over those memories
trying not to dream about them
or relate them to my current experiences
I'm afraid if I let them out, I won't be able to put them back
I'm afraid that they'll take over my life
That they'll consume all that I have rebuilt
So I hope you understand
I wish I could tell you
I really do
But I don't know if I can
Maybe one day
You will hear everything
until then
I'm afraid I can't.
I love you