I don't know what to do...

i could hardly bear to look at you last night
i couldn't let myslef see you that way.
i could clearly see the pain etched in your face, and the pain slowly etched itself in my face too.
i could see the hurt in your eyes; the never ending stab wounds in the stomache, and my eyes too, reflected your hurt.
i could hardly bear to look at you tonight.
So I'm Sorry.
I'm sorry i let i get this bad.
Im sorry i focussed so much on myself when i should have been focussing on you.
I'm sorry i wasn't being the person i was supposed to be; the one you can turn to in all situations, no matter what.
I'M SORRY I CAN'T FIX YOU

i love you with all my heart, but sometimes, and i know this better than anyone, it isn't enough.
if i could take this away; your pain, your suffering,
i would in a heartbeat
if i could take it from you, and carry your burdens for you,
i would in a heartbeat
IF I KNEW HOW TO FIX YOU, I WOULD IN A HEART BEAT
but the fact of the matter is, i can't take it from you. i can't carry it for you and up until this point, i am yet to figure you how to fix you.
So i'm Sorry.
I'm sorry my love for you doesn't take your pain away, or pout you back together again.
Maybe i don't love you enough
Maybe too much
but right now, i can't fix you
So i'm sorry

As i held you in my arms tonight i couldn't tear my eyes away from your chest. i wouldn't let myself look away from the rise and fall of you ribs with each breath.
watching you breathe, slowly in and out and gently stroking you it occurred to me that my love for you is the same love a mother has for her child.
As i watched you exhale, i begged for you to have the strength, the willpower for just one more breath, just one other, only one more. As once you did, i prayed again, for the same thing. I sat there seriously contemplating pulling you into my lap, stroking your hair and rocking you back and forth, just like you mother would have when you were a child. You needed me and i needed to know that i was strong enough, good enough to help you.

So i sat there, stroking you so gently i don't think you even noticed, watching you breathe, ready at any moment to breathe for you, if you could no longer do it yourself.

I don't know how much longer i can watch you go on like this. but what ever happens, know that always, i will be there. to watch you breathe, to make sure each breath makes it in and out safely, all the while waiting to step in and do it for you if you can't.

You should know, that if ever you feel it is too much effort, it takes too much strength to breathe, i will be there to breathe for you. Always.

Just don't ever stop. My life would have no point, without you. when i needed you, you breathed for me. Now I'm ready to do the same thing.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, IT'S UNHEALTHY.