i think i have failed you...

i promised to be there for you
but havent been.
i told myself that you were one of the only people who i would be there for no matter what.
i told that to other people too,
yet still,
i have failed you.

i can see that you are slowly falling apart, breaking away piece by piece.
i want to do something to help,
to pull you into my arms,
stroke your hair,
whisper nonesense calming words in your ear,
and make it all go away.

but i failed you.

over the last few months i have tried marginally to comfort you, to help you
but not enough.
you deserve more.

from now on you will know that i care, i will prove it to you.
you will know that even though you may not want me to be, i will be here, waiting.
you will know that you can let your guard down for me, i won't care, i will just listen and try my best to make it better.

i am sorry for not paying you better attention
i am sorry for believing, or making myself believe the mask
i am sorry for thinking you were ok, when i really knew you werent
i am truly, deeply and totally sorry for not being there for you
but from now on i will be
i promise.

though there are others who expect you to be super woman, to give back what they put in,
you should know that you don't have to do that for me.
i have always felt some major responsibility to protect you, to be the mother lioness protecting her cubs.
i don't care that you go with the others, when you come back, if you come back, i will be waiting.

i love you and i will try to make it up to you.
i won't fail you again