now i see why y'all do it

i went for a run.
it was tiny by the standards of any of you who read my blog, im sure, but i felt good.
i was walking home from the bus today and i though 'hey, im going to go for a walk'
so i did.
i don't walk very fast
i don't walk very far
but the point is, i made myself do it, and now i feel great.
t'was a major epiphany moment for me...damn i couldn't have taken chem with me and wrote it! i would have figured it all out.
no, i found that if i tell myself i have to do something, if i tell myself i want it bad enough, i know i will have the will power to follow through.
i have some goals. i will achieve them. i will become what i want to be, even if i have to take the long way around.
goals for the end of 2010
i will beat ashlee in physics
i will get an A+ in maths
i will get in the 'a' range for italian
i will move up three spaces in each chem, english and sor
i will become more out-going
i will beat kristy in english (sorry, but look out. i will get there)
i will train in the cross country and athletics
i will get below 60 kilos

things i would really like to do and will try like hell to achieve
i would like to dux a subject
i would like to be level with kristy in physics and maths
i would like to get on the athletics/cross country team
i would like to be able to sing well on my own
i would like to be school capitan

why do i want these things?
selfish though it may be, i want to be remembered.
i want there to be a girl in 15 years come to the school with my last name and be asked if they are related to be, becuase in 15 years, the teachers still remember my intelligence, or some aspect of me. i want to be the person who is renound for conducting a procedure in medicine, i want to have people ask me things, i want to be the top or the best at something
I WANT TO MAKE MY MARK ON THIS WORLD
because i believe that there is more to life then what we live on earth. after that i'm not sure, but i want to ensure that whenever and where ever i go, i will be remembered. i don't want to be the person in the dusty photograph who is truly dead because no one alive knows my name.
is that too much to ask?
to be remembered, to be recognised for something other than just being?
of all the things that i can do, is it fair for me to not be remembered for a single one of them?
is it fair that out of all the things i can do, there are about three that i can do better than one person?
no, i suppose it's not fair. but that's life