You're very cute you know

I do forgive you
I do trust you.
But i can't see why you would want to be like me.

You're not my best friend by defult, you are one of my best friends.
always and forever.
And that post? after friday night?
When i wrote it, i was half thinking of you.
only i actually had you in my arms when i was thinking about writting it.
I was stroking your hair and trying to make it go away.
because you don't deserve any of the horrible things that have happened to you.
So i try to make it better.

I love you

I missed you...

I have spent the last week checking both your blogs...
Then realising that you weren't home to write in them...
But the next day doing the same thing and checking them again, like i had to assure myself that you were still away.
I missed you both...
You are two of the most important people in my life,
Don't leave me again.

In spite of my better instincts, im going to confort you...

Well, I'll try.

You're in pain...it's kinda obvious. But I'm sorry, you can't keep doing this.
She's in pain too, and you are just going to add to it.
You need to make it go away, or just deal with it. And i know that is easier said than done.
You can't keep expecting her to run to you at every moment that you need her, because sometimes there are people who matter more to her than you do at that point in time.

Tu amo lui, Io guarda.
Ma e` non bene per suo.
Si deve ferme...
Prime e` troppo tardi.

oh what am i doing here...
I don't know how to comfort you...I'm still not sure why i want to.
But please, please
try not to hurt her
at the moment.
she is hurt enough

I never knew how well i know you...

I was just thinking the other day, how much i know you.
there isn't a lot i know of the inside of you, because you are very reluctant to let people in, but i know you.

I know your cough
I know your scent
I know who your first kiss was with
I know you had a dog until year 7
I know numerous things about your family, their jobs/ages/birthdays
I know all of your grades
I know your profile - if i see you from a distance i know its you
I know your voice, i can pick it from a choir of 50
I know where you live
I know you used to share a room with your sister
I know your writting
I know how you like to set out your pages at school
I know your bra size, incorrect though it may be
I know when you are upset, despite what you tell me
I know what you are thinking most of the time, and when i guess, i am nearly always right
I know when you're depressed... like now for instance
I KNOW YOU

thats why im concerned. i think i know what you have been thinking about these last few weeks. i know you, and i am afraid for you, if what i am thinking is right. i know what you feel, i know why you feel it. I just wish i could help you...i try all i can, but you won't let me in.

please let me in.
i need to fix you
If i can't, i don't know what I'll do

I don't know what to do...

i could hardly bear to look at you last night
i couldn't let myslef see you that way.
i could clearly see the pain etched in your face, and the pain slowly etched itself in my face too.
i could see the hurt in your eyes; the never ending stab wounds in the stomache, and my eyes too, reflected your hurt.
i could hardly bear to look at you tonight.
So I'm Sorry.
I'm sorry i let i get this bad.
Im sorry i focussed so much on myself when i should have been focussing on you.
I'm sorry i wasn't being the person i was supposed to be; the one you can turn to in all situations, no matter what.
I'M SORRY I CAN'T FIX YOU

i love you with all my heart, but sometimes, and i know this better than anyone, it isn't enough.
if i could take this away; your pain, your suffering,
i would in a heartbeat
if i could take it from you, and carry your burdens for you,
i would in a heartbeat
IF I KNEW HOW TO FIX YOU, I WOULD IN A HEART BEAT
but the fact of the matter is, i can't take it from you. i can't carry it for you and up until this point, i am yet to figure you how to fix you.
So i'm Sorry.
I'm sorry my love for you doesn't take your pain away, or pout you back together again.
Maybe i don't love you enough
Maybe too much
but right now, i can't fix you
So i'm sorry

As i held you in my arms tonight i couldn't tear my eyes away from your chest. i wouldn't let myself look away from the rise and fall of you ribs with each breath.
watching you breathe, slowly in and out and gently stroking you it occurred to me that my love for you is the same love a mother has for her child.
As i watched you exhale, i begged for you to have the strength, the willpower for just one more breath, just one other, only one more. As once you did, i prayed again, for the same thing. I sat there seriously contemplating pulling you into my lap, stroking your hair and rocking you back and forth, just like you mother would have when you were a child. You needed me and i needed to know that i was strong enough, good enough to help you.

So i sat there, stroking you so gently i don't think you even noticed, watching you breathe, ready at any moment to breathe for you, if you could no longer do it yourself.

I don't know how much longer i can watch you go on like this. but what ever happens, know that always, i will be there. to watch you breathe, to make sure each breath makes it in and out safely, all the while waiting to step in and do it for you if you can't.

You should know, that if ever you feel it is too much effort, it takes too much strength to breathe, i will be there to breathe for you. Always.

Just don't ever stop. My life would have no point, without you. when i needed you, you breathed for me. Now I'm ready to do the same thing.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, IT'S UNHEALTHY.

I'm sorry

i just realised it has been about a year since our fight.
i am truly sorry about that.
i don't know what it is with this time of year, but the girls seem to go psycho

so, because i haven't yet, i want to formally apologise.
i know i hurt you,
and i know it was bad
i was hurting too
but i realised just yesterday how far our friendship has come in the last year.
there was a time where it was sort of off again, on again, but now i feel it is definately on.
i don't know why, but now, i seem to value your friendship more than before i lost it.

so thankyou, for coming back and welcoming me back into your life
i probably don't deserve it,
so thankyou anyway

i will always have a special place for you in my heart.
my little blondie

kristy?

definately puppies and rainbows