I feel the need to blog something of substantiality

So here goes
I am sick of pressure.
Being in year 12, I was expecting some more pressure, more expectations, but I didn't expect it to be too much.
If I had $10 for every time I have been told in the last 4 weeks that I shouldn't work more than 10 hours a week, a could nearly buy a house.
SERIOUSLY!
We know that we shouldn't work that much, but there are other PRESSURES on us that are forcing us to work right up to, if not over that limit.
I, currently am saving to go overseas.
Plane trips and accomodation are expensive
Thus, I need my job
But I am being told my Ms sexy/chocolate/hairy armpits that I need to work less
I am being told by my mum that I need to work less
I am being told by Mr McDonald that I need to work less
and that damned Steve McCabe
seriously, if I bought a house with all that money, he would have contributed to at least half.
All of a sudden, just because this year has started, it's like there is nothing more important that QCS and OPs and I am plain sick of it.
I want to take off the pressure, I want to not work so hard, I want to go out and have fun, I want to enjoy my youth while I can, but I don't think I can bring myself to stop trying so hard.
Because she is so proud of me.
She is so, so, so proud of me.
Just for trying.
She never got this far, so she doesn't know what it's like,
To her, OP is everything
She doesn't understand why I would want to take off the pressure and use the back door
I swear, everyone she talks to knows what Uni course I want to do next year
and what OP I am aiming for
And she thinks I'm good enough,
And I wish I were
But the fact of the matter is that I'm not.
But I'm going to try my hardest, for her.
For her, I am going to do the UMAT, and work harder in my subjects
For her, I am going to ace the QCS and get into my course with a scholarship
Because for me, she has done everything
And I owe her this.
She tells me that he may have started me off, he may have made me the way I am, but that I don't have to be this way.
She tells me that she doens't care if I finish school and become a checkout-chick
She tells me that I don't need to do this for him, that I don't owe him anything, that doing it for him would be doing it for the wrong reason
And she's right
But what she doesn't realise is that instead I'm going to do it for her. Because where he started me off, she finished. Where he taught me that only the best was good enough, she told me that my best was good enough. Where she thinks I'm doing it for him, I'm doing it for her.
Because when he left, he lost one thing he never expected.
He lost me.
And she gained me.
So this I am doing for her.