Is it too late to apologise?

I realised today how hypocritical I am
I have complained and whinged about not knowing your issues, but I tell you stuff all and expect you to give me something
So I'm sorry
I'm sorry for expecting too much of you
I'm sorry for being hypocritical when that's the one thing I try so hard not to be
I'm sorry for expecting you to spill your heart out when I know full well how hard that can be
So I am sincerely, truly and completely sorry
I didn't realise how bad I really was

I was proud of you today

On the bus. I'm very proud of you as a mother that you figured it out
That you found out how to fix it, and now you're going to be fixed

So well done. I was very proud.
I always am.

DON'T EVER FORGET

I love you

don't you ever forget. you must never let yourself forget that you are loved
no matter what you do, who you hurt, I love you
I love YOU
I LOVE you
I LOVE YOU
Don't ever forget

The first time...

Today was the first time you've ever done that
You don't know how good it felt for me to finally know
for me to finally have a starting point
I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong
and I'm not going to feel sorry for you
I'm not going to ask you if you're ok
because you don't want me to feel pity, that will just make you hate yourself more
and I know you're not ok, so why would I bother asking
But I have a starting point
I wish I was your shrink
because then I would be able to help with more...I don't know, more impact I suppose
But I'm not your shrink
and if I was I'd probably not be any help anyway
but my point is that
although snow white is addicted to those apples
that seem to mess up her entire life
at least she knows they are bad for her
at least she knows that she needs to stop
maybe she needs to go to an Apples Anonymous meeting to really start on her way to stopping
but at least she figured that out for herself
at least snow white knows that her prince charming will get sick of kissing her back to life
at least she knows that she needs to tell that damned witch to stop giving her apples
and until she finds the strength and ability to do that
the dawarfs will be there to help her

I don't normally make strange analogies like that, so please forgive the cheesyness.
but the point is there
you know you need to stop
you may not know how, but you know you have to.
and if prince charming is the one who is kissing you back to life
I'm glad he's around
and I'm glad you're happy,
even though it's in an obscure and confusing way.

Complaining

I have complained in the past
about what little I am told
how no one tells me anything
and let's face it, it's true
and I set out to write this blog demanding that you tell me what is going on
what you feel you can tell the one who hurt you most and not me
but then I realised
I don't tell you much either
sometimes I think you don't want to tell me because I am to whole
and I wonder why you are so sorely mistaken
I wonder why you feel you need to shield me from your pain
The same way I do with others
but then I realised
The reason I don't tell you things
isn't because I think you are too whole, too innocent and pure to be ruined
it's because you are too broken
you have too much hurt, too much pain, and I need to shield you from any more
And I think it is the same with me
you don't think I am too whole, you think I am too broken
But I'm not
I'm not too broken for you
I can handle your pain
Because you need to let me in
I will go mad if you don't let me in
I honestly don't think I can stand you go through the pain you think I haven't noticed
If I'm not there to help you through it
so tell me
let me in
I'm not broken
I need to help you
I can't not help you
So just let me

It doesn't Matter

I wonder too.
What do you do if the one thing that makes you you is gone.
There was this woman on a medical show who had a tumor in the part of her brain that held her personality.
In order to save her life, they would have had to cut out the section, meaning she would no longer be her
She chose to die, rather than loose that part.
I would too.
I have asked the question before
What do I do
If the one thing I am known for
The one thing I had going for me was gone.
And do you know what you told me?
It doesn't matter.
you said I would still be the person you know and love.
You said nothing would change.
And so
I say the same to you.
I do not love you for your brains
I do not love you for your ability to recite the different sections of the brain
I do not love you for you amazing mental capabilities.
I love you for you.
So even if all that goes
Even if none of that is there anymore
I will still love you
Because to me
None of that matters.

A mother does not love her child for their brain
She loves them for their heart

Book 22 - The Keeping Place

Book Name: The Keeping Place
Book Number: 22
Page Number: 754
Page Sub-Total: 7579

eh. No energy to explain. 8 out of 10

OMG HALF WAY!