I can't keep the wave upon the sand...

You're slipping from me. You're slipping from all of us.
We've all morphed into these people that we don't even recognise, certainly people we never wanted to be.
How do we go back. How do we go forward from here?
How is it that it wasn't until I started LIVING that I started living a life of regret?
How is it that all my ideals, my values, the truths I held onto have completely shifted?
How did I let it happen.
They're right. People change when you leave high school. Priorities shift, personalities change, commonalities extinguish.
We're grown ups. How did this happen? And how do we make it stop?
Why the fuck am I sitting here typing this. We all know that it won't do any good. We all know I'm too gutless to actually DO anything about it anyway. So I'll sit here on my high fucking horse and complain that you're slipping from me, when I'm the one who's allowing it. But I'm just so TIRED. Too tired to care enough to make a difference. And that scares me. What happened to the me that wanted to make a difference? What happened to the me that cared about everyone no matter what?
You changed me. In ways I didn't even recognise at the time. But you've changed me so truly and deeply that I don't know how to go back. It's like you've completely re-located my life, but didn't give me a map of how to return.
I need the map. I need to go back. I need you to undo what you did
But it's too late for that

It's all my fault...

I've been so absent, self-centered and uninterested for so long that everyone else has fallen apart.
Everyone is literally falling to pieces before my eyes, and I've been oblivious to it.
How could I not see, how could I not CARE?
But I'm going to change. I'm going to become the person I used to be, and the person who I want to be.
I will help, I will care.
I will be there when you need me most, because you were there when I needed you most.
I will fix this, all of this

Bricks in my pocket, you're nothing but bricks in my pocket

Does it ever get any better?
No. It's like a brick in your pocket. You just carry it around. Some of the time you're even able to forget that it's even there. But then you reach into your pocket to get something else out and you feel it there and you realise 'Oh. That'.
It doesn't get better really, just...lighter to carry
- Rabbit Hole

You were there. Every time I walked past I had evidence that you were once right there. But it's fading, and if you didn't know it was there, you wouldn't notice the slight discolouration in the pavement. If someone wasn't told that the stain was once all you could see on the pavement, they wouldn't know it was even there now.

Fading away, losing meaning in my life.
I still look for you, you know. You fade more every day, but you are still there. And you can't take that away from me.

It doesn't even matter

I know the person you need me to be.
You need me to be the caring one, the one who holds your hand and helps you through the hardships in your life.You need me to be the big sister you never had, because she wasn't there. You need me
But I can't be there. I can't do this, I can't be your big sister. You had a big sister. But she left a long, long time ago. Instead, you gained a mother. A mother who did everything you needed, who coped on her own through it all. But there's only so much a person can give. There's only so long they can last.
I can't be your sister.
I'm already done being your mother, I've got no more to give.
It's not easy being a single mother. I've done it, and now I'm done

There's nothing else you can ask of me

I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

The edge

I give up
I give in.
I tried my best. I can't try anymore, I've got nothing left to give.
You were the best best-friend a girl could ask for.
Now I've found one who's sticking around.
Goodbye
Love, Tianna

And the cycle begins again

"I don't know how you feel about that..."
Yeah...neither do I.
I've gone back to my old ways. My really old ways. I don't talk, I don't think, I don't feel. I turn off
I started off as that girl who sat in the corner of her stairs and let it all go. I was that 12 year old once, but then I had to get up, wipe my tears, look after three people. I was her again, and now I have to get up, shake myself off and keep going.
I don't know how I feel, because the truth of it, I don't. I don't feel anymore.
It's not worth the pain. It's not worth the rejection. It's just not worth it.
When it's all for nothing. When there's no point in going on.
After 20 minutes of continuous CPR a paramedic can call life extinct.
After 101 days, I declare life extinct.
That life, is gone. The guaranteed best friend at all hours, the advice, the laughs, the everything. Gone, and not going to come back.
But I can't bear to accept that. So I just stop feeling instead.
I still don't think you understand. You're in my life everywhere.
On my keys, in my baking ingredients, on my door, on the roads, on my street.
I can't avoid you, wherever I go, and it's killing me.

So if you move back, I won't care.
If you talk to me, I won't care.
If you ignore me, I won't care.
Because the thing is
I CAN'T care

Resurrection

Tonight I got the chance to be the old me again.
To care about someone else and forget about me.
Tonight I felt worthy again.
I think I'm coming back piece by piece...