House made of glass

You say you don't hurt, but I see through that. New hair, new look, new man. You think that just because you look and act differently to what you used to, it means you're someone different. Trust me, I tried that, and it doesn't work. You were hurt. You were hurt badly. Just because you get new hair and new friends and try and forget about it that it'll all go away. The injury is etched into your face like scratches into bone. You can't make that go away. So quit pretending. Quit pretending that you're fine. Just because you show everyone you're happy, doesn't mean you are. It's not until your best friend comments on your interpretive dance that you realise. So what's going to make you realise? What's going to make you better? Because you're not better. Your pain has been incubating for the last 7 months; it's time to let it out and remove the pain. Just because you show us some witty pictures, doesn't make it better. You used to tell me that you looked at that when you were lonely or upset. How is it that you now spend 90% of your time lonely and upset? How did this happen to you

You're right

You're right. There's a difference between being loved and being lusted. You can tell when you're loved. You can tell when you love. It doesn't feel the same when it's not like that. A brief kiss with someone you love is leaps and bounds ahead of a long one with someone you don't. But until I find another, this is what I'm left with. I don't want to be this person

Welcome to my life

You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like

You can't fix this. This can't be fixed.

I gave you my heart. And you ripped it out of my hands, tore it up and scattered it into the wind. And now I've got nothing left, nothing left to give.

I can't keep the wave upon the sand...

You're slipping from me. You're slipping from all of us.
We've all morphed into these people that we don't even recognise, certainly people we never wanted to be.
How do we go back. How do we go forward from here?
How is it that it wasn't until I started LIVING that I started living a life of regret?
How is it that all my ideals, my values, the truths I held onto have completely shifted?
How did I let it happen.
They're right. People change when you leave high school. Priorities shift, personalities change, commonalities extinguish.
We're grown ups. How did this happen? And how do we make it stop?
Why the fuck am I sitting here typing this. We all know that it won't do any good. We all know I'm too gutless to actually DO anything about it anyway. So I'll sit here on my high fucking horse and complain that you're slipping from me, when I'm the one who's allowing it. But I'm just so TIRED. Too tired to care enough to make a difference. And that scares me. What happened to the me that wanted to make a difference? What happened to the me that cared about everyone no matter what?
You changed me. In ways I didn't even recognise at the time. But you've changed me so truly and deeply that I don't know how to go back. It's like you've completely re-located my life, but didn't give me a map of how to return.
I need the map. I need to go back. I need you to undo what you did
But it's too late for that

It's all my fault...

I've been so absent, self-centered and uninterested for so long that everyone else has fallen apart.
Everyone is literally falling to pieces before my eyes, and I've been oblivious to it.
How could I not see, how could I not CARE?
But I'm going to change. I'm going to become the person I used to be, and the person who I want to be.
I will help, I will care.
I will be there when you need me most, because you were there when I needed you most.
I will fix this, all of this

Bricks in my pocket, you're nothing but bricks in my pocket

Does it ever get any better?
No. It's like a brick in your pocket. You just carry it around. Some of the time you're even able to forget that it's even there. But then you reach into your pocket to get something else out and you feel it there and you realise 'Oh. That'.
It doesn't get better really, just...lighter to carry
- Rabbit Hole

You were there. Every time I walked past I had evidence that you were once right there. But it's fading, and if you didn't know it was there, you wouldn't notice the slight discolouration in the pavement. If someone wasn't told that the stain was once all you could see on the pavement, they wouldn't know it was even there now.

Fading away, losing meaning in my life.
I still look for you, you know. You fade more every day, but you are still there. And you can't take that away from me.

It doesn't even matter

I know the person you need me to be.
You need me to be the caring one, the one who holds your hand and helps you through the hardships in your life.You need me to be the big sister you never had, because she wasn't there. You need me
But I can't be there. I can't do this, I can't be your big sister. You had a big sister. But she left a long, long time ago. Instead, you gained a mother. A mother who did everything you needed, who coped on her own through it all. But there's only so much a person can give. There's only so long they can last.
I can't be your sister.
I'm already done being your mother, I've got no more to give.
It's not easy being a single mother. I've done it, and now I'm done

There's nothing else you can ask of me

I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter