I thought of you today,

And I don't very often, I'm sorry.
But today I did.
Because I was sitting in Italian, and we are doing Home and Lifestyles.
And we got our usual vocab sheets.
And on the vocab sheet were two things that made me think of you.
The first was camera da letto, as in 'tu mamma e bene in camera'
And the second, which made me smile like a retard to myself
was il frigorifero. As in la mia mucca, si chiama frigorifero.
I miss you in Italian, and they are all getting excited and prepared for the Italy trip this September, the one we were supposed to go on together.
A lot changed when you left,
And I do miss you

What to do..

Too many choices
Too many decisions
Too many options.

wake up
12B or 12C
elmo or plain
spray or roll on
Cereal or toast
juice or milk
Electric or manual toothbrush
Pony tail or bun
Maroon skirt or maroon skirt
English or Physics
Slinkys or golf balls
Titanic or Juno
Proofs or chain rule
Pythagoras or F=ma
chocolate or fruit
Uni or gap year
UQ or QUT
under-grad or post-grad
bio-med or science
3 or 4 years
surgeon or paediatrition
juice or water
read or homework
TV or movie
sleep

In one day, I have listed perhaps half of the choices and decisions that must be made by a single person. Why are there options for breakfast foods? Why does deoderant come in different forms? Why can't Mr Larsen just tell me what EEI to do? Why can't I do Juno? Why can numerous rules be used for one question? Why is there more than one University?
WHYWHYWHY

I sometimes wish, actually hope and pray that there are times when a dictatorship is in place. Because that takes away the decision making. Hair is in a bun. EEI is golf balls. Movie is Titanic. Career is Surgeon.
It may take the freedom out of life,
but at least that's easier than making a decision.

Uncertain

Of what to do.
We don't do this.
I'm not good at comforting you, at taking away you pain
You so rarely show it to me that when you do, I'm not quite sure what to do with it.
When I read what you wrote, I reverted back to the distant past when I rarely understood what you wrote.
I didn't know what it related to, but I could see that it was hurting you.
That that is what has been underlying everything this past week.
I don't know how to help you with your uncertainties
How to raise your self esteem
How to tell you that you actually are a good person, no matter what you or others may think
I don't know what to do.
Because you too, I am going to save
but saving you is going to prove more difficult than I first thought.
Because I don't know what to do.
But I will find out.
And I will save you
I promise.

Save you

There's nothing left to take
And no matter what I do I can't make you feel better
If only I could find the answer
To help me understand

...

Sometimes I wish I could save you

And there's so many things I want you to know

I won't give up till it's over

If it takes you forever I want you to know

...

That if you fall, stumble down
I'll pick you up off the ground
If you lose faith in you
I'll give you strength to pull through
Tell me you won't give up cuz I'll be waiting if you fall
Oh You know I'll be there for you
...
If only I could find the answer
To take it all away
...

I sat there with you sobbing in my arms and I didn't know what to do.
How to comfort you, how to make it better.
I hate that she is so mean to you when she is supposed to love you
I hate that she was supposed to be one of your closest friends and she turns on you like that
I hate that I sat there and had to watch you in that much pain,
watching helplessly
Because neither of us could do anything to make it stop.
I wish I could find the answer to take it all away.
I wish I could save you.

To My Fariy Angel

STOP DOUBTING YOURSELF, YOU SILLY GIRL!
You will do a fine job, no an EXCELLENT job; you wouldn't have been picked if they didn't think you would.
And don't worry, do what you can, work as hard as you can, because you know that me and my mrs and our antelope will be there to help you if you can't do it all.
Don't worry about your friends.
We all feel the same, but they know that you love them and that you have their back when they need it, and if they don't know that, then they don't know you too well at all.

Don't doubt yourself. Because then it will become a reality;
If you think you can't do it, then you can't.
So make sure you always know that no matter how hard something may seem, you can do it, you can overcome it (lol Kayla would so be "that's what she said"-ing right now).
Excuse the innuendo, and take the advice...I thought it was quite poetic, by my standards XD
love you

Wifey, Dearest Wifey

I miss you.
Come back...now.
And that's an order!

Never ever ever ever ever ever go away for this long again...ok?
You missed Erin's party! t'was very fun, everyone wondered what you would have worn! lol
And you weren't here for our wedding anniversary! Which I nearly forgot! whoops...
Nearly every day something funny will happen or some inside joke will arise, but you're not there to laugh about it with.
Or I'll think of something that I MUST tell you, but by the time I think of texting you, I've forgotten it.
Or something will happen, funny or shocking or whatever and I can see your reaction in my mind.
God I hate school holidays!
I miss you too much.
And you need to come back
Because I need to tell you that I got The Farseekers and Ashling for Christmas and I'm already up to Ashling
Because I need to tell you that Mikayla is reading Obernewtyn and really likes it
Because I need to tell you that Eclipse is coming out somewhere in June/July
Because I need to tell you that Harry Potter 7 part 1 is also coming out then
Because I need to show you this hilarious photo of my nunno
Because I need to show you the video of the fireworks
Because I need to watch Angels and Deamons together again so we can laugh about out particle accelerator
Because I need to tell you about the most insensitive thing I said to Erin the other night (sorry again about that Erin!)
Because I need to tell you about this crazy heart surgeon woman in Grey's Anatomy
Because I need to tell you about this awesome medical Wii game we got for Christmas
Because I need to admit to someone the amount of Grey's Anatomy episodes I have watched in the last 3 weeks (It's a lot, like 40 something episodes, more than 26 hours of Grey's!)
Because I need to show you my awesome new Elmo pencil case and towel from Sea World
Because I need to tell you about my cousins visiting, and their reactions to the characters at Sea World and Movie World
Because I need to tell you about the house hunting
Because I need a hug
Because I need to tell you that I love you and that I miss you
Because I need you!
So come back right now!

In conclusion, I'm selfish telling you that you need to come back; you need to come back anyway; I miss you and I love you.
See you soon!

First Post of the year

No, I haven't reflected on the past.
No, I don't plan too.
Life goes by too fast and too much changes too quickly for me to spend time looking at the past.
So instead I look to the future.
This year is a year of achieving things.
I have spent too much time caring so much about school that I have suffered for it elsewhere.
I know it's not ideal timing to figure that out, but I'm going to act accordingly.
I am going to work my toosh off to get good grades, but I'm not going to make school a competition as I have selfishly before.
I am not going to dwell on my marks, I will accept them and move on.
This year I am going to have FUN.
I am going to get a new job
I am going to do musical, even though every single member of my family (asides from my 12 year old High-school-musical-loving sister) is advising me against it
I am going to go out on weekends
I am going to sleep less
I am going to actually ask my date to the formal, not let kristy do it for me XD
I am going to get skinny
I am going to be totally awesome in Chamber
I am going to AMERICA!!!
A year of goals
A year of excitement
A year of hard work.
I'm ready for it...
Are you?