I don't know how to put this

but I think it needs to be said.
I know I seem to prioritise. I realise that I don't put you first.
And I would say I don't do it on purpose, but to a certain extent I do,
So I'll say I don't set out to do it as often as I do.
But I apologise.
Because it seems that whenever you need me, She needs me more.
And I choose her.
I know it's not fair,
I know you need me too sometimes
and I am truly sorry for it
but I don't know how to change it
and I'm afraid if I don't
something will happen to her
and I can't have that.
For some reason, I have greater trust in your sanity and state of mind than hers
So I pick her. every time
and I want to apologise for it, for your sake,
but I don't want to not do it
Does that make sense?
I don't want to have to leave you to go to her, but I can't not go.
She doesn't mean more to me, you both are equal,
she just hurts more than you do
or maybe her hurts are easier fixed... I don't know
But I'm sorry
because I do always ditch you
and I know I apologise
but I don't think there's anything I can do about it
So I've just got to hope and pray that you'll always be waiting for me when you come back
Because if I had nothing to come back to
I wouldn't come back
I wouldn't survive