For you I will

Don't you see?
No. You don't see.
For you. Everything that I do, practically everything I am is for you
He's gone for you. I didn't need him in my life, but I needed you
So stupidly, I thought I could trade. It seemed to work that way in the past
Lose one, gain one, lose that one, gain the other
But of late I seem to have fallen into this horrible mind set
This arrogant, horrid person who thinks she should get things in life
who believes she 'deserves' things.
The fact of the matter is, I've become a horrible person and I don't like who she is.
I've got to change me if I want to change who wants me in their lives
How do I change who I am if I don't even know how I became who I am

I don't know how to put this

but I think it needs to be said.
I know I seem to prioritise. I realise that I don't put you first.
And I would say I don't do it on purpose, but to a certain extent I do,
So I'll say I don't set out to do it as often as I do.
But I apologise.
Because it seems that whenever you need me, She needs me more.
And I choose her.
I know it's not fair,
I know you need me too sometimes
and I am truly sorry for it
but I don't know how to change it
and I'm afraid if I don't
something will happen to her
and I can't have that.
For some reason, I have greater trust in your sanity and state of mind than hers
So I pick her. every time
and I want to apologise for it, for your sake,
but I don't want to not do it
Does that make sense?
I don't want to have to leave you to go to her, but I can't not go.
She doesn't mean more to me, you both are equal,
she just hurts more than you do
or maybe her hurts are easier fixed... I don't know
But I'm sorry
because I do always ditch you
and I know I apologise
but I don't think there's anything I can do about it
So I've just got to hope and pray that you'll always be waiting for me when you come back
Because if I had nothing to come back to
I wouldn't come back
I wouldn't survive