I have a lot of things to say

Most of them I can't bring to a subconscious level currently
So I'm just going to start rambling and ranting
and you can all either listen, or x-out and read something more worthwhile.

Today it struck me that you really offend me
like, you actually hurt me somewhere deep when you say things
and I know it's irrational
and I have no logical or serious reason to have so much hatred for you
but you really hurt some deep part of me when you speak.
I asked you what you want to do
You listed numerous things
and I said they all sounded good, and gave my opinion
and then I asked what your goal was
where you wanted to end up
and I didn't need an indepth answer
I was looking for GP, in a hospital, babies, old people
something remotely specific
and you said
Doctor.
I was stumped for a second
I was actually shocked that you didn't have some motive
so I said Paediatrition for me
and you said
Oh yeh, I've thought about that. My aunty is one, and she owns a hospital
and then it clicked
I then realised
You don't want to be a doctor
You want to be rich
because in order to make it
in order to succeed in medicine
you will need drive
something to push you
some goal at the end of the tunnel
some people have a passion for surgery
even at the age of 16 they can see themselves wiht their hands in a body
or handing out prescriptions
or taking temperatures
blood pressure
SOMETHING!
but I know exactly what you saw
Grand Balls and money and Deeds to big shiny buildings
And that's why you will not make it
You need something
SOMEthing to pull you through
and you don't have that
because you don't want this
you don't deserve this
you are not worthy of achieving this,
you need to want it more than this to deserve it
you need to cry when seeing bad marks
you need to stress and study hard and try you damndest to get somewhere
each setback tears you appart because it is pulling you from your dream
you don't have that
Because you don't want it enough

Don't talk to me about being a doctor
until you want it
because right now, hearing you talk
makes me angry and depressed that you want what I want
and it makes me depressed that we want the same thing
And you don't get to take that away from me
So don't even think about it