The edge

I give up
I give in.
I tried my best. I can't try anymore, I've got nothing left to give.
You were the best best-friend a girl could ask for.
Now I've found one who's sticking around.
Goodbye
Love, Tianna

And the cycle begins again

"I don't know how you feel about that..."
Yeah...neither do I.
I've gone back to my old ways. My really old ways. I don't talk, I don't think, I don't feel. I turn off
I started off as that girl who sat in the corner of her stairs and let it all go. I was that 12 year old once, but then I had to get up, wipe my tears, look after three people. I was her again, and now I have to get up, shake myself off and keep going.
I don't know how I feel, because the truth of it, I don't. I don't feel anymore.
It's not worth the pain. It's not worth the rejection. It's just not worth it.
When it's all for nothing. When there's no point in going on.
After 20 minutes of continuous CPR a paramedic can call life extinct.
After 101 days, I declare life extinct.
That life, is gone. The guaranteed best friend at all hours, the advice, the laughs, the everything. Gone, and not going to come back.
But I can't bear to accept that. So I just stop feeling instead.
I still don't think you understand. You're in my life everywhere.
On my keys, in my baking ingredients, on my door, on the roads, on my street.
I can't avoid you, wherever I go, and it's killing me.

So if you move back, I won't care.
If you talk to me, I won't care.
If you ignore me, I won't care.
Because the thing is
I CAN'T care

Resurrection

Tonight I got the chance to be the old me again.
To care about someone else and forget about me.
Tonight I felt worthy again.
I think I'm coming back piece by piece...

The nerve

DON'T YOU FUCKING COMPLAIN ABOUT BEING FOREVER ALONE
FOREVER ALONE? REALLY?
AND WHOSE CHOICE WAS THAT?
Did everyone just walk away from you, did they?
Are you trying to tell me that there isn't anyone who's been trying for MONTHS to get back in your life and who you keen refusing
Someone who would gladly keep you company
ARE YOU TELLING ME THERE'S NO ONE? NO ONE AT ALL

I guess I mean less to you than I thought
You're a hypocrite, and I'm starting to get really sick of it
I knew you'd need me. Now it's your turn to realise it.

Five stages

Denial has passed
Anger is here
Bargaining prevails
Depression to come
And acceptance.

I don't know if I want to accept this...

Old flames die hard

You keep popping up in my life.
I hadn't seen you for years, then I saw your picture.
It had been another few years and I pass you on the street
A few weeks later and I find a video of yours
Every so often you reappear, and disappear just as quickly.
I mean, I'm not complaining. I'm just saying it's weird.

But it's ok. I always knew I was way out of your league
And we were both happy with that

To Claire; from Sonny

I think I'm out of the phase where I just lie on my floor hoping you'll just turn up on my doorstep
You know what, I'm doing ok. Getting there.
You spend enough time with a person and your bodies memorise each other.
Some where there might be a world in which on that day in February...I didn't say all those things I didn't mean and you didn't walk away without another word
We'd still have bubble tea with those god-awful slimy globules of jelly down the bottom with I hate
I wish you'd...talk to me
Cuz you know what. I'm not doing well. Life is actually pretty shit.
I hope they're treating you well...because I miss you more than ever